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Multiple Enneagram Subtypes/Instincts Your social relationships & instinctual stacking

What's your instinctual stacking & social interaction tendency?

  • so/sp - I have a clique

    Votes: 2 1.9%
  • so/sp - I have a few, individual, very close friendships

    Votes: 8 7.4%
  • so/sp - I am mostly a loner

    Votes: 4 3.7%
  • so/sx - I have a clique

    Votes: 4 3.7%
  • so/sx - I have a few, individual, very close friendships

    Votes: 2 1.9%
  • so/sx - I am mostly a loner

    Votes: 5 4.6%
  • sp/so - I have a clique

    Votes: 2 1.9%
  • sp/so - I have a few, individual, very close friendships

    Votes: 3 2.8%
  • sp/sp - I am mostly a loner

    Votes: 9 8.3%
  • sp/sx - I have a clique

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • sp/sx - I have a few, individual, very close friendships

    Votes: 15 13.9%
  • sp/sx - I am mostly a loner

    Votes: 10 9.3%
  • sx/so - I have a clique

    Votes: 4 3.7%
  • sx/so - I have a few, individual, very close friendships

    Votes: 8 7.4%
  • sx/so - I am mostly a loner

    Votes: 7 6.5%
  • sx/sp - I have a clique

    Votes: 4 3.7%
  • sx/sp - I have a few, individual, very close friendships

    Votes: 10 9.3%
  • sx/sp - I am mostly a loner

    Votes: 11 10.2%

  • Total voters
    108
L

LadyLazarus

Guest
Sx/sp, loner; I have acquaintances but no one I'd actually consider my friend, usually you're just my acquaintance and if I'm not going to eventually marry you/ want to be in a relationship with you, I don't care enough to take it much further than that.:dry:
 

Freesia

cool cat
Joined
Dec 4, 2013
Messages
225
MBTI Type
Meow
Enneagram
:0)
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
so/sp loner here. Being around people is hard work. It's even harder when you're aware of all the ways that you could potentially mess things up. There are people that I hang around with occasionally and I generally like to know what's going on with people, but for the most part I prefer keeping to myself.
 

Noll

New member
Joined
Oct 12, 2013
Messages
705
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp
so/sp here too. Similar to [MENTION=20399]Freesia[/MENTION]. Though no real life friends, distant and cold I tell you. I just never initiate contact. Odd, because I still have such a mind for social dynamics and I probably know more than most others.
 
N

NPcomplete

Guest
SP/SX - I do have few, individual, extremely close friendships. Some of them have heard of the others but haven't met them. The circles cannot intersect! :horror:
 

EJCC

The Devil of TypoC
Joined
Aug 29, 2008
Messages
19,129
MBTI Type
ESTJ
Enneagram
1w9
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
So/Sx and I voted that I have a clique. Should clarify that by "clique", I mean, of the wide variety of friends I've met through meeting the friends of other friends, randomly chatting with people, etc -- similar to the process [MENTION=17131]Chanaynay[/MENTION] brought up -- there are particular friends who I've hit it off with better, and who I've actively tried to adopt into a group*. Like others have mentioned, I'm a member of lots of different groups, and I befriend people in those groups easily, on a shallow level. I'm fine hanging out in those groups, even if I don't "click" with everyone there. However, given the choice, I'd rather it only be people who I really, really like.

There have been times when a potential friend's lack of interest in doing things with my group has hindered the development of our friendship. Also, my very closest friends are actually not in my clique at all, due to geographical distance. Then again, I befriended those people when they WERE part of my clique. So I think the only time I'm any good at non-clique friendships are when I've already become close enough to them that I'm willing to put in the extra effort.

*I've been told once or twice, in high school and early college, that people tend to notice this about me, and see it as being very picky about who my "chosen" friends are. The way they described it to me, made it sound like a serious and heavy thing -- not sure how I feel about that, because I usually try not to make it look like a huge deal, even though it is, internally.
 
Last edited:

Showbread

climb on
Joined
Oct 3, 2013
Messages
2,298
MBTI Type
ESFJ
Enneagram
3w2
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
So/Sx and I voted that I have a clique. Should clarify that by "clique", I mean, of the wide variety of friends I've met through meeting the friends of other friends, randomly chatting with people, etc -- similar to the process [MENTION=17131]Chanaynay[/MENTION] brought up -- there are particular friends who I've hit it off with better, and who I've actively tried to adopt into a group. I'm fine hanging out in groups where I get along with even half of the people there, but given the choice, I'd rather it only be people who I really, really like.

There have been times when a potential friend's lack of interest in doing things with my group has hindered the development of our friendship. Also, my very closest friends are actually not in my clique at all, due to geographical distance. Then again, I befriended those people when they WERE part of my clique. So I think the only time I'm any good at non-clique friendships are when I've become close enough to them that I'm willing to put in the extra effort.

I second pretty much all of this.
 

skylights

i love
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
7,756
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Soc/sx and... I don't know?

I spend the vast majority of my (non-work or school) time with my boyfriend. Then with my parents, and my brother and his girlfriend if they're home from college. Then with a little handful of friends from work and I occasionally volunteer with my sorority.

It's more like little handfuls of people than anything. I love being with a big group of family, but with friends I'd prefer being with a smaller group, or with just one friend. If I could arrange the world any way I wanted I'd be with lots of people I know all the time but only interact directly with them in little groups at a time, and periodically individually. And at work I love working closely with an individual for a short block of time.

So it's kind of hard for me to choose any of these options.
 

á´…eparted

passages
Joined
Jan 25, 2014
Messages
8,265
recently figured out that I'm sp/so, and it seems to fit well after reflecting on it.

I have a clique, or rather, a naturally tendancy to find one or form one. I like having a group of people who are all well related to each other, and there's lot of activities we can do together. I actually feel rather uncomfortable 1 on 1 with someone the majority of the time (there's very few people I am ok with that with). When it's a group of 5 or more, I am way more relaxed and enjoy the atmosphere.
 

FDG

pathwise dependent
Joined
Aug 13, 2007
Messages
5,903
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
7w8
I have a lot of friends but I don't belong to anyone's clique and I don't have one of my own (because I moved around). Some of these friends I see more often and they're considered closer friends. Thus I voted the second option, I guess it's the closest to my current situation.
 

Evo

Unapologetic being
Joined
Jul 1, 2011
Messages
3,160
MBTI Type
XNTJ
Enneagram
1w9
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I actually feel rather uncomfortable 1 on 1 with someone the majority of the time (there's very few people I am ok with that with). When it's a group of 5 or more, I am way more relaxed and enjoy the atmosphere.

^ Wow, you have done it again, shocked me into interest! :happy2:


I like learning this type of stuff about other people. It helps me understand where they're coming from. Even though I cannot relate. Like...at all. lol


******

For me:

I don't really care about cliques. As long as no one is left out I'm good.

I think just like my enneagram being equally 6 and 7, my first two instincts are almost equal in the amount that I use them.

I am always thinking about #1 (me) first, and then #2 (other person). I do not have the capacity to think about everyone all the time. #3, 4,5, etc fall by the waste side.

If I'm at a gathering, I would probably want to go around the room and have an intense conversation with each individual separately. I despise being in a group setting. There are too many variables, and trust goes out the window.

Also in larger social gatherings, it's harder to get to the nitty gritty of a subject without someone making a stupid joke or something...and then we go off on a damn tangent, in which we never come back to the first subject again. I hate that. Where's the substance in that?

I also don't like having to listen to someone boring. So I will start a convo with the person next to me, as long as I know that someone else is still listening to the boring person. I have been given some pretty dirty look when I've done that. I didn't know I was breaking a cardinal rule.

I just can't stand group settings where we all don't know each other in and out. I don't get how it's fun otherwise.
 

á´…eparted

passages
Joined
Jan 25, 2014
Messages
8,265
^ Wow, you have done it again, shocked me into interest! :happy2:


I like learning this type of stuff about other people. It helps me understand where they're coming from. Even though I cannot relate. Like...at all. lol


I didn't really notice this about myself until a year ago (it's actually rather frustrating too). I'll try and explain:

Essentially, in one on one situation, each person is focused on the other. At all times more or less. The minimum is they are sort of aware of what they are doing at any given moment. In one on one situations, I feel really pressured to be "on" the entire time. Keep the conversation flowing, making sure I say/do the right thing, making sure they don't seem uncomfortable. Because they are focused on me, I can't drift away, focus on something else, or become inattentive. It's like I am under the microscope and I can't make any mistake. Granted, I have some friends where we can just be in each others presence and be ok, but it takes me a very, very long time (years) before I get to that point. Further, the vast majority of the people I meet I will never get to that point with.

In a group setting, I don't need to be "on" all the time. There are other people around to hold the torch. I can go from speaking and communcating, to sitting and observing. I don't need to worry about my apperance much anymore, and I can easily flit from one person to another if they conversation "dies" and begins to appear out of place. There's more going on and way more material to work with. If I tire, I can take out my phone, or stare off into space, and just not do anything. Everyone else will be able to carry on just fine, and I can jump back into it when I am ready. The entire dynamic feels far less confining. Additionally, I rather like having an "audience". Partly because it's just more fun, and partly because it allows me to be louder, more "dramatic", and informative to everyone. In a one on one situation this would just come across as really weird and forceful (and generally just not socially acceptable) so I can be more of my "natural" self with more people around as the situation allows makes it implicitly more acceptable. Thus I feel far less constrained in my behavior. I could act like this in a one on one setting, but that requires profound comfort with that person to come out of my shell completely like that. There is really only 1 person (technically 2) that I feel that comfortable with.

This is sort of a problem though. It's not easy to form groups like this. It takes a lot of time, a lot of effort, and a lot of luck too. Everyones got to have a good level of comfort with each other. Not super high, but enough. You also can't easily "call up" an entire group as you could with an individual person. So very often I feel this level of social starvation because one on one is not often fulfilling to me. If anything it makes me feel worse, because the entire time I felt strained. Though with close friends it doesn't happen as much. Even then I prefer more people with close friends. I can pull them away for some one on one time in groups anyway. Having other people around adds comfort too because again, they can be bounced off, it soothes the social atmnosphere. It's also hard because socially I am very picky. If one person is in the group that I don't want there it can stink up the whole place for me.

This is a big reason why I feel a persistent loneleness because I just can't get comfortable completely one on one. I want to so so so so bad but I don't know how to do it right. I love group settings, they are very fullfilling, but at my core what I really want is a 1 on 1 bond.

Does that make sense? I've never written this out before, and having done so it actually appears weird even to *me* to realize I am this way lol.
 

Evo

Unapologetic being
Joined
Jul 1, 2011
Messages
3,160
MBTI Type
XNTJ
Enneagram
1w9
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I didn't really notice this about myself until a year ago (it's actually rather frustrating too). I'll try and explain:

Essentially, in one on one situation, each person is focused on the other. At all times more or less. The minimum is they are sort of aware of what they are doing at any given moment. In one on one situations, I feel really pressured to be "on" the entire time. Keep the conversation flowing, making sure I say/do the right thing, making sure they don't seem uncomfortable. Because they are focused on me, I can't drift away, focus on something else, or become inattentive. It's like I am under the microscope and I can't make any mistake. Granted, I have some friends where we can just be in each others presence and be ok, but it takes me a very, very long time (years) before I get to that point. Further, the vast majority of the people I meet I will never get to that point with.

In a group setting, I don't need to be "on" all the time. There are other people around to hold the torch. I can go from speaking and communcating, to sitting and observing. I don't need to worry about my apperance much anymore, and I can easily flit from one person to another if they conversation "dies" and begins to appear out of place. There's more going on and way more material to work with. If I tire, I can take out my phone, or stare off into space, and just not do anything. Everyone else will be able to carry on just fine, and I can jump back into it when I am ready. The entire dynamic feels far less confining. Additionally, I rather like having an "audience". Partly because it's just more fun, and partly because it allows me to be louder, more "dramatic", and informative to everyone. In a one on one situation this would just come across as really weird and forceful (and generally just not socially acceptable) so I can be more of my "natural" self with more people around as the situation allows makes it implicitly more acceptable. Thus I feel far less constrained in my behavior. I could act like this in a one on one setting, but that requires profound comfort with that person to come out of my shell completely like that. There is really only 1 person (technically 2) that I feel that comfortable with.

This is sort of a problem though. It's not easy to form groups like this. It takes a lot of time, a lot of effort, and a lot of luck too. Everyones got to have a good level of comfort with each other. Not super high, but enough. You also can't easily "call up" an entire group as you could with an individual person. So very often I feel this level of social starvation because one on one is not often fulfilling to me. If anything it makes me feel worse, because the entire time I felt strained. Though with close friends it doesn't happen as much. Even then I prefer more people with close friends. I can pull them away for some one on one time in groups anyway. Having other people around adds comfort too because again, they can be bounced off, it soothes the social atmnosphere. It's also hard because socially I am very picky. If one person is in the group that I don't want there it can stink up the whole place for me.

This is a big reason why I feel a persistent loneleness because I just can't get comfortable completely one on one. I want to so so so so bad but I don't know how to do it right. I love group settings, they are very fullfilling, but at my core what I really want is a 1 on 1 bond.

Does that make sense? I've never written this out before, and having done so it actually appears weird even to *me* to realize I am this way lol.




It makes sense. Most def.

I'm super happy that you shared this btws! :)


But it's just funny. Cause I feel the same way about social settings that you do about 1 on 1's.

I feel like I'm "on" in a group setting.

Which I don't mind having an audience or anything....but I can only handle like an hour or two of that. Then I'm like frantic to get a one on one fix in lol.

I don't feel comfortable in group settings cause I am concerned about how I appear cause there's (1) more people (2) that know me less, (3) just standing around judging me.



Now I do know what you mean though...by being your natural self. I am very loud and I like to be that way. It gives me so much energy to be lively with people....

And I think it can be hard to be able to be loud with some people in 1 on 1 settings.....


I dunno...I kinda get people going though. If someone has Te...even inferior Te...I can get them going...and then it spirals into this lovely loud fest! :laugh:

I don't however see how it's possible with a larger group. If the amount is over 4 people and we aren't all as close as I'd like, I find it hard to keep the convo going. Often people will leave that up to me...and in social settings I don't like to be responsible for small talk and stuff.

And I relate in the opposite way. I would love to have a big ol' gathering, where we are all getting along with out a hitch. I long for acceptance in a group.

And I already get that in one on ones.

Funny how we are alike in the concept, but the specifics are opposite. :thinking:
 

HBIC

Member
Joined
Mar 5, 2014
Messages
174
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
8w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I'm Sx/So so I chose this one:

I have a few, individual, very close friendships - Choose this if you don't really socialize in any kind of clique, but regularly maintain a few, very close friendships with individuals, frequently hanging out or talking, often one-on-one (family members count). These friends don't necessarily know each other or have friendships with each other (but they may). Other people don't identify you as a group, but may associate you with one of these individuals (ie. the best friend joined at the hip). Choose this even if on occasion you socialize with a group & do stuff on your own.

But I have loner phases and have been part of cliques back in the day.

Im not sure clique is really accurate. Im peripherally a member of a couple different "cliques" but more by virtue of my close friendships with one or two people or volunteer work. I get along well with the group though. Im so/sx.

I really feel quite similarly. While I have only a few friends who I'd call very close, I like knowing I have a bit of a network, including friends who aren't as close, and "good acquaintances."

Yes, so/sp. I think it's a bit of a conundrum, as an Fi dom or aux, being an so-dom. There's this awareness of groups, and a love yet repulsion of them. A focus on individuals, yet an unwillingness to focus on them alone and ignore the group dynamic. I always get a feeling of how everyone sits in the group, where the "power" is, so to speak. If someone abuses their power, exalts themselves over others, then I want to push against that kind of self-interest.

so/sx and I put down mostly loner.

I was thinking about my relation to people the other day and I realized, while I have no trouble interacting socially in any capacity, I never feel engaged. I never unleash all of who I am with anyone I know (the rare times that I have usually end up in regret). This may sound overly esoteric but I can't think of any other way to word it right now: I feel like a spirit. People can feel me but I'm not fully there.

I'm not a recluse outwardly (I interact enough to avoid being called a hermit - although that is my natural tendency), but inwardly, the way I view my personal relationship with people, I am a recluse. I've always have been and it doesn't really bother me. I've never depended, or needed, to feel like someone had to open me up inside. If it happens, it happens. And if not, then I don't really care to seek that experience out. I'm a really solitary person
.

This all resonated with me so much.
 

á´…eparted

passages
Joined
Jan 25, 2014
Messages
8,265
It makes sense. Most def.

I'm super happy that you shared this btws! :)


But it's just funny. Cause I feel the same way about social settings that you do about 1 on 1's.

I feel like I'm "on" in a group setting.

Which I don't mind having an audience or anything....but I can only handle like an hour or two of that. Then I'm like frantic to get a one on one fix in lol.

I don't feel comfortable in group settings cause I am concerned about how I appear cause there's (1) more people (2) that know me less, (3) just standing around judging me.



Now I do know what you mean though...by being your natural self. I am very loud and I like to be that way. It gives me so much energy to be lively with people....

And I think it can be hard to be able to be loud with some people in 1 on 1 settings.....


I dunno...I kinda get people going though. If someone has Te...even inferior Te...I can get them going...and then it spirals into this lovely loud fest! :laugh:

I don't however see how it's possible with a larger group. If the amount is over 4 people and we aren't all as close as I'd like, I find it hard to keep the convo going. Often people will leave that up to me...and in social settings I don't like to be responsible for small talk and stuff.

And I relate in the opposite way. I would love to have a big ol' gathering, where we are all getting along with out a hitch. I long for acceptance in a group.

And I already get that in one on ones.

Funny how we are alike in the concept, but the specifics are opposite. :thinking:


Two sides of the same coin it seems!

That's a big difference though, I am not an initator. I have to (usually) wait for someone else to be the spark, then I can run with it. I can do it, but I don't like it. Unless the environment is very structured and explicit then I sort of freeze and get very uneasy. It all depends on the people involved, but by and large I find groups to be easier to keep the convo going.
 

Lexicon

Temporal Mechanic
Staff member
Joined
Sep 28, 2008
Messages
12,342
MBTI Type
JINX
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I voted: "sp/sx - I have a few, individual, very close friendships."

I don't typically go out of my way to find community or people in general, but I have a handful of intimate, long-standing friendships with people. We hardly see one another, but the bond transcends time and space. I love that. There are a great many people I'd call less-intimate friends, which just accumulate over time, but there are degrees in closeness, of course. Was never much for sticking to one clique. I always drifted between several different 'groups' of friends, or with individuals. Just feels natural, more fluid/free. I spend most of my time by myself or with one or two people if I'm socializing. Most of my family is either dead or insane, so again, less socialization all around, but not completely a loner.
 

Evo

Unapologetic being
Joined
Jul 1, 2011
Messages
3,160
MBTI Type
XNTJ
Enneagram
1w9
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Two sides of the same coin it seems!

That's a big difference though, I am not an initiator. I have to (usually) wait for someone else to be the spark, then I can run with it. I can do it, but I don't like it. Unless the environment is very structured and explicit then I sort of freeze and get very uneasy. It all depends on the people involved, but by and large I find groups to be easier to keep the convo going.

Oh, really? Hmm. Yea I love to initiate. And I am often put in the spot to do so if the people know me well. I'm great at filling awkward silences and such. (Even though...I don't really think much of anything is life is awkward...I differ with most people on that thought.)

Something that bothers me about groups is the whole power thing. I think it is a lot of work to figure out who is in charge. And I don't like that.

My mind just automatically sees the power constructs of situations. And I find myself asking "Who's going to be in charge here?" when I'm in a group setting. That is especially why I never like being put into a group at work or school. Ugh.

Maybe you're more laid back than me in that regard?
 

á´…eparted

passages
Joined
Jan 25, 2014
Messages
8,265
Oh, really? Hmm. Yea I love to initiate. And I am often put in the spot to do so if the people know me well. I'm great at filling awkward silences and such. (Even though...I don't really think much of anything is life is awkward...I differ with most people on that thought.)

Something that bothers me about groups is the whole power thing. I think it is a lot of work to figure out who is in charge. And I don't like that.

My mind just automatically sees the power constructs of situations. And I find myself asking "Who's going to be in charge here?" when I'm in a group setting. That is especially why I never like being put into a group at work or school. Ugh.

Maybe you're more laid back than me in that regard?

Hahaha, yet again it's an inverse. I'll figure out who is in charge (the whole pecking order) in a matter of seconds. But the actual structure? That takes time to figure out how that works. Usually I need to ask people to explain it to me. Though I hate group projects too. Mine is I just don't like having to rely on other people when there is a grade dependency. I either want to do ALL of it, or none of it. If I do half way I get way too bent out of shape over not doing and failing to meet another persons standards, or having to put up with their disagreements. It also way slow things down.

I've sort of just learned to ignore awkward silences. Most of the time I can let it pass and I'm good to go. Actually filling it I can do, but I'm somewhat bad at it (1/2 the time people get the sense that I am just trying to fill the void).
 

Evo

Unapologetic being
Joined
Jul 1, 2011
Messages
3,160
MBTI Type
XNTJ
Enneagram
1w9
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Hahaha, yet again it's an inverse. I'll figure out who is in charge (the whole pecking order) in a matter of seconds. But the actual structure? That takes time to figure out how that works. Usually I need to ask people to explain it to me. Though I hate group projects too. Mine is I just don't like having to rely on other people when there is a grade dependency. I either want to do ALL of it, or none of it. If I do half way I get way too bent out of shape over not doing and failing to meet another persons standards, or having to put up with their disagreements. It also way slow things down.

All of this YES! That's what I mean...the structure...I don't get.

So you just...right out ask people? What do you say?

I've sort of just learned to ignore awkward silences. Most of the time I can let it pass and I'm good to go. Actually filling it I can do, but I'm somewhat bad at it (1/2 the time people get the sense that I am just trying to fill the void).

Yea when it's one on one, I'm way better at filling the silence. It's almost never awkward. It's just in social groups, I either want to be fully in charge, or not at all. And often I will just pick the not at all option, if I can't figure it out pecking order quick enough. Then the silence comes in.
 

thoughtlost

Honeyed Water
Joined
May 20, 2013
Messages
745
Enneagram
N/A
I do not know my stacking much, but independent of that, I think I am mostly a loner.

I've always felt like I was on the outskirts of groups (and even individual people) ever since I was little. When I was in girl scouts as a child (starting from Kindergarten), I felt like a loner (but not one of those sulky loners who is like "....wwaaahhh no one likes me", but the kind that was like "....mmmm I want to try to be a part of the group and experience what they experience" but I could just never get it right). I moved around a little bit too. The first time I moved in 3rd grade, I remember starting off the year alone, of course (I moved... duh), but then I heard a girl behind me shout "OH MY GOODNESS I MISSED YOU!" and I turned around and I saw her hugging a girl. I watched them for what seemed like a long time, because it reinforced that I was alone.

Because of this (I guess, idk...), I would end up in friendships with one person that everyone else hated (...and then I grow to hate the person too because they were crappy people always getting into trouble). This happened because everyone already had their buddy or buddies. And not every relationship that I fell into was because everyone HATED them... they were just simply outcasts in a way (when I was in seventh grade, I ended up in an outcast group and they were nice people, so I would have lunch with them). But since I could see myself as an independent at that time, I would break away and see if I could interact with other individuals. In seventh grade, I got really into this one girl, who really really liked hello kitty ...and then she bullied me because I guess I got too creepy for her??? But then again, maybe she was just simply a jerk because most people don't like her (so she only bullied me because that is what she likes to do). ...I stilled cried for like ever, though lol. I got over because I moved again (yay!)

The second part of middle school was interesting, I interacted with people of various groups. Never felt in with any of them, but it was nice to watch from the "outside" I became a bit more extroverted in 8th grade too (meaning that I become less shy/quiet). Like, one time a teacher asked me if I could try to befriend a new student, even though she knew I was quiet. I said "okay!" and began blabbering about how much I loved cheese (which was really an exaggeration, but I guess it entertained the girl and she said she liked talking to me ....I yeah, I become weirdly playful and sassy when I break out of my shell lol ...I still am that way when I am not in shy/quiet mode). Even as an 8th grader, I ended up making individual relationships with people ...who are also outcasts... who were in younger grades compared to me (like a creep xDDD).

In high school (moved again), a small group of 4 developed. It started off with just me and one girl, then another girl (an extreme introvert) came in because me the second girl bonded over how much we hated everything lol. Then another girl who was also sort of a loner (but a very sweet one and she liked to take care of us lol) joined. But I was always the more flexible one, liking to get to know different people. College, I almost became a loner completely for the first 2 years (I hung out with one person, but sometimes that person brought a group of the their own) and people described me to be like a cat who comes and goes as she pleases.

So the pattern is that I feel like an outsider when I "fall into" a group of people (and my only reaction to that is being quiet ...or being a friendly clown in a way) and I can even feel like an outsider around an individual person. I don't even feel connected to my family.

I realize that this isn't good... I want to feel like I belong to someone and someone belongs to me (just like how it is for OA when she said she likes having mutual obsessions).
 

Hitoshi-San

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Jun 26, 2014
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Instinctual Variant
sp/so
I'm sp/so and I know lots of people, have quite a few friends, and have a ton of acquaintances, but they're not really a "clique". I have some friends who don't even know/like each other.

I went to a small elementary/middle school, and there was something special about the people in my grade. We were all sort of close knit so there were no loners, you didn't exactly have that choice because due to lack of space, you had to interact with everyone.

In high school now, the social food chain goes like: hockey players/pucksluts > their wannabes/pets > preps > overachievers/hipsters > normal" kids who don't get noticed often > nerds/band geeks > delinquents > kids from really conservative families who tattle constantly > loners > the legends, who are outcasts that basically everyone picks on.

I fall into the overacheivers/hipsters and "normal" category, but I mix with the wannabes, preps, and nerds/band geeks for the most part.
 
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