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  1. #61
    Senior Member VagrantFarce's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RevlisZero View Post
    Could sp last make a 6 more trusting and less "the world is a dangerous place"? I assumed I was sp first or second because I'm cautious and don't like taking risks, but 6's are cautious in general I think.
    Why are you cautious? Why do you avoid taking risks? In what situations do you behave this way? When are you not cautious and reticent, and why?

    What part of yourself feels threatened? What could you do to not feel threatened, and why aren't you doing it?
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  2. #62
    Senior Member Vizzy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by taylor17387 View Post
    I relate so much with what you've said in your posts. I may be also a Sx/sp; at least, the description this page gives of Sx/sp 5's fits me perfectly: http://ocean-moonshine.net/e14285736...position=86:80

    I think there's a core contradiction in all Sx/sp types. For example, on the one hand, what I really want deep inside is complete connection with somebody, like finding my other half. But on the other hand, my sp instinct prevents that to happen, because my natural reaction is detachment and building defenses against others. So I can have a one-night stand with a guy, no problem with that, but the next morning I just want to go away and don't see or talk with that person anymore. And that's because I don't trust people generally, I see them as potential dangers and, though I don't like isolation, I keep distances. I'm afraid I'll lose my self-sufficiency and become weak if I don't do so.

    So, putting it in Freudian terms, I could say that my Ego wants intimacy with one person (that special person, may it be a lover or a best friend), but my Id tells me that depending too much on a person is dangerous and that I'm better on my own. It's really like self-sabotage.
    Of course, being myself a 5, I'm not sure how much of this behaviour is due to sp instinct and how much is due to type itself.
    This conflict is extremely fun to analyze, I must admit. So many hours spent at night wondering, "Why? Why? Why?" and just leaving it at that.
    Well, I know I'm not capable of a one-night stand. Heck, I'd feel scared and dirty if someone in real life put me and sex in the same sentence. So at least you're more sexually comfortable there than I am.
    Would you mind elaborating on why you think depending too much on a person is dangerous? Dangerous in what way?
    For me, it's:
    - being vulnerable and emotionally dependent. Better off not expecting much. Safer to rely on myself for any stability because I'm all I have.
    - other people's expectations scare me and I doubt I can live up to them. I'd rather not give someone that opportunity to be disappointed with me and reject me. At least my ego will be kept in tact.
    - I don't trust people to stay with me. Loyalty is a nice concept, but hardly realistic. Perhaps I'm way too cynical. I'm of the mind that any guy who chooses me will easily leave me when someone better comes along.
    So that goes back to my first point - I'm the only one I can rely on...assuming I don't decide to give up on myself.

    I realize that much of what I wrote shows how dependent I actually am on what the other person thinks of me. It's just that instead of seeking acceptance and approval through intimacy (which I'm sure some sx-doms do) you'll find me on the other end of the same scale.
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  3. #63
    Senior Member Silveresque's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by VagrantFarce View Post
    Why are you cautious? Why do you avoid taking risks? In what situations do you behave this way? When are you not cautious and reticent, and why?

    What part of yourself feels threatened? What could you do to not feel threatened, and why aren't you doing it?
    I'm pretty sure I have So, probably first. I'm very cautious socially about what I say and how I say things to avoid making dumb mistakes and avoid upsetting people. It's probably (a small) part of why I'm so private and reserved, because I'm afraid of saying something stupid and embarrassing myself. And I don't open up much or talk about my feelings. When I'm angry, I don't show it because I don't want to make the other person mad at me. When I'm sad, I rarely tell anyone about it because if I do, I'm putting the other person in a position where they're socially/morally obligated to provide support, so any support I receive won't necessarily be real. On the other hand, if somebody guesses how I'm feeling and asks about it, then I'll know that their support is real and they're not just being nice because they're supposed to.

    I'm also somewhat cautious about my belongings. Whenever I go out places and bring something with me, I keep it with me at all times so it can't get stolen (unless I get mugged or pick-pocketed, but I don't think about that much...). I also back up files on my computer so I don't lose them if my computer dies. But then again, I have two sp parents who raised me to be very careful about this. My dad can be overly worried about viruses at times, to the point where he didn't want me downloading anything or even copying and pasting images from the web even with anti-virus programs. He's way more sp than I am.

    I definitely wouldn't do anything dangerous that could get me injured or killed (except driving...because I have to). I remember there was a roller-blade unit in my middle school P.E. class, and I was terrified that some reckless idiot who was skating way to fast was going to hit me. And sure enough, I got hit and knocked over, at least once or twice. One girl in my class got a concussion when someone ran into her.

    But I can't say what I'm like in relationships in terms of being cautious or not because I've never been in one, so sx doesn't exactly get a fair representation here.

    I can't really think of very many situations where I'm not cautious. I guess I do take risks sometimes by expressing myself when I'm not sure how people will respond. It feels like I'm taking a risk every time I start a thread on here. And I suppose I don't exactly eat healthy, but at the same time I make sure I drink milk everyday. And I try not to eat too unhealthy, because I do care about my health. And I don't always dress appropriately for the weather. My parents kept trying to make me wear a winter coat in fall when nobody else was wearing one. I would feel very self-conscious being the only person wearing a big winter coat when everyone else is just wearing jackets (So again, I guess).

    I wrote too much...(sorry!)

  4. #64
    Senior Member Vizzy's Avatar
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    I agree with others who say that you're very likely sx last. It's not about experiences. Take me, for example. I've never dated or anything but I have a hell of a lot to say about the subject. It's all very much happening - inside my head. And as far as I'm concerned, it's just as real.

    Anyway, I'll leave Vagrant to help figure out your instinct order.
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  5. #65
    Senior Member VagrantFarce's Avatar
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    Here's something to consider:

    What do you wish you could be?

    Don't make a huge list for yourself, just consider the first thing that popped into your head.
    Hello

  6. #66
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    There aren't any rules. Or at least, any that make sense.
    It's just short-hand for expressing your particular fucked-upness.
    People get to be fucked up in multiple, complimentary ways.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  7. #67
    Senior Member Silveresque's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by VagrantFarce View Post
    Here's something to consider:

    What do you wish you could be?

    Don't make a huge list for yourself, just consider the first thing that popped into your head.
    Actually, the first thing that popped up was being in relationship. I see myself having found my soul mate, my other half. But I don't know, there's no way I'm sx first. I could see second, maybe.

    Interestingly, my goals/dreams for the future don't include anything material. I don't fantasize about living in a big fancy house with a ferrari and more money than I know what to do with. Wealth and security aren't my top priorities. Neither is being socially successful, I don't care at all about that. I don't ever fantasize about being popular or having a ton of friends, or any kind of social achievement. What I do fantasize about is more along the lines of finding my soul mate and traveling the world and finding meaning in my life.

  8. #68
    Senior Member VagrantFarce's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RevlisZero View Post
    But I don't know, there's no way I'm sx first.
    Why?
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  9. #69
    Senior Member Silveresque's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by VagrantFarce View Post
    Why?
    Sx/Sp and Sx/So are way too counterphobic, from the descriptions I've read.

  10. #70
    Senior Member VagrantFarce's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RevlisZero View Post
    Sx/Sp and Sx/So are way too counterphobic, from the descriptions I've read.
    Remember, it's not about behaviour - it's about motive and needs.

    Also wth, you're a 6 now?
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