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  1. #11
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hilo View Post
    ?? That's not what we're talking about. This sounds like "being social" aka so-type stuff. In no way did I imply that I accept everyone - I mentioned I'm selective. And flirting is just not something I do, it's something other people seem to perceive. Intense conversation != flirting.
    I think Hornet was being sarcastic. If we are "pleasant" towards people, it is often taken as flirting. And once they think we are flirting, then we must be "into them". It's as if being pleasant = I want to go to bed with you. And for the sx, that is very much not the case. I'm very pleasant around people that I have to be around, but that has no bearing on me being "into them". It's just me being pleasant, funny, easy going, and approachable.

    I was asked the other day if I'm gay because "girls are into me, and I seem flirtatious, but I never take the next step with any of those girls." I guess being an introvert, most of my thoughts are below the surface, so I had to explain: A few of the girls I'm just flat out not interested in and of the ones that I *would be* interested in, one is very nice but has 2 kids, another one is 18 years older than me, and another one came out of the womb just 19 short years ago - all situations that I don't want to get involved in. So, because I continue to be pleasant and approachable, yet never "make a move", I must be gay?

    You just can't make this stuff up.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  2. #12
    Senior Member hilo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    I think Hornet was being sarcastic.

    I was asked the other day if I'm gay because "girls are into me, and I seem flirtatious, but I never take the next step with any of those girls." I guess being an introvert, most of my thoughts are below the surface, so I had to explain: A few of the girls I'm just flat out not interested in and of the ones that I *would be* interested in, one is very nice but has 2 kids, another one is 18 years older than me, and another one came out of the womb just 19 short years ago - all situations that I don't want to get involved in. So, because I continue to be pleasant and approachable, yet never "make a move", I must be gay?

    You just can't make this stuff up.
    Doh. I don't usually miss the sarcasm.

    And I know exactly what you are talking about, except for a girl, you are a "tease". Or, maybe I'm just a nice person interested in getting to know you as another human being? Not a sex object? How can you be put off by someone wanting to talk to you for your mind? Isn't it supposed to be the other thing that's insulting??
    I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
    - Umberto Eco

    INTP e9 (sx/so/sp)
    Ti = Ne (41.3) > Si (31.2) ~ Ni (31.1) ~ Te (30.1) > Se (24.1) >> Fe (21) & Fi (20.1)

  3. #13
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hilo View Post
    Doh. I don't usually miss the sarcasm.

    And I know exactly what you are talking about, except for a girl, you are a "tease". Or, maybe I'm just a nice person interested in getting to know you as another human being? Not a sex object? How can you be put off by someone wanting to talk to you for your mind? Isn't it supposed to be the other thing that's insulting??
    Yeah, good point. I hadn't given much thought to the sx woman's dilemma.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  4. #14
    Senior Member Kristiana's Avatar
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    Yes, I've gotten this before... and I am married, with no intent whatsoever to show interest in any man aside from my husband. >_<
    j'adore les chats

  5. #15
    man-made neptunesnet's Avatar
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    Yes.

    I hold back now (even to the point where I'm pretty cold and aloof when meeting new people, especially men) because I've had so many experiences in the past where someone thought I was romantically interested and I wasn't. At all. Though I can understand why they'd be confused, it's still frustrating.

    Although a counter to that is discovering & knowing someone's story and forming a connection with him/her feels very intimate. If it's compelling enough for me I'll want to consume them. Yeah, that's true.

    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    at the same time, exploring someone's psychology, your connection with them, etc, does open up this desire to consume them and get to the very bottom of them, their essence, etc. it needn't be sexual, but it could/can/does easily become so. sprawled out in your imagination, etc.

  6. #16
    jump sleuthiness's Avatar
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    Sorry to read up on all the frustration. As a social, I, like sexuals here, knowingly/willingly give confusing signals (very warm/approachable, attentive one moment then everything's out the window) that are interpreted by others (reactions from sexuals have been especially interesting - other socials are better with shrugging off) as interest, as verified with experience, both actively and unconsciously, and really very much revel in screwing with people when possible because it's so easy. Usually it's just to see where a road goes, for the fun of it at the very least, or go 95% of the way only to abruptly split in three then dig a hole to China.

    thinking of you

  7. #17
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by candylandjoe View Post
    Sorry to read up on all the frustration. As a social, I, like sexuals here, knowingly/willingly give confusing signals (very warm/approachable, attentive one moment then everything's out the window) that are interpreted by others (reactions from sexuals have been especially interesting - other socials are better with shrugging off) as interest, as verified with experience, both actively and unconsciously, and really very much revel in screwing with people when possible because it's so easy. Usually it's just to see where a road goes, for the fun of it at the very least, or go 95% of the way only to abruptly split in three then dig a hole to China.
    Sounds like a real hoot.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  8. #18
    jump sleuthiness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    Sounds like a real hoot.
    Whenever ethically possible. I mentioned in another thread recently that unsettling others without much notice comes as naturally as hitting the gas as if it were the break. Usually it just entails helping them answer their own questions when I notice any overriding sense of righteousness, holiness, or bigotry that's consumed their intended line of logic like the Blob.

    Breakfast of champions.

    thinking of you

  9. #19
    Senior Member animenagai's Avatar
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    Yeah absolutely, I think a lot of ENFP's share my problem. When I'm happy, I'm exuberant. I mean FFS, I'm an ENFP type 4, I have a 7 in my tritype, there's no other way. People generally take that the wrong way. I met a girl at a party once and out of mere curiosity, asked her to tell me something about herself. She tells me that she's taken. Ummm... that's very nice, but what does that have to do with anything? Here's another example, once when I was in highschool, I had a good chat with a chick in my maths class (I think she's an ENFP too). We were calling each other dorks and stuff, just having fun. I walked home with a mutual friend later on in the day and we were talking about who we would take to the ball and she was convinced that I was gonna ask that chick out. The thought hadn't even hit my mind before then tbh. I think my general playfulness and light-hearted intensity is confusing to a lot of people. I'm just having fun, honest.
    Chimera of Filth

    A gruesome beast with dripping flesh
    Clings to me as a sick fixture
    My throbbing heart it gnawed apart
    It stalks and hunts me through mirrors

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by hilo View Post
    Last weekend I was at a house party with a bunch of friends, and the next morning, a close friend said (in an offhand way)

    "the way you were talking to XX I thought you were gonna hook up"

    and I think "WTF?"

    We talked about a lot of things - very personal, some disturbing, etc - but at no point was I considering anything but heading home around 2 and hitting bed alone.

    BUT I do like to have intense conversations (with the right people!) - that whole making connections thing that SX are supposed to like.

    Maybe this is an NT thing, I don't know, but 99% of these connections I make are mind-mate type moments. Not sexual. But they get taken the wrong way (as sexual interest) by both outsiders and sometimes the people I'm talking to (I have learned to dial back somewhat since in college when lots of guys thought I was interested when I was not)

    Is this a common problem?
    Does it have anything to do with stacking?
    I've heard this from people, and others have mistaken my attention for romantic interest. But I know that I'm not putting out romantic signals, because my romantic signals only comes out when I let them out. In my case I think people mistake Fe for more than it is. I used to care about this and it kept me very held back and in for a while, but now I don't care because someone else's incorrect perception of me is their problem. I'm not going to adjust my behaviour because someone else can't understand how to read signals.

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