[sx] How does Sx merge with another person?

[Totenkindly]

Also, sometimes I think two sx together can be bad. Depends on the health level of each person. Too much "merging" can lead to fights.

As well as losing a sense of self, + too much absorption in each other to have other relationships.

 

[violaine]

Gee, you are SO literal.
Crawling inside someone's skin for real sounds about as exciting as climbing inside a gutted tauntaun.

Um, wow, I just used this analogy a few days ago. I was referring to merging with someone else.

Here's something for both the sx and sp firsters:

Yes, it's a tauntaun sleeping bag. (I can't remember who told me about this but if you are a fellow TypeC member, consider yourself attributed.)

 

[mmhmm]

As well as losing a sense of self, + too much absorption in each other to have other relationships.

yeah i find this happening too. it sorta ends up where you're
encouraging too much impracticality in one another, mostly due
to wanting to please eachother when you're that intently focused
on someone... that's just breeding ground for disappointment.

and sometimes only 'cruel to be kind' works but risks more
misunderstanding. hahhaha. need to know when to take
a break and centre self again.

so fun though.

 

[Amargith]

It's an intense feeling of identification, of coming home, of walls crashing down as they're no longer necessary, the other person is already inside. It's feeling a relief at not *having* to constantly being on your guard and knowing you're safe, knowing someone understands who you are and that who you are is just fine with them, and reciprocating that feeling in every way possible. It's something that you recognize as potential in certain people, who vibe out a certain aura, or who you have a certain connection with, and something you yearn for with every fiber of your being, but can hurt like a *** if it's rejected, hence the walls are necessary.It leaves you wanting to be around them and knowing everything about them, picking their brains on *everything* and soaking up their presence. This is the most extreme form of it.

Softer forms happen when you're talking to someone and you find out you've got more in common than you thought, and you relate to them, even find yourself going: 'yes, EXACTLY!' when they say something, coz your perspectives on life overlap. It creates a harmony between two people and a bond which makes you feel safe, special and happy, if only for a while.

 

[Zarathustra]

...all this talk of being inside of someone... I don't relate to that at all.

Are you ladies sure this isn't just penis envy you're feeling?

 

[Ginkgo]

"Projection means that we imagine that our own virtues and vices and attitudes are embodied in other people. We see in other people what is in ourself. This psychological stratagem is particularly noticeable with regard to our vices. We try to escape from our faults by denying them; we see them only as aspects of other people – it is always other people that are the source of conflict.

Introjection is the complementary process. We emulate the virtues (and vices) in the people that we admire. We incorporate into ourself the attitudes of people that are significant to us. Our own idealised image of ourself can also act as a source for introjection: we can use such an image as an object from which we can introject virtues that we need. It is through introjection that a child absorbs the values of transference." . . .

In relationships. . .
"The person requires others in order to experience the desires and emotions that satisfy or disappoint him or her. Since the person has little awareness of themself, he or she needs other people to act as a ‘mirror’ in which he or she can ‘see’ or feel themself play their drama of life. Projection and introjection enable the person to be both player and audience. In these stratagems, the social person focuses more on projection and the individual person more on introjection. Projection and introjection are the fundamental basis of all relationships. The reason for this is:

Projection and introjection are the means of handling values." . . .



"Projection and introjection cease when equanimity is attained. Equanimity means the cessation of making value judgements. When we cease to make value judgements, then there is no longer any need to use the mechanisms of projection and introjection. However, equanimity is extremely difficult to attain. The most effective way of stopping projection and introjection, at least temporarily, is to step outside of all value systems. The traditional Buddhist method of doing this is to practise mindfulness. Mindfulness switches perception into neutral mode, so that no values are projected or introjected. The standard way of formulating mindfulness in a concise manner is :

in the seeing, only the seen,
in the hearing, only the heard,
in the touching, only the touch,
in the smelling, only the smell,
in the tasting, only the taste.


Hence no evaluation is made of sensory impressions. One day, on the bus coming home from work, I managed quite easily to refrain from thinking, and just observed; holding my mind still, but remaining aware. Without the mind cogitating, nothing is projected or introjected, and awareness is neutral. The absence of value systems means that I do not make any judgements. This state of mind is the basis of equanimity."

http://discover-your-mind.co.uk/1c-projection and introjection.htm

 

[JocktheMotie]

I've written about this before:

http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/showthread.php?t=32191&p=1221447&viewfull=1#post1221447

Starts there and sort of continues, under NF barrage. These are the important bits:

For me, my sx nature manifests itself as the selfish desire to know the minds of others. To peel their minds apart and get inside, and to become part of their thoughts. But I'm rather selfish, as I'll do this and give the impression that maybe I'm here to stay forever but that's not guarantee. I'll leave once I'm done with you and I won't feel bad about it if you move out of my life. I also tend to be rather transparent with regards to details about my life or personality simply because such things are meaningless to me and I am not protective of them. I don't have to maintain some kind of distance to be "safe" from people. While I can be hurt, my response to pain is to simply sever the connection and move elsewhere, which I haven't had and wouldn't have a problem doing.

Again, this is just for me, but I'm attuned to the qualities of the connection I have with people, not that specific person. I don't value the person per se, I value the connection. And that connection can typically come from anyone. Is that sx? The desire for the connection might be, but perhaps the dehumanizing part is something else.

When I say attuned to the qualities of the connection, I mean that I desire a certain type of information exchange, expression, and energy from the other person. I'm not really interested in the details of the person so much as I am interested in the manner we interact. I actually think we're describing the same thing here, but with T and F flavors. You emphasize the personal qualities, I do not.

 

[Totenkindly]

Interesting. I don't feel a need to stay away from people either to "feel" safe, but along with that I don't feel the need to remove hurt either. I continue to feel it, even if the connection is broken, but I just accept it, open myself to it, and continue. To try to kill hurt to me would deaden my senses.

Are you ladies sure this isn't just penis envy you're feeling?

Does your penis want another penis inside of it at the same time?

(If not, then no... we're probably not, thnx.)

 

[Zarathustra]

Does your penis want another penis inside of it at the same time?

 

[Nicodemus]

It sounds intriguing.

 

[Udog]

I'm still not decided if I'm SX/SP or SP/SX. It seems to me that when I'm relaxed and confident, I'm SX first. I don't view the SP as my path to growth, so I'm going with SX/SP.

I'm an E9, and don't view it as merging, but more about "becoming one" with the other person. I want to dissect their thoughts, and see how the gears line up and make them tick. There's a strong physical element with my romantic partners, as I want to explore how touch (even if it's just cuddling) and other senses affects those gears.

With me, it's not so much about being inside their skin, but rather, gaining access to the instrument panel of another person (with their willing permission, I have no desire to overcome resistance to something so personal), while trusting them with mine. Their mind and body becomes one with mine as an extension to both of our beings. Like a samurai and his sword.

 

[Zarathustra]

I'm very much favoring the mens' explanations in this thread.

I can jibe with what Jock (ex the eerily psychotic dehumanizing element) and Udog have said.

 

[highlander]

Does merging only apply to sexual attraction or just people in general?
My preference is to view sx not as sexual but as intimacy. I'm guessing it can happen with anyone, whether sexual attraction is there or not.

attraction in general. not just to people. but activities also.

I agree with these things. It seems to have something to do with intensity of experience. I'm not sure about all that "crawling into somebody's skin" part but I want to really know them. There is a desire for a depth and intensity of interaction.

It's being so fascinated by someone's mind or personality that you focus in on them in this really intense way. You just feel this deep sense of rightness about them, like someone said. This can be sexual or non-sexual.

Also, sometimes I think two sx together can be bad. Depends on the health level of each person. Too much "merging" can lead to fights.

These things are probably right.

yeah i find this happening too. it sorta ends up where you're
encouraging too much impracticality in one another, mostly due
to wanting to please eachother when you're that intently focused
on someone... that's just breeding ground for disappointment.

I'm very much favoring the men's explanation in this thread.

I can jibe with what Jock (ex the eerily psychotic dehumanizing element) and Udog have said.

I believe that someone who leads with SX wants this connection, this intimacy, this intensity of experience to a fault. That is it is unrealistic to expect it. As romantic as it sounds, it is a breeding ground for disappointment because it cannot ever be fully satisfied. It expects or wants too much.

Oh - and I like some of what Jock said - especially the "qualities of connection" and "the manner we interact".

 

[Thalassa]

I'm still not decided if I'm SX/SP or SP/SX. It seems to me that when I'm relaxed and confident, I'm SX first. I don't view the SP as my path to growth, so I'm going with SX/SP.

I'm an E9, and don't view it as merging, but more about "becoming one" with the other person. I want to dissect their thoughts, and see how the gears line up and make them tick. There's a strong physical element with my romantic partners, as I want to explore how touch (even if it's just cuddling) and other senses affects those gears.

With me, it's not so much about being inside their skin, but rather, gaining access to the instrument panel of another person (with their willing permission, I have no desire to overcome resistance to something so personal), while trusting them with mine. Their mind and body becomes one with mine as an extension to both of our beings. Like a samurai and his sword.

I think that the difference between SX types and SP types is pretty clear...an SP first person would tend to be a bit...taken aback...by SX intensity. I'm not saying they wouldn't like it, but it may surprise them or something at first. I sometimes wonder if SX/SPs have some bizarre desire to connect with SP/SX.

I think I do.

SX first types also tend to have "bigger" personalities I think, and can seem a little more threatening even.

 

[Amargith]

My INTJ is sp-sx I think. He tends to be aloof and distant when you first meet him. Keeps to himself and observes. Makes sure that he has everything he needs as well, whatever that may be. Once you get to know him, he warms up a bit (he sucks at so, though). If he genuinly likes you, he's suddenly all over you
He goes from 0-100 without giving any warning. He either connects fully or doesn't connect at all. He also doesn't have that yearning to connect with every interesting person he meets, unless they pass severe scrutiny, and he doesn't need many people to connect to, in order to feel fulfilled (in fact, I tend to overload him ). And marm, you're right. I get people telling me they're scared of me and they'd notice me the second I walked through the door. He flies under the radar and attacks from behind the scenes

 

[entropie]

Does merging only apply to sexual attraction or just people in general?
I dont see how you could seprate the two (except if you like animals in the sexual way, brrr)

How do Sx know when they merge with someone?
It's when a week later the one your merged with tells you she's pregnant . no really I do not understand the question, why should I not know ?

What does it feel like to merge with someone?
It's of course the most beautiful thing in the world but my experiences are noones business

How often does that usually happen?
In spring quite often but it cant happen often enough

EDIT: Also, what is your instinctual variant?
öööhm, I dont thing that's anyone business aswell


I wonder if Sx first would more likely to experience this merging of people than Sx second.
nah they need to have sex aswell, otherwise they'ld already have died out

 

[Goosebump]

Hmm, I'm thinking I'm sp/sx. I like intensity but I don't think I crave for it that much from people. From solitary activities, yes. From people, not as much. I'd like to have an interesting conversation. But as marmalade.sunrise said, when thing gets too intense, I can be taken aback at how sudden it is, if I don't know the person that well. I feel nervous when this happens, not because of the person, but because I don't know how to respond back to properly show that I acknowledge their intensity.

 

[Goosebump]

Needs more responses from sensors.

 

[Sunny Ghost]

It applies to attraction, period -- sexual or not.



For me, I get a deep, intense charge that often strikes me as soon as I start relating to them. It's a huge sense of rightness, of immersion, of intuitive connection, of jus being able to say anything and be completely understood, and understanding them. Like a spiral circle of energy flying around and around and around from me to them and back to me, continuously running full-tilt.

I don't do drugs, but I'm sure it would feel similar to a persistent ecstatic/transcendent rush. And I long to keep talking to them / being with them. It's like you're dropping into each other, if that makes sense.



Sort of what I said above. You're "in the zone" with them and vice versa. Just totally in sync.



Not very.

There's a lot of people I can connect with and enjoy and feel basically understood by, but who I can't say I'm merging with and who I've have an immediate jolt of connection with.

I don't know if I can relate to this 100%... I want to feel a deep connection, and have in my more youthful, naive years... however, I find these connections rare or nonexistant now. I'm definitely an SX/SP... the dual nature of SX/SP described me perfectly when I was in a long term relationship. The constant desire to connect, merge, give my entire self and vice versa, yet the constant desire to be independent. Though I find connecting with another nonexistant, I'd say I'm still on a lookout for people I might be able to feel a strong pull towards.

I'm not sure if this topic has been made before but I'm testing out my luck anyway.

I can grasp the concept of merging with nature, music, career, idea, etc. but I don't really understand how exactly one merges with another. I'm trying to figure out whether I'm sx/sp or sp/sx. I'm very sure I'm one of the two but I don't really relate to the concept of merging with another person. I mean, I love to have a deep and interesting conversation with a person to know more about them, but I don't think I've ever felt like I'm "one" with them. And for the record, I've never been in love or a relationship so I wonder if that has to do with anything.



So, my questions are


Does merging only apply to sexual attraction or just people in general?

How do Sx know when they merge with someone?

What does it feel like to merge with someone?

How often does that usually happen?

EDIT: Also, what is your instinctual variant?

I wonder if Sx first would more likely to experience this merging of people than Sx second.

People in general... however, it would be strongest with a lover of course. It used to be more common for me to want to merge with another when I was younger... less common these days. I think I have more walls up than I once did.

Hmm, I'm thinking I'm sp/sx. I like intensity but I don't think I crave for it that much from people. From solitary activities, yes. From people, not as much. I'd like to have an interesting conversation. But as marmalade.sunrise said, when thing gets too intense, I can be taken aback at how sudden it is, if I don't know the person that well. I feel nervous when this happens, not because of the person, but because I don't know how to respond back to properly show that I acknowledge their intensity.

Hmm... this would be hard to decipher from... like I said, I'm sx/sp, and as I've gotten older and put more walls up between me and others, I prefer to find intensity from any experience. I believe this is characteristic of sx's: the need to find intense experiences... be it connecting to music in the same merging type an sx does with other people. It's just that need to feel passionately connected and stirred. My desire to go on a walk is, not simply for the exercise or fresh air, but in hopes of being inspired or to help me connect to self or with the world at large. (but this could also be due to the fact that i'm an sx/sp variant...) Also, if someone comes at me with full intensity when I'm not ready, I'll be thrown off as well. No one wants someone to merge with them unless consent is given to do so... real connection. Haha.

I don't want cheap experiences in life, but real and intense experiences. And I think this will show in my taste of movies and music as well. Unless a friend picks it out, it's unlikely I'd put on a comedy or action flick. I prefer dramas, adventures, anything with meaning or a story that has intense emotions. I want to cry and feel chills, and want to be able to use that experience to relate to. Make sense?

 

[rav3n]

Another way of looking at this is, do you find yourself in a push-pull situation with people? This can potentially be ascribed to sx wanting connection but sp pulling back when it feels threatened which includes feeling overwhelmed.

As the instincts relate to the balance of enneagram theory, your enneagram type and wing will have a lot of impact on how you handle or participate in people-related interactions.