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Multiple Enneagram Subtypes/Instincts Your social relationships & instinctual stacking

What's your instinctual stacking & social interaction tendency?

  • so/sp - I have a clique

    Votes: 2 1.9%
  • so/sp - I have a few, individual, very close friendships

    Votes: 8 7.4%
  • so/sp - I am mostly a loner

    Votes: 4 3.7%
  • so/sx - I have a clique

    Votes: 4 3.7%
  • so/sx - I have a few, individual, very close friendships

    Votes: 2 1.9%
  • so/sx - I am mostly a loner

    Votes: 5 4.6%
  • sp/so - I have a clique

    Votes: 2 1.9%
  • sp/so - I have a few, individual, very close friendships

    Votes: 3 2.8%
  • sp/sp - I am mostly a loner

    Votes: 9 8.3%
  • sp/sx - I have a clique

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • sp/sx - I have a few, individual, very close friendships

    Votes: 15 13.9%
  • sp/sx - I am mostly a loner

    Votes: 10 9.3%
  • sx/so - I have a clique

    Votes: 4 3.7%
  • sx/so - I have a few, individual, very close friendships

    Votes: 8 7.4%
  • sx/so - I am mostly a loner

    Votes: 7 6.5%
  • sx/sp - I have a clique

    Votes: 4 3.7%
  • sx/sp - I have a few, individual, very close friendships

    Votes: 10 9.3%
  • sx/sp - I am mostly a loner

    Votes: 11 10.2%

  • Total voters
    108

PeaceBaby

reborn
Joined
Jan 7, 2009
Messages
5,950
MBTI Type
N/A
Enneagram
N/A
Are you So dom as well?

That describes it well. And in much fewer words than I used. >_<

Yes, so/sp. I think it's a bit of a conundrum, as an Fi dom or aux, being an so-dom. There's this awareness of groups, and a love yet repulsion of them. A focus on individuals, yet an unwillingness to focus on them alone and ignore the group dynamic. I always get a feeling of how everyone sits in the group, where the "power" is, so to speak. If someone abuses their power, exalts themselves over others, then I want to push against that kind of self-interest.

Maybe you are feeling that push / pull too?
 

CzeCze

RETIRED
Joined
Sep 11, 2007
Messages
8,975
MBTI Type
GONE
Yes, so/sp. I think it's a bit of a conundrum, as an Fi dom or aux, being an so-dom. There's this awareness of groups, and a love yet repulsion of them. A focus on individuals, yet an unwillingness to focus on them alone and ignore the group dynamic. I always get a feeling of how everyone sits in the group, where the "power" is, so to speak. If someone abuses their power, exalts themselves over others, then I want to push against that kind of self-interest.

Maybe you are feeling that push / pull too?

Hmmm, from experience with other Fi doms/auxs is that I'm much more aware of the group and specifically individuals in and in relation to 'the group', much more aware of social mores and politics, socially acceptable do's as well as don't's, etc. I notice INFPs sometimes seem oblivious to this (no offense) as well as ENFPs but that ENFPs are more likely to state "I don't care about what's socially acceptable/the group" etc. and then do something really socially atrocious and insulting to lots of people and wear it like a badge of honor. I personally don't really do that.

I think Fi and Ne gives you a good leg up on power dynamics and supposedly ENFPs always know where the power lies in a group or a room.

I don't really feel a repulsion to groups. Then again I'm also a 6 wing. Being a 6 wing and So-dom gives me one foot in the 'group' camp. I like volunteer work and working in groups but more as a member of a collective, not necessarily as someone who feels like I need to make significant personal connections to every single person in a group and become deeply embedded. For instance, at work I'm cordial to everyone but rarely attempt more than small talk. I feel comfortable in the group but the group isn't my focus and I conceptualize the group as an identity unto itself...if that makes sense.
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I voted loner. I do a lot of stuff on my own that many would consider social things, like going to concerts & the beach. I do these things alone more than I do things with friends.

I have a few, close friends, but we don't keep in consistent contact. I'm one of those people who can disappear for weeks, even months on end. I'll socialize with a group on occasion, but I'm not a regular part of any clique. I only hang out with my family often because I live so close & they always initiate it. When I lived farther away, they'd complain I was MIA a lot of the time.

Ultimately, I desire to be in the "few, close individual friends" category. I'm just bad at keeping in contact, initiating, and planning. Growing up, I tended to have 1-2 best friends I'd get really close to, and I've felt that lacking more often than not as adult. I realize I expect the other person to initiate too much.

I'm also the kind where when I'm dating someone, it takes my whole focus. I maintain my other relationships even less. I fear this makes me seem clingy both with boyfriends & friends, so then I pull back or keep guarded to assert my independence. I want this mutual obsession, but I realize most people don't want their relationships at that level.

I'm nearly incapable of spreading myself evenly across a group. In group settings, I still tend to zero in on one person, probably appearing too intense & monopolizing them. Yet, I admit, from a distance, cliques seem really nice. I used to think it would be great to be a part of a group, that it would provide some sense of security with people, an identity of sorts, but then I can't even imagine how I'd function within one. Everytime I'm in a group setting I find myself wanting to zero in on one person or shrink into a corner alone & just observe.

***
For those of you who feel you're on the border of these categories & the definitions don't fully clarify it for you, just vote in the way you see yourself the most. I realize no one is 100% anything. The "few, individual friends" doesn't exclude many casual acquaintances necessarily (or many close, individual friends; I suppose I assumed the nature of close means you can't have that many).
 
Joined
Jul 3, 2008
Messages
1,858
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
54
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
By definition, a clique is:
  1. "a small group of people with shared interests, who spend time together and exclude others."
  2. "a small exclusive group of friends or associates."
    and
  3. "a narrow exclusive circle or group of persons; especially : one held together by common interests, views, or purposes."

I maintain regular correspondence with a group of locals also interested in typology, but we never exclude anyone, which is why I can't pick the cliquey option.

Ties into VagrantFarce's point that actions made and/or results garnered alone aren't reliable indicators of deepest motivation.

Sounds cliche, but you're only limited by your imagination, i.e. willingness to eavesdrop.
 

Southern Kross

Away with the fairies
Joined
Dec 22, 2008
Messages
2,910
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
I voted So/sp mostly a loner.

Its complicated though because I'm kind of contradictory and my situation can vary depending on circumstances. I'm extremely withdrawn at the moment but when I worked on a kibbutz in Israel a few years ago I was very sociable, on a constant, everyday basis, and with a large group of people. I do have a broad list of acquaintances (eg. 180 friends on Facebook - which, I suppose, is a lot for a very strong introvert) so I do have that side to me but I only have vaguely regular contact with 2 people (even then its only once every 2 months or so). Honestly, I keep very much to myself and find most social contact to be stressful. I am close with my family but if I'm not living with them I don't really see them often.

My preference doesn't have direct connection to my inclination as others with the same preference would likely be different to me. But on the other hand it does create the difficulties for me and generally makes me want to hide away from the world. I do feel a push/pull because I want contact with others but I'm so desperate to protect myself from the pitfalls of it. I suppose I think its safer and easier to be alone.
 

wolfy

awsm
Joined
Jun 30, 2008
Messages
12,251
What do you mean by family? My own family of wife and kids? I'm either with them or off on my own, the rest of the time is with lots of different people.
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
What do you mean by family? My own family of wife and kids? I'm either with them or off on my own, the rest of the time is with lots of different people.

Socializing with family, especially the ones you don't live with; not everyday family stuff. That's just a general guide though. Just choose whatever category suits you over all.
 

wolfy

awsm
Joined
Jun 30, 2008
Messages
12,251
Okay, sp/sx, mostly a loner I guess. I prefer to think of it as freelance.
 

Hopelandic

Permabanned
Joined
Dec 13, 2009
Messages
232
MBTI Type
me
Even in a group I always stand alone... watching one person...

I'm getting involved with more "groups" at college, but I never quite integrate. I give it a go, then quit after a while. Or I stay with the groups because that place has become my favourite haunt. I contemplated whether I might be social, because I do have something driving me to be a part of certain groups... but I never integrate. It's like somethings driving me towards belonging because it is a distant dream I can never quite reach. I am too... inside myself. Too retracted. In groups I can be gregarious but my mind is miles away. I hardly join groups I don't jive with, and where there is no one who catches my attention.
 

Troisi

New member
Joined
Aug 1, 2010
Messages
19
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
1w9
so/sx and I put down mostly loner.

I was thinking about my relation to people the other day and I realized, while I have no trouble interacting socially in any capacity, I never feel engaged. I never unleash all of who I am with anyone I know (the rare times that I have usually end up in regret). This may sound overly esoteric but I can't think of any other way to word it right now: I feel like a spirit. People can feel me but I'm not fully there.

I'm not a recluse outwardly (I interact enough to avoid being called a hermit - although that is my natural tendency), but inwardly, the way I view my personal relationship with people, I am a recluse. I've always have been and it doesn't really bother me. I've never depended, or needed, to feel like someone had to open me up inside. If it happens, it happens. And if not, then I don't really care to seek that experience out. I'm a really solitary person.
 

highlander

Administrator
Staff member
Joined
Dec 23, 2009
Messages
26,562
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
This is kind of an interesting thread.

I would say Sx/Sp and have a clique, though I don't really like cliques. I prefer "community".
 

Chad of the OttomanEmpire

Give me a fourth dot.
Joined
Jun 9, 2013
Messages
1,053
MBTI Type
NeTi
Enneagram
478
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
This is why I made the poll. I want to see how many so-dom are loners and so on. I also want to see how people feel their instinctual stackings relate to this. For instance, if you're an so loner, is it because you define yourself as an outsider? That sort of thing.

I'm a bit late to the discussion, obviously, but I voted sx/soc, loner.

Part of the problem is that a lot of people seem to think that stackings DO determine your sociability, making it tricky to really suss out what's going on. Based on my current understanding of the instincts, however, I see no reason to move off my self-typing: I'm clearly sx-first--I have such issues around this, I was in utter denial of them at first. I seem to be enthusiastic about relating to the larger social context, keeping up with current affairs, and watching the "zeitgeist" in the world and on little forums like this. I honestly am not motivated by money or establishing a foundation in life, so I don't see what else I'd be. (I sometimes kick around sx/sp since I spend SO MUCH TIME locked up in my apartment, but...)

I feel debilitating feelings of social isolation--I faced peer rejection as a kid and it became my permanent way of relating to others. I assume that's not instinct related.

What I think is instinct related is the way I choose to indulge the social--f'rinstance, in high school, I totally showed up everyone's social expectations. As I saw it, I was an outcast anyway, so there was nothing they could do to hurt me or my reputation. I'm not as bound to my outsider-status as a social-first might feel, but I was still aware enough of that dynamic that I manipulated it for fun.

I don't feel being sx/soc has had anything to do with me being a loner, actually. I feel that I became a loner in spite of being sx/soc, but the way it manifests for me (using that status for my own amusement) is indicative of the stacking in and of itself.
 

cascadeco

New member
Joined
Oct 7, 2007
Messages
9,083
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
When I voted I had my type incorrect.

I'm so-dom, and I've always been kind of a loner, but maybe it's more accurate to say I have a few close friendships, I just don't see these people very often (durr.. per definition in OP, I'm still a loner, lol). I think though that the distinction is that this bothers me at a somewhat intrinsic level, and I wouldn't say I'm 'content' or happy about it, like I imagine many non so's might be. I mean I know in junior high and high school I was extremely unhappy with my state of affairs, and I was NOT ok with being a loner. I just was one.
 
0

011235813

Guest
In high school and college, I was close friends with a couple of people who were at the center of their cliques. So I became part of the cliques too, I guess, but I was also always in more than one clique as a result.

Every since I graduated, the few, close relationships model fits me better.

I don't know which option to click. :sadbanana:

Oh, and I'm sp/sx.
 

Zarathustra

Let Go Of Your Team
Joined
Oct 31, 2009
Messages
8,110
Apparently I voted clique, back in the day, but, really, none of these options fit me.

I have several cliques, and always have, but I don't hang out with any of them all that regularly.

I have many close lifelong friends, some of whom were once in cliques with me, others not.

And, despite having the above, and what is actually a pretty robust social network...

...I actually spend far more time alone than I do with any of the above.
 

Redbone

Orisha
Joined
Apr 27, 2010
Messages
2,882
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I chose "I have a few, individual very close friendships". I hung out with two groups in high school, then a couple of groups in college but it wasn't important to me. It was more of a thing of being in the same place at the same time. I dislike groups/cliques.
I have three friends that live close to me that I see maybe a few times a month...it varies. I have three other friends that I am very close to that live cross country. Family, too.
 

gromit

likes this
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Mar 3, 2010
Messages
6,508
In high school and college, I was close friends with a couple of people who were at the center of their cliques. So I became part of the cliques too, I guess, but I was also always in more than one clique as a result.

Every since I graduated, the few, close relationships model fits me better.

I don't know which option to click. :sadbanana:

Oh, and I'm sp/sx.

Twinsies!


I put few close friends apparently, and I'd still say that's pretty true.
 
G

garbage

Guest
I am mostly a loner - Choose this if you have very few close friends and mostly do stuff alone. You don't feel a tie to or a part of any social circle. Your few close friends are people you know are there for you & you for them, but you don't necessarily stay in regular contact. Other people don't identify you with anyone; they might even wonder who you do socialize with as you always appear alone. Choose this even if you associate with a group of casual acquaintances on occasion, have 1-2 close friends you talk to sometimes and/or a few, individual casual friends you socialize sometimes.
This whole definition fits very well, though I've gotta emphasize the bolded.

I'm comfortable with pretty big parties, too--and even hosting them--but I'm not close to many in attendance.
 

prplchknz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2007
Messages
34,397
MBTI Type
yupp
sp/sx I said I have a few close friends, really people I see all the time. I don't go out of my way to make friends,or put in the effort once we aren't really in eachother's life much to sustain the friendship. I'm just a likable person and they sort of happen. I'm very outta mind outta sight. Though i have two friends I talk to quite a bit (one in chicago and one in memphis)

this is my relationship to how i make friends

1798838_2146874445367795_1780925212_n.jpg
every time
 

HongDou

navigating
Joined
Nov 23, 2012
Messages
5,191
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Not voting because none of the options fit. I don't have just a few close relationships; I have many. I don't have a clique; I know a lot of different groups of people to hang out with. Loner is definitely not an option.

How it works for me, specifically, is that I'll find people I'll enjoy talking to and start hanging out with them. Sometimes when we hang out they'll be doing something with their group of friends and invite me to join them. Then I become well-acquainted with all these other groups of people too, which is fine because yay more relationships! So as I meet more people individually I get to know a lot of different cliques. But then I build on each individual with the clique, so then the clique is then divided into a bunch of individual relationships. And then repeat. It's basically like a weird multiplication process.

So I can't vote that I have a clique, because I don't belong to one group of people. But I also can't vote for individual relationships because I have a lot more than the poll option says.
 
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