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  1. #11
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    If I'm in a group, I'm usually wishing I could go hang out with just one of those people (sx). I'm wishing I could hang out with just that one person - just the 2 of us. It's more intimate, it's more intense, it's easier to focus in on them and really get to know them for who they are, etc. Even guy friends, I'd rather hang out with my ISTJ buddy and catch up with what has been going on in his life over the last few months - maybe over a football game - than to see him in a group. If I see him in a group, I can't really talk to him and find out what's been going on.

    I can hang out in a group and be laid back and just go with the flow and then go home. But, it's just not the same. It feels kind of "empty" or "pointless" when I go home at the end of the night. Sounds cheesy, but I'd rather take a walk with someone or just do something fun with 1 person, or just "talk" than to go to dinner with 5 people. It gets too chaotic, too much going on, too many different conversations going on. If it's just me and another person, we have each other's undivided attention and we can really have an interesting time - whether that be laughing our butts off, talking about things we wouldn't share with a bigger group, or whatever. I can do either one, but I have a preference for the 1-on-1.

    Another example to illustrate is my grandfather was single for years. We did a lot of things together - we were very close and I enjoyed hanging out with him. Then he married and it was never really the same again. I mean, I'm OK with it - I'm glad he found someone - he's much happier in life. But, if I'm talking to him about something that I want "his input" on, I always have to get 2 answers from 2 people now. I sometimes just want his opinion and nothing else. Or, just to hang out with him.

    During holidays, I like to spend time with individual family members that I haven't seen in a while. 1-on-1 with each of them for at least 5 minutes to see what's been happening. To me, that's much more meaningful and fulfilling than 13 people having 7 different conversations about 5 different topics. That makes it feel "fragmented" - I can't really find out about "you" and how "you are doing" if I'm listening to 13 different people.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  2. #12
    Senior Member VagrantFarce's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    i just am really trying to imagine how i behave in group settings...and sometimes i'm a loan wolf...doing my own thing and completely unconcerned with what everyone else is doing...other times...i'm like...oooh...so many people here yay...and seem to gravitate to the people i intuitively find the most interesting and love getting to know them...and sometimes i'm just in the mix...being all easy going and enjoying peoples company...

    i'm really confused...i don't think i'm intense...or overly concerned with self..or comfort and i don't really think i give a damn rather i fit into "society" or am accepted by peers....BLAH!!
    well then don't choose one

    [edit] choosing an instinctual subtype is more about identifying an overinflated need - an ego fixation.

    Social types tend to be more preoccupied with how they relate to the group
    Sexual types tend to be more preoccupied with intimacy and desirability
    Self-pres types tend to be more preoccupied with comfort and health

    I'm sure you can see yourself in all three, the trick is to watch yourself in everyday life and see which one sticks out more.
    Hello

  3. #13
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    okay cool...that's helpful. i'm not that way...i'm more butterflyish i think. i like groups...i like to have lil one on one chats with people in the group but i don't prefer to be alone with them...so...would this rule out sx first? even tho in relationships i definitely want to merge with them...i yearn for a soul type connection..
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  4. #14
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    i like being 1-on-1 with people i really like. i don't like group interactions as much in that case. or i like to be part of a couple within a group. my favorite scenario is being 1-on-1 within a group, like going to a party with a boyfriend or being in a group with a best friend. i do generally love group interaction but the "crowd" i "play to" is my preferred one person.

    on the other hand i like group interactions better when i don't like the people as much. then can choose to interact more with the people i like a lot and i can get small doses of the people i like well enough to call friends but who tend to annoy me sometimes.



    i've tended to think of myself as sx-so, but i don't think i'm particularly "intense" under most circumstances.

    and i really understand what you mean lady x, they definitely seem like "moods" to me, too.

  5. #15
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post


    i like being 1-on-1 with people i really like. i don't like group interactions as much in that case. or i like to be part of a couple within a group. my favorite scenario is being 1-on-1 within a group, like going to a party with a boyfriend or being in a group with a best friend. i do generally love group interaction but the "crowd" i "play to" is my preferred one person.

    on the other hand i like group interactions better when i don't like the people as much. then can choose to interact more with the people i like a lot and i can get small doses of the people i like well enough to call friends but who tend to annoy me sometimes.



    i've tended to think of myself as sx-so, but i don't think i'm particularly "intense" under most circumstances.

    and i really understand what you mean lady x, they definitely seem like "moods" to me, too.
    yes yes me too...i like to be in groups with one person i'm really close to yeah...and will be lone wolf if i don't relate in any real way to anyone in the room and will be just pretty mild if i only mildly relate...i get intense like...when i'm around people i think are awesome.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  6. #16
    Dreaming the life onemoretime's Avatar
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    What are the sorts of things that genuinely bother you, to the point that you will be preoccupied with them for a time? What are the things that make you ask "am I doin' it wrong?"

  7. #17
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    socially? or just in general?

    and...regarding what intpness said...would an introverted sx dom describe that social dynamic differently than an extraverted sx dom? preferring one on one vs groups n such?
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  8. #18
    Dreaming the life onemoretime's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    socially? or just in general?

    and...regarding what intpness said...would an introverted sx dom describe that social dynamic differently than an extraverted sx dom? preferring one on one vs groups n such?
    In general.

    Edit:
    Another way you could look at it is what you are "take it or leave it" about. What you're most ambivalent about represents what you need the least. You have to be careful looking at it, though -

    I'm so/sx. However, if you ask me if I want a lot of money, I'd say yes, but that's not because I like having it. It's because of why I want it - so I have free time to do fun things with my friends without worrying about the cost, and so I can do the wonderful things that I imagine for the one that I love.

    These sort of pseudo-instincts are common:

    sx: wanting to be intimate with someone so they take care of you materially, and so your social status improves through association with that person

    so: wanting a position of good social standing so you have something to fall back upon in bad times, and so you can find that person you're desperately looking for

    Edit 2:
    Regarding what INTPness said,

    he described the introverted version of this well, when going home alone at the end of the night without fulfillment is an unhappy occurrence, and losing a one-on-one connection is a continuing sorrow, but not one to be brought up in person.

    An extravert may describe it differently. Instead of being upset about the lack of fulfillment, the extravert may despair at the idea of having to go home to an empty house, or one where you're not close with the person you live with.

    Furthermore, the loss of a close relationship wouldn't sting because having to ask multiple people for an answer to a question is onerous. Instead, an extravert would long for that person's company when alone.

    As far as I can tell.

  9. #19
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    okay...god...i have no idea. i'll try to read more descriptions. thanks so much!
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  10. #20
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by onemoretime View Post
    sx: wanting to be intimate with someone so they take care of you materially, and so your social status improves through association with that person
    I'm not sure I understand what you mean here. Just curious. I'm sx and have no desire for anyone to take care of me or to improve my social status through associations. Pretty much no desire for those things whatsoever. I just simply enjoy getting to know people on an individual basis and being very understated about it in the process.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

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