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  1. #1
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    Cool The same instinctual variants in relationships

    How important do you think similarity in instinctual variants is in a (short term and long term) relationship, and for what reasons?

    I'm currently talking to a person who I am quite sure has the same variants as me, in the same order. I was "drawn" to this person, for a reason I couldn't really explain. I didn't think much of it at first. I let it be, then didn't contemplate it. Then we started talking again shortly after, and wow. The balance of energy is just.. really like nothing i've experienced. Obviously there are other things which appear to make us compatible, but i'm mainly talking about the interplay of energy here. We're both aware of each others boundaries, yet in this short period of time we've been talking, we're willing (i.e. we want it) to be pierced by each other and probed. It feels like a fulfilling experience, rather than something that drains my energy (being introverted). He's intelligent too, so that helps. Definitely feels good but I think we're both aware of the possibility it might combust, so we don't want to go in too hard and fast.

    Anyone want to guess what you think our variants are for fun? :P (kind of obvious really) anyone experienced the same thing in regards to short term/long term relationships?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    sx/sp !

    I'd think the difference of variants create a good balance, otherwise your doms might compete/clash with each other. Maybe if the first two variants are switched over ... I am attracted to sx/sp, passionate but also reserved so they don't drive me crazy.

  3. #3
    Senior Member hilo's Avatar
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    I don't know if there is a strict rule in play, but as an sx/so, I had the most amazing "natural" attraction and ability to just coexist with a so/sx.
    I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
    - Umberto Eco

    INTP e9 (sx/so/sp)
    Ti = Ne (41.3) > Si (31.2) ~ Ni (31.1) ~ Te (30.1) > Se (24.1) >> Fe (21) & Fi (20.1)

  4. #4
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Yup. I think it's important.

    Personality Types: Enneagram compatibility - instinctual variants - Enneagram and Myers Briggs

    Therefore it appears that indifferent to the Enneagram types involved in a relationship, the odds that they get along well are higher when their instinctual variants are the same or at least similar.
    Sexual

    Sx/Sp more compatible with: Sx/Sp, Sx/So, Sp/Sx
    Sx/So more compatible with: Sx/So, Sx/Sp

    Self-preservational

    Sp/Sx more compatible with: Sp/Sx, Sx/Sp
    Sp/So more compatible with: Sp/So

    Social

    So/Sp more compatible with: So/Sp, So/Sx
    So/Sx more compatible with: So/Sx, So/Sp
    I read another article on this recently but can't find it...

    EDIT. Here it is. Enneagram Instinctual Subtypes
    I think the bit about shifting to a different type when seeking a mate is interesting.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    I still dunno what these instinctual variants mean and say about us.

  6. #6
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Heh!

    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay
    Sp/So more compatible with: Sp/So
    So many choices!

    I agree with what she wrote though. Esp:

    The sp/so stacking is one of the most independent and least relationship-oriented. Being in relationships does not come naturally to them and can easily feel suffocated by too much intimacy or too much social demands. They're highly individualistic and self-reliant and it is more likely that on the long term they will come to appreciate and get along better with a very similar person, with very similar views and behavior.
    My partner is most likely the same stacking and the similar desire for independence and lack of need for sx style closeness makes things easy.

    In the past relationships with non sp's have resulted in my feeling suffocated and their feeling super frustrated. Naturally there are other things at play here, such as who they are, but the suffocation is a big thing for me that spells the end of anything. I believe a relationship with a sx would be more difficult, sp/so or so/sp would likely be the best options for me.

    IOW, yes, I think similarity in instinctual variants are important.

  7. #7
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Interesting..I'm sx-so myself and I *think* my so is sp-sx. I do feel that the intensity between me and an sx-sp is even stronger (though the bond seems to be more fickle as well due to that..despite being very alluring), but overall I am especially drawn to the sp-quality as I so lack it. Other sx-so's are fun and grand as partners in crime, but...we'd so have trouble building a life together as neither of us would really care about how to take care of ourselves

    I do however find that it helps for them to have some sx preference as sp-so's and so-sp's tend to look at me like

    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  8. #8
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Sx/sp or sp/sx are the only combinations that work for me. The so understanding of "relationship" seems to be driven more by external considerations that are peripheral or unimportant to me. Sx is all about the quality/intensity/exclusivity of the connection. I've sometimes wondered about the (to me) unfathomable way other people define relationships. I beginning to wonder if it's just a deep disconnect with the so-cial instinct.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Okay, I've read some descriptions in the past, but can someone please describe to me what the variants mean as if I were an 8 year old? Pretty please? Sorry for the derail.

  10. #10
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Sexuals attract others without really trying. They also repel others in the same way, like an anti-pheromone. This works like a screening function in the mating process. People typically have a strong reaction one way or another towards Sx's, and vice versa.

    Self Pres people instinctively avoid certain foods and environments, and are likewise drawn to those things that nourish and sustain them. Sp's have a strong reaction against things that threaten to harm their comfort or health.

    Social is driven towards gaining protection and empowerment within larger entities.
    Soc's typically react strongly against things which would jeopardize or displace their position or reputation.
    Basically sx is about personal connection, sp is about material comfort and so is about social position.

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