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[sx] The Sx dom (re: Hazashin's question for me)

Speed Gavroche

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Your continual refusal to provide even the barest modicum of support for your conclusions is quickly eroding any value your opinions might provide. Why not actually make a thin attempt at a dialogue, even if you really don't care?

Does mal have the barest of modicum of support on his side to support his ridiculous opinion? No. And I will laugh at him until he have something to prove that.

sx/sp: Intense, often a stab-in-the-chest sensation, leaving me in tears without knowing why. Fantastical but much more concentrated in a few inner images. Can be abstract, animating dead objects into their field of contemplation. Embodiment of another human, thing, or idea is common in their writings.

Is mal like this? No, of course.

sp/soc: The most straightfoward in language, with relatively little trills and embellishments. Points made directly and from personal experience. Business-like. Clear. Cynical. Lacking in internal experience compared to other stackings.

Is mal like this? Pretty much.

And please, I don't want to hear "but I deeply desire an intense relationship". Sexual and sentimental frustration are not a mark of the Sx instinct if it's not balanced by a strong sexual energy.
 

Totenkindly

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Does mal have the barest of modicum of support on his side to support his ridiculous opinion? No. And I will laugh at him until he have something to prove that.

Whatever. It's your credibility that's been going in the crapper, not his.

Is mal like this? No, of course.
Is mal like this? Pretty much.

Do you know Mal in real life?

Like I said before, a lot of your comments seem pulled out of a hat, just like Technical's type readings.

And please, I don't want to hear "but I deeply desire an intense relationship". Sexual and sentimental frustration are not a mark of the Sx instinct if it's not balanced by a strong sexual energy.

Finally, a little meat. Wanna describe what "sexual energy" is? Do you mean "libido" energy that might or might not result in sex, or are you saying that one has to convert that energy into sex, or what exactly?
 

Lady_X

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i'll catch up in this thread in a min but i just wanted to address a few relationship style things that come up as an sx dom which i could use some insight into...

like the fact that we are aware constantly of the chemistry between our self and others...this can't be turned off. this makes your so feel like you're still looking...even when you're not. i am honest with myself about it and will avoid people i feel a vibe with...yeah...that sucks for your so to hear too. my bf said he doesn't even notice it when he's in a relationship...he can find someone attractive but there's no vibey thing happening...i find that hard to believe...because it's been like that my whole life...constant awareness. i think it's why i always had so many gay guy friends because there was no vibe...because i won't let myself get close with anyone when i'm in a relationship and i can feel that chemistry...even if it's just on their end....which just flat out sucks all around!! because i like people and just want to be able to form close relationships but all this sxy stuff gets in the way!
 

Sunny Ghost

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I think SX's generally have an intense look in their eyes, and also don't really hold it back. I think SX's might be proof that I'm SP first and SX second, as when I come across others with that look in their eyes, it makes me react by looking away. I prefer to be more... aloof and hidden. It's sort of a soul piercing stare, and I can't have people staring into my soul. :p
 

Lady_X

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yeah...i notice that i often seem to be the only giving eye contact...its so weird to me...i can feel their unease with it and i don't understand it.
 

Hazashin

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I'm not the best "people person" and don't relate to them, usually, but somehow whenever I like someone, I fall a little bit in love with them.

Wait, do you mean to say that you fall in love with every person you like, even as a mere friend? I'm not quite understanding what you mean by this.

I think that's the "intense connection" that is so associated with sx doms. I don't separate my feelings into "oh this person is an acquaintance, this person is a friend, this is my BEST friend, and this is my boyfriend." They're all equal in my mind (the the chagrin of my significant other, as to be expected.)

I can somewhat to relate to this, as I don't do labels; however, whenever I get to know someone better, I become closer to them and I thus prefer to talk to them compared to someone I only speak to a few minutes out of the day. But isn't everyone like that?
 

Hazashin

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Is there a specific question? I have only offered Hazashin an answer. Perhaps the best answer for him would be to ask someone, because it took 20 or more years for someone to volunteer the information to me. I don't think it's the case that every new thread has to start with a question.

Ask what, exactly?
 

Hazashin

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yeah...i notice that i often seem to be the only giving eye contact...its so weird to me...i can feel their unease with it and i don't understand it.

Wait, if you feel uncomfortable looking people in the eye, does that mean you are not an Sx-dom? Or is that just shyness? Because I would also like to say that my favorite thing about my crush is her eyes. I just love looking at them, even if not directly. Actually, on the rare occasion I am talking with her, I like looking in her eyes more than anyone else. If I was alone with her and she wasn't uncomfortable, I would definitely have the intense Sx-look. :yes:
 
B

brainheart

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i'll catch up in this thread in a min but i just wanted to address a few relationship style things that come up as an sx dom which i could use some insight into...

like the fact that we are aware constantly of the chemistry between our self and others...this can't be turned off. this makes your so feel like you're still looking...even when you're not. i am honest with myself about it and will avoid people i feel a vibe with...yeah...that sucks for your so to hear too. my bf said he doesn't even notice it when he's in a relationship...he can find someone attractive but there's no vibey thing happening...i find that hard to believe...because it's been like that my whole life...constant awareness. i think it's why i always had so many gay guy friends because there was no vibe...because i won't let myself get close with anyone when i'm in a relationship and i can feel that chemistry...even if it's just on their end....which just flat out sucks all around!! because i like people and just want to be able to form close relationships but all this sxy stuff gets in the way!

I relate to this very well. As far as eye contact goes, I'm all about it when I'm into someone, its like I can't stop staring, but if I feel uncomfortable or don't want a relationship with someone, little eye contact.

You know, mal, I have a hard time believing someone could be sexual dominant and not know people find them attractive. I am constantly paying attention to this. Obviously I don't know you well, but you strike me as a social five, especially after the whole ayn rand conversation. You defended yourself by pulling out your credentials, declaring that you were the official ayn rand expert on here, and you do the same thing on here with your enneagram knowledge. I'm not criticizing you for this, just observing what you do. You seem so/sp to me.
 

foxonstilts

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Wait, do you mean to say that you fall in love with every person you like, even as a mere friend? I'm not quite understanding what you mean by this.
I don't mean literally in-love-go-to-the-chapel-get-married sort of love. More like very connected in a personal level with who they are as a singular being without comparing them to anyone else. It's deep. Almost like I'm giving them a piece of myself, I guess? I guess that's what it means when every description says sx goes for intense one-on-one connections. It's like I see them, faults and all, and still respect/adore them all the same and would do almost anything for them. It makes betrayal a lot worse.

It's basically like I give every person I like a piece of me. I think. I haven't actually thought about it enough to know how to describe it very well in words.
 

Lady_X

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I don't mean literally in-love-go-to-the-chapel-get-married sort of love. More like very connected in a personal level with who they are as a singular being without comparing them to anyone else. It's deep. Almost like I'm giving them a piece of myself, I guess? I guess that's what it means when every description says sx goes for intense one-on-one connections. It's like I see them, faults and all, and still respect/adore them all the same and would do almost anything for them. It makes betrayal a lot worse.

It's basically like I give every person I like a piece of me. I think. I haven't actually thought about it enough to know how to describe it very well in words.

i know exactly what you mean...like the relationship you all share is sacred almost. like we both know it and feel it's depth and it feels completely unique to us....and yes to betray that is devastating.
 

Hazashin

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I don't mean literally in-love-go-to-the-chapel-get-married sort of love. More like very connected in a personal level with who they are as a singular being without comparing them to anyone else. It's deep. Almost like I'm giving them a piece of myself, I guess? I guess that's what it means when every description says sx goes for intense one-on-one connections. It's like I see them, faults and all, and still respect/adore them all the same and would do almost anything for them. It makes betrayal a lot worse.

It's basically like I give every person I like a piece of me. I think. I haven't actually thought about it enough to know how to describe it very well in words.

Hm. I'm not too sure of what you mean by "giving them a piece of yourself", but I do still "respect/adore them all the same and would do almost anything for them." That sums it up pretty well. However, I would never betray anyone. Ever. I've never felt vengeance at all. I feel like I'm attached to everybody, if you know what I mean. I attach to people even more quickly if you get to know me better. I may not proactively seek out relationships with people (I'm extremely passive), but when I'm making friends with someone, I am very interested in them. I am perfectly comfortable with steadily staying the night with a friend whom I've met within the last 24 hours. I love everyone I know. :)

EDIT: Oh, disregard what I said about never betraying someone. I misinterpreted what you said. :doh:
But yeah, it breaks my heart when someone betrays me. But I never feel vengeance for them. I will accept them back as best-buddies in a second.
 
B

brainheart

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Yeah, being betrayed by someone I fully confided in, gave myself to, destroys me.

It takes me a long time to get over it, although if they would just come back... I would forgive. But I also would be much more cautious and reserved.
 

Lady_X

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ughh tell me about it and from a friend you would've done anything for..i've only experienced it once in my life...just recently and wow
 

Mal12345

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About the "wall of posts" -- why not? Because you'd like to treat the topic more generally? Your OP was all about you and an example of how you don't identify with the "allure" thing, so it's natural people would first question whether you are SX and want to clarify what variant you are likely to be, before deciding to progress and start creating subcategories of SX based on your atypical experiences.



ANything else that doesn't match from SP? Especially if you are an N and not an S, I wouldn't weigh that particular trait too heavily. remember, we're also talking three BROAD categories, and it's pretty likely that not every characteristic at the extreme strength described is going to match someone who fits into a category.

Actually, I was responding to a wall post from Hazashin who asked me if he has to be attractive and alluring to be an Sx-dom. My answer is: how do you know that you're NOT attractive and alluring?

The rest of the OP explained that I never saw myself that way until my present wife came along. And so I explained that maybe it would be best to ask someone else if he's attractive and alluring. After all, I didn't know anything about this "aura" of mine until my wife told me.
 

Mal12345

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I think SX's generally have an intense look in their eyes, and also don't really hold it back. I think SX's might be proof that I'm SP first and SX second, as when I come across others with that look in their eyes, it makes me react by looking away. I prefer to be more... aloof and hidden. It's sort of a soul piercing stare, and I can't have people staring into my soul. :p

I never thought about the way my eyes look in this context, but mine have that intense look at times. At other times, they have a sad appearance. I read somewhere that this is actually type specific.
 

Mal12345

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Ask what, exactly?

If you have to be attractive and alluring to be an Sx-dom. Remember where you wrote me on my public messages, "Well, I'd say never having a girlfriend or having anyone comment on my attractiveness is pretty good evidence that I'm not attractive." Actually - no, that kind of proof by negatives is no proof at all.
 

Hazashin

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If you have to be attractive and alluring to be an Sx-dom. Remember where you wrote me on my public messages, "Well, I'd say never having a girlfriend or having anyone comment on my attractiveness is pretty good evidence that I'm not attractive." Actually - no, that kind of proof by negatives is no proof at all.

Wait, I just read it again, and I think you were saying I should ask someone if I'm alluring or attractive because you said that it took you 20 years to figure it out when your wife told you.
 

Mal12345

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ANything else that doesn't match from SP? Especially if you are an N and not an S, I wouldn't weigh that particular trait too heavily. remember, we're also talking three BROAD categories, and it's pretty likely that not every characteristic at the extreme strength described is going to match someone who fits into a category.

That quote was the entirety of the Sp description in general on that page. So I kind of have to weigh that trait heavily as it is the only one listed, assuming there are more somewhere out there. It's not like a test where I can score lightly on some traits and more heavily on others, and then come out slightly on the heavy side.

This form of typology is really making me think... I believe that even as an older child - say, 10 years old - I was a daredevil, riding my bike down flights of stairs, swinging to the highest point on the swing set where I could jump off and set a length record. A lot of things of that nature. That is an anti-Sp trait in my view. I had more scraped knees and elbows than any of my friends.

But then again, one can always say I'm just expressing the counter-phobic six-wing of my core type. That's where these two typologies get all mixed up.

My present reading of the Sp type has reminded of the Ansir typology due to the fact that the Sp descriptions sound a LOT like the Ansir Sentinel type. But my score on that test category was way too low to be considered noteworthy on all three sides. I am not a Thinking sentinel, nor an Emoting sentinel, nor a Working sentinel by any stretch of the imagination.
 

Mal12345

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Wait, I just read it again, and I think you were saying I should ask someone if I'm alluring or attractive because you said that it took you 20 years to figure it out when your wife told you.

Yes, at the time I did not see myself as attractive. Or if someone found me attractive I could explain it away as something else. And if women looked in my direction, I figured there was something wrong with my presentation somewhere.

Edit - from my experience, the fact that nobody has told you doesn't MEAN anything. If you see yourself in some Sx descriptions and none of the others, then maybe you should just consider that.

Even as introspective as I am, I'm finding this a very difficult type call to make for myself. I wouldn't even attempt to type someone I don't know enough about.
 
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