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  1. #131
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IndyAnnaJoan View Post
    I actually think it may be more of a type difference.
    Oh, totally -- but I'm just saying, my posts in here are essentially worthless as evidence of sx-last thinking. So there's little reason for any sx-last folks here to agree with me on sx-last topics.

    You're right, though, that Fi-last vs first is another big factor.
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  2. #132
    Listening Oaky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IndyAnnaJoan View Post
    Not at all. I tend to always think well of others, even when I see the faults. And I love getting to know others beneath the surface level.
    I believe you've very much misunderstood me if you think I'm talking about how I think of another individual if they initiate a conversation with me.

  3. #133
    Senior Member IndyGhost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Time View Post
    I believe you've very much misunderstood me if you think I'm talking about how I think of another individual if they initiate a conversation with me.
    Apparently I have. Do you care to elaborate?
    "I don't know a perfect person.
    I only know flawed people who are still worth loving."
    -John Green

  4. #134
    Riva
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    Quote Originally Posted by Time View Post
    I would often feel a slight lingering sense of sorrow upon another individual initiating a private conversation with me on a personal level.
    I think i've witnessed this on numerous occasions. You are so cute oaky. Heh heh he. I wonder how you would react if a female you are attracted to tries to initiate conversation with you in a level you've described above? Maybe if people keep quiet around you, you would take the initiative?

  5. #135
    Listening Oaky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IndyAnnaJoan View Post
    Apparently I have. Do you care to elaborate?
    An individual is not a conversation. A conversation is when you're put within the bounds of a certain type of communication. One that I find difficult and restricting especially if they are personal. Such restrictions are taxing and give a claustrophobic effect. The individual doesn't matter to me in regards to this, and my thoughts regarding him/her is a very different matter. I may find such issues speaking to family members, friends or acquaintances though it does not make me think less of them to wish to have a conversation with me and/or to initiate it. It is well understood that people have different styles of communication and if I were to judge them on it, it'd regard a simplicity of my mind.

  6. #136
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    I usually find it kinda weird when guys in my class talk to me about masturbation and girls they want to have sex with, it's like, well I don't even know what to respond to that! It's even more awkward when they ask ME questions about it, I usually just say (next to) nothing and it gets even weirder. They have such boring taste too. I wouldn't say I'm asexual or anything, I just suck at coming across as 'sensational' or 'intimate', there's a cold, reserved aura about me. I usually just stand in a corner, talking to no one, wondering if someone will ever arrive to rescue me somehow. Believe me when I say I'm a romantic person though, it's just that I have an impenetrable and insignificant exterior.

  7. #137
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    @Noll and @IndyAnnaJoan,

    I've come around to the point of view that I don't think you can separate instinct from etype in a way that you will 'totally relate' to people of the same instinct but different etype. Enneatype affects the instinct so much that the flavor is really different. For example, as a sx/sp 4w5 I'm for the most part reserved, and I would never talk about masturbation and sex with people in a class- talk about tacky- but if it's the right person, I will want to share everything. I have a definite off/on switch. So in many ways, Noll, I relate to what you say, but not in the ways that differentiate our instincts.

  8. #138
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    A few thoughts...

    One, a follow-up on the situation I mentioned in 126: unfortunately, that relationship ended too. Sort of. She's in the middle of grad school, but he moved hours away for a job and told her he didn't expect her to wait for him. Me being who I am, I struggle to even comprehend that amount of ambiguity and lack of closure, but that's where that situation is now. I really feel for my friend especially because I know she's probably repressing a lot of hurt right now.

    Two, my boyfriend and I have discussed the variants a bit, and while I thought he was sp/sx, he believes and I am agreeing that he is better described as sp/so. I hesitated to identify him as such because 9 sp/so descriptions seem to illustrate a "doormat" type, which he is not at all. He's very independent and has strong personal boundaries, and asserts them when he feels the need. Still, in terms of instinct, he really does attend to self-protection/resources first, then social bonds/environment, with chemistry/intimacy being allowed to be priority once the other two are met.

    Assuming this is true... it is interesting... because to me he clearly is a "sexy" person, even though he is rarely sexual, if that makes sense. He's definitely a cocky flirt sometimes, and my coworkers say that he's attractive. When he speaks to a crowd, he is energized and engaging, but also confident and steady. He says he's bad at responding to affection... he's just not particularly gushy about it. Like, I can see that he is happy when I am affectionate towards him, so that is plenty affirmation for me, but it's true that he doesn't tend to respond in kind. He is affable and friendly, though - very Fe. It takes a lot of energy on his part to be emotionally effusive. He also has a hard time opening up about very private matters, especially struggle. He says it's stressful and unpleasant to feel vulnerable, even with me.

    So, for him, if sp/so is accurate... He does enjoy intimacy but requires a lot of energy to initiate/maintain it; it's hard for him to demonstrate affection; it's hard for him to demonstrate vulnerability; he doesn't tend to seek intensity, but may enjoy it in doses if it presents itself; he enjoys being amidst lots of people but interacting with few; he dislikes when people fail to restrain themselves when situationally appropriate. But he definitely does feel deeply, desire and enjoy intimacy, and desire and enjoy sex. The difference is that he will get the other domains of his life in order first, and tends to see this domain as less of a necessity and more of an indulgence.

    Quote Originally Posted by SD45T-2
    Why not so/sp?
    Wow, sorry I'm only a year late on this reply. Not so/sp because she doesn't really strike me as Social-dom. She's an ISTJ 1w9, I'm pretty sure, and I've known her since high school. She's always pretty quiet, keeps to herself, usually is jostled into going out by others. She tends to go out just with a friend or two and tends to avoid big groups. Recently she went home early from her own birthday party at a bar because she wasn't enjoying it because some other girl was being a drama queen. I suppose it's possible she's so/sp but I feel like sp/so is more likely.

  9. #139
    Senior Member Sanjuro's Avatar
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    This is directed toward the thread at large, not any specific individuals:

    You have to be careful about distinguishing between the characteristics of the instincts and the characteristics of the types themselves. I doubt I am sx-last, yet I can identify with much that other sx-lasts are saying--I doubt people find me interesting; I've got a shell of reserve; I don't have this sparkling charismatic personality. Actually, I am anti-charismatic. I often don't really get to "know" people, largely because they don't really care to know me or would sooner keep the relationship superficial. I'm a 4w5 and this the reality of being of this core type--even being a likely Ne-dom doesn't do much to improve this.

    And, sometimes, you can have the "anti" manifestation of the instinct itself--you avoid the dictates of your dominant instinct and scorn others who appear to partake of it. "Anti-social socials" are the most common example of this; likewise the sexual instinct isn't all about "having sex" and "being desirable". It's actually about being neurotic about these issues, as well as seeking a "charge" (which may not be literally sexual at all).

    I think sx-last is more about not feeling the need to get to know people (or interests) in great depth; not feeling compelled to "get closer and closer" with chosen object of interest. I think it's more about "sticking to business" instead of following your life's passions. You might be an exciting, interesting person, but at some level, really seeking out deeper levels of intimacy (not sexual intimacy) or that "charge" is just not a priority.

  10. #140
    Senior Member IndyGhost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sanjuro View Post
    This is directed toward the thread at large, not any specific individuals:

    You have to be careful about distinguishing between the characteristics of the instincts and the characteristics of the types themselves. I doubt I am sx-last, yet I can identify with much that other sx-lasts are saying--I doubt people find me interesting; I've got a shell of reserve; I don't have this sparkling charismatic personality. Actually, I am anti-charismatic. I often don't really get to "know" people, largely because they don't really care to know me or would sooner keep the relationship superficial. I'm a 4w5 and this the reality of being of this core type--even being a likely Ne-dom doesn't do much to improve this.

    And, sometimes, you can have the "anti" manifestation of the instinct itself--you avoid the dictates of your dominant instinct and scorn others who appear to partake of it. "Anti-social socials" are the most common example of this; likewise the sexual instinct isn't all about "having sex" and "being desirable". It's actually about being neurotic about these issues, as well as seeking a "charge" (which may not be literally sexual at all).

    I think sx-last is more about not feeling the need to get to know people (or interests) in great depth; not feeling compelled to "get closer and closer" with chosen object of interest. I think it's more about "sticking to business" instead of following your life's passions. You might be an exciting, interesting person, but at some level, really seeking out deeper levels of intimacy (not sexual intimacy) or that "charge" is just not a priority.
    Great description.
    "I don't know a perfect person.
    I only know flawed people who are still worth loving."
    -John Green

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