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  1. #1
    Senior Member hilo's Avatar
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    Default sx - do you give confusing signals?

    Last weekend I was at a house party with a bunch of friends, and the next morning, a close friend said (in an offhand way)

    "the way you were talking to XX I thought you were gonna hook up"

    and I think "WTF?"

    We talked about a lot of things - very personal, some disturbing, etc - but at no point was I considering anything but heading home around 2 and hitting bed alone.

    BUT I do like to have intense conversations (with the right people!) - that whole making connections thing that SX are supposed to like.

    Maybe this is an NT thing, I don't know, but 99% of these connections I make are mind-mate type moments. Not sexual. But they get taken the wrong way (as sexual interest) by both outsiders and sometimes the people I'm talking to (I have learned to dial back somewhat since in college when lots of guys thought I was interested when I was not)

    Is this a common problem?
    Does it have anything to do with stacking?
    I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
    - Umberto Eco

    INTP e9 (sx/so/sp)
    Ti = Ne (41.3) > Si (31.2) ~ Ni (31.1) ~ Te (30.1) > Se (24.1) >> Fe (21) & Fi (20.1)
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  2. #2
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Default

    I naturally like to have deep connections and since it's been taken the wrong way so many times, what I find myself doing is "making it known" that I'm not available - right from the very beginning.

    For instance, if someone says "Where's your significant other tonight? Don't you have a girlfriend?" I might say something like, "Nah, girlfriends aren't on my list of priorities right now. Friends? Yes! Girlfriends? No thanks." And then I'll continue talking. I throw it out there - point blank - that way there is absolutely no chance for confusion.

    I've been accused of "making people feel a certain way" and "knowing what I was doing the whole time" when I either (a) had no clue the other person was developing feelings, and/or (b) never wanted them to have feelings. After I realized that my "sx" was causing problems like this, I just made the adjustment and if I feel the conversation sort of "inching" towards a deep conversation, then I make my intentions known flat out. No mixed signals. Take it or leave it. You can keep having a great, deep conversation with me. Or, if my forwardness has made you uncomfortable, then you can stop the conversation right there. That's OK. It's better than the alternative - being accused of something I did not do or of making you feel a certain way.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  3. #3
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Default

    I've never been accused of giving the wrong impression. But then again it's so rare to feel any deep connection with someone.

  4. #4
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    Default

    penetrating attention, although for a wider variety of reasons than people might think. especially with disembodied e5s, the kind of mental space connection consumes us as much as the other binding site.

    at the same time, exploring someone's psychology, your connection with them, etc, does open up this desire to consume them and get to the very bottom of them, their essence, etc. it needn't be sexual, but it could/can/does easily become so. sprawled out in your imagination, etc.

  5. #5
    Junior Member grey bottom socks's Avatar
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    Good possibility. I don't really censor too much of what I say (outside of work). I usually express my thoughts and ideas vividly, as I see it in my head. Sometimes I get really animated, enthusiastic, and passionate, depending on the topic.

    Also, I treat and talk to males and females the same way.

    I've had to tone it down a bit, mostly with guys.

  6. #6
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    Default

    accepting everyone around you with clever smiles is flirting and flirting is sexual

  7. #7
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    I no longer seek out people irl, partly for this reason. And with my colleagues, when I notice that we've known each other for a while, I put a disclaimer in before I relax and am *normal* with them (instead of that huge uncomfortable social gap). In that way I try to do damage control.

    It's tiresome to see that many seems to think that intensity only exists for sexual purposes, but you learn to deal with it *shrug*
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  8. #8
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    Not really, because I tend to only focus in on certain people. I'm picky about who I focus on.

    Of course my attention has been mistaken for sexual before, but I tend to be careful about it as an adult because it occurred when I was a teenager, and I've worked in the adult industry long enough to know when I'm sending out the wrong signals.

  9. #9
    Junior Member IheartFootball10's Avatar
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    yeh, ive been accused of giving out the wrong signals. people seem to think im always flirting 24-7. but thats really not the case. i just love to meet new people, make connections, make new friends, network...hey, im a social person! but i cant tell you how many times guys have thought i wanted to hook up with them and that was never my intent at all. lol
    Life's a Garden, Dig it

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  10. #10
    Senior Member hilo's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Hornet389 View Post
    accepting everyone around you with clever smiles is flirting and flirting is sexual
    ?? That's not what we're talking about. This sounds like "being social" aka so-type stuff. In no way did I imply that I accept everyone - I mentioned I'm selective. And flirting is just not something I do, it's something other people seem to perceive. Intense conversation != flirting.
    I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
    - Umberto Eco

    INTP e9 (sx/so/sp)
    Ti = Ne (41.3) > Si (31.2) ~ Ni (31.1) ~ Te (30.1) > Se (24.1) >> Fe (21) & Fi (20.1)

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