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  1. #81
    Senior Member Vizzy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by taylor17387 View Post
    My motives for not trusting people too much are more or less the same. I always think that, on the long term, everybody (including myself) can betray, fail or abandon those that depend on him/her. So detaching from people is a way to prepare myself for the end of the relationship, which will happen sooner or later.
    I've had indeed very strong and exclusive friendships that I put above the rest of my relationships (that's why I know that I'm Sx first, and not So, for example), but there's always been some caution in the background; the thought that, no matter how strong these relationships would look, at the end I was really on my own.

    Many times, however, the distance I put between people and myself it's not even the result of mistrust; it's just that I'm unable to connect with them. If I have no problem with one-night stands, it's not because I'm comfortable with sex; it's because I see sex in itself just as a mechanical act, no feelings involved. When it comes to "love talking", flirting or the like, I feel extremely awkward. But I suppose this has more to do with the general inability of type 5's to handle feelings, rather than with sp instinct.
    That's very interesting - thanks for sharing. I agree with plain not being able to connect with others, often. But that could be for some very simple reasons. Some people just won't click with you. Some will.
    We can perhaps boil it down to human nature.

    Approaching sex as a mechanical act. That's where we differ greatly, it seems. Does it have something to do with our different wings? Does it even matter?
    If anyone could shed some light onto this, that'd be great.
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  2. #82
    Senior Member Silveresque's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vizzy View Post
    Ok, cool. But I wasn't asking you to choose "seek" or "avoid" for either line. I wanted you to choose between the top and the second line.

    I just want to know which preoccupies your mind more frequently - intimacy or social rejection/acceptance. I don't care whether you're seeking or avoiding because, as far as instincts are concerned, they're just two sides of the same coin.
    Oh, whoops.

    Well, this is hard to answer too. When I'm around people, I don't really think about intimacy, I concentrate on not messing up and looking like an idiot, so that's social rejection/acceptance. But when I'm alone, I think more more about intimacy/closeness, about how much I want it but don't have it. And since I spend a lot more time alone than around people, I end up thinking more about intimacy. So it's entirely situational.

    I think I just answered exactly how you didn't want me to answer. Sorry...

  3. #83
    Senior Member Vizzy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RevlisZero View Post
    Oh, whoops.

    Well, this is hard to answer too. When I'm around people, I don't really think about intimacy, I concentrate on not messing up and looking like an idiot, so that's social rejection/acceptance. But when I'm alone, I think more more about intimacy/closeness, about how much I want it but don't have it. And since I spend a lot more time alone than around people, I end up thinking more about intimacy. So it's entirely situational.

    I think I just answered exactly how you didn't want me to answer. Sorry...
    It's alright.
    After reading your answers to the leper questionnaire, there's no doubt that So is among your top instincts.
    And I've just realised that you're currently settling on so/sx.
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  4. #84
    Senior Member VagrantFarce's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vizzy View Post
    That's very interesting - thanks for sharing. I agree with plain not being able to connect with others, often. But that could be for some very simple reasons. Some people just won't click with you. Some will.
    We can perhaps boil it down to human nature.
    It's my opinion that anyone can get along with anyone, assuming that they make an effort to change with each other. Insularity is never a virtue.

    Quote Originally Posted by RevlisZero View Post
    Oh, whoops.

    Well, this is hard to answer too. When I'm around people, I don't really think about intimacy, I concentrate on not messing up and looking like an idiot, so that's social rejection/acceptance. But when I'm alone, I think more more about intimacy/closeness, about how much I want it but don't have it. And since I spend a lot more time alone than around people, I end up thinking more about intimacy. So it's entirely situational.

    I think I just answered exactly how you didn't want me to answer. Sorry...
    I find it interesting that you're having this trouble with your instinct, since I landed on mine fairly easily. I want to fit in. I've always wanted to fit in. My identity has almost always been been bent, first and foremost, by my relation to groups of people - regardless of how gregarious or reclusive I've been in my life. I've always lumped people into "groups", and thought of relations in those terms - it's just how I seem to think.

    My attention is scattered to that which is shared by everyone. I impress people, and feel good about myself, by showing how aware I am of the values I share with many people - by how I dress, how I talk, what I talk about, what I'm invested in, how I act. It's just who I am. I've tried to suppress these needs in the past, but that's only because I was going through a depressing and resentful phase of my life. I've been my best when I feel I fit in with what is going on all around me.

    So, with that in mind: When have you been at your best? And I don't just mean content or at peace - I mean truly alive and full of energy and confidence, and feeling absolutely amazing about who you are and what you're doing. Especially think about any times you remember having a good time, but then something happens that completely shatters your confidence and interest. Everyone's had that at least once, so try and remember it. What were you doing? What was so great about it?
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  5. #85
    Senior Member Viridian's Avatar
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    Does Sx intimacy always mean romantic intimacy? Or does it encompass familial/friendly intimacy as well?
    Tentative typing: ISFJ 6w5 or 9w1 (Sp/S[?]).

  6. #86
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    Quote Originally Posted by RevlisZero View Post
    Oh, whoops.

    Well, this is hard to answer too. When I'm around people, I don't really think about intimacy, I concentrate on not messing up and looking like an idiot, so that's social rejection/acceptance. But when I'm alone, I think more more about intimacy/closeness, about how much I want it but don't have it. And since I spend a lot more time alone than around people, I end up thinking more about intimacy. So it's entirely situational.

    I think I just answered exactly how you didn't want me to answer. Sorry...
    I'm pretty new to all these instinctual stackings and everything but, if I have understood it correctly, your first instinct is that which is most important to you and in which you concentrate your energies, even if you're not good at it, while your second instinct is the one which is in the background and comes forth quite naturally.
    Reading your posts, I've got the impression that intimacy and a close relationship with somebody is more important to you than fitting in a group and having social qualities. While on the other hand, it seems that your natural reaction is protect yourself, keep quiet and unnoticed and seek security (you don't want physical risks, don't want others thinking bad about you, etc...).

    So that would imply that you're a Sx/sp, doesn't it? Well, that's my impression; sorry if I'm mistaken.
    you will hear one ugly voice and see one ugly spirit
    is made of ugly old prerecordings the more you run the tapes through and cut them up the less power they will have
    cut the prerecordings into air into thin air (The Ticket that Exploded- William Burroughs)

  7. #87
    Senior Member VagrantFarce's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Viridian View Post
    Does Sx intimacy always mean romantic intimacy? Or does it encompass familial/friendly intimacy as well?
    It means pay complete and total attention to me - not her, not him, ME. Look how interesting I am - everything I have to offer that no one else does. Let's share what we both have to offer with each other, totally and completely, and merge into one glorious fucking blast of light.

    [youtube=uco-2V4ytYQ]Look at me look at me look at me[/youtube]

    [youtube=rJppnG1tflU]You're not looking at me yet look at ME![/youtube]

    [youtube=NpWAlvWNZj0]ME ME ME ME ME ME[/youtube]

    [youtube=uelHwf8o7_U]![/youtube]
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  8. #88
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Viridian View Post
    Does Sx intimacy always mean romantic intimacy? Or does it encompass familial/friendly intimacy as well?
    i don't think the label is important....intense connection is intense connection. it's about being deeply affected/affecting.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  9. #89
    Senior Member Silveresque's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by taylor17387 View Post
    I'm pretty new to all these instinctual stackings and everything but, if I have understood it correctly, your first instinct is that which is most important to you and in which you concentrate your energies, even if you're not good at it, while your second instinct is the one which is in the background and comes forth quite naturally.
    Reading your posts, I've got the impression that intimacy and a close relationship with somebody is more important to you than fitting in a group and having social qualities. While on the other hand, it seems that your natural reaction is protect yourself, keep quiet and unnoticed and seek security (you don't want physical risks, don't want others thinking bad about you, etc...).

    So that would imply that you're a Sx/sp, doesn't it? Well, that's my impression; sorry if I'm mistaken.
    Could be. Your conclusion is as good as any I can come up with. I would say that intimacy/closeness is more important to me, or at least more appealing, than belonging (though on the other hand, I'm afraid of looking weird, thus not "fitting in"). But if this is the case, then why don't I actively seek it? I don't open up or make any effort to get close to people, nor has anyone ever tried to get close to me. And aside from that, the sx/sp and sx/so descriptions for my type don't fit me at all, they're like the opposite of how I am. See why I can't decide? :P

    Quote Originally Posted by VagrantFarce View Post
    I find it interesting that you're having this trouble with your instinct, since I landed on mine fairly easily. I want to fit in. I've always wanted to fit in. My identity has almost always been been bent, first and foremost, by my relation to groups of people - regardless of how gregarious or reclusive I've been in my life. I've always lumped people into "groups", and thought of relations in those terms - it's just how I seem to think.

    My attention is scattered to that which is shared by everyone. I impress people, and feel good about myself, by showing how aware I am of the values I share with many people - by how I dress, how I talk, what I talk about, what I'm invested in, how I act. It's just who I am. I've tried to suppress these needs in the past, but that's only because I was going through a depressing and resentful phase of my life. I've been my best when I feel I fit in with what is going on all around me.
    That's interesting. I've never really looked at people in terms of groups. I never even noticed cliques or stereotypes (the goths, the jocks, the "popular kids") in school. I remember one time thinking I needed to pay more attention to the people around me and get more involved in the action, but then I never actually did. My whole life I've kind of felt like there was some kind memo that got sent out to everyone except me, because I was often the last to catch on to the latest trends and fashions. And I suppose I never really get into that kind of thing either.

    Quote Originally Posted by VagrantFarce View Post
    So, with that in mind: When have you been at your best? And I don't just mean content or at peace - I mean truly alive and full of energy and confidence, and feeling absolutely amazing about who you are and what you're doing
    Um...I'm pretty sure I've never felt that way, not even close. There was a time in high school when I was sort of happy. I was founder and president of the Japanese Language Club at my school, so that made me feel at least somewhat connected. I think I was more concerned with belonging and making a place for myself at that time, and it's only recently that I've been thinking a lot about intimacy and closeness.

    Quote Originally Posted by VagrantFarce View Post
    Especially think about any times you remember having a good time, but then something happens that completely shatters your confidence and interest. Everyone's had that at least once, so try and remember it. What were you doing? What was so great about it?
    Nothing's coming to mind. Are you sure everyone's had this happen? I'm only 18, so I haven't exactly had the most life experience. :P I don't know, maybe sometime when I thought I did really great on a test and found out I got a bad grade. I don't think that's what you're looking for though...

  10. #90
    Senior Member Viridian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by VagrantFarce View Post
    It means pay complete and total attention to me - not her, not him, ME. Look how interesting I am - everything I have to offer that no one else does. Let's share what we both have to offer with each other, totally and completely, and merge into one glorious fucking blast of light.
    So... Sx-doms are like teenagers?

    Also, has this thread come to double as a "Figuring out people's instinctual variants" thread?

    ...If so, can I join in?
    Tentative typing: ISFJ 6w5 or 9w1 (Sp/S[?]).

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