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  1. #1
    Senior Member Gerbah's Avatar
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    Default Using your last instinct

    How do you manage when you want or try to use your last instinct? Can you develop it significantly even when it doesn't feel very natural? I am sx-first and soc-last, and recently I have been conciously trying to use soc more but it doesn't feel that good... When I meet people I am naturally more sensitive to and interested in that unspoken potential to go deeper into another person, or if they are somehow very interesting but I don't yet know why, and when I try to just engage lightly and widely, it's ok, at times it even goes quite well... but a lot of the time I don't feel as confident and like I know what I'm really doing, and I have more doubts running through my head, and I don't actually feel that genuinely engaged even if I want to be. How do others relate to this (whatever your last instinct)?
    the shoheen ho of the wind of the west and the lulla lo of the soft sea billow - Alfred Graves

  2. #2
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    I'm hella uncomfortable with sx (last instinct), both in myself and others, although I do admire the traits it can bring. I would like to be able to be less sp (first function), or at least overcome the negative aspects of sp-ness, but I don't think I could be comfortable developing sx traits. My time would be better spent on stopping myself from indulging in negative sp traits and maybe developing better so traits.

  3. #3
    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
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    I'm actually sx-last and soc-first. I'm your complete opposite!

    I suppose that I become deep and severe, when I listen to good music. For instance, speeding in my truck blasting Motley Crue, I'll sing/shout along and have a great time with myself. That seems "sx-ish" to me. Intense, in-the-moment.
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  4. #4
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Trinity..I'm your opposite

    I hate using SP..it also stresses the life out of me that I have to. I've been actively trying to get a handle on it for a while now, by actually finding a job I love and being able to take care of myself. Not that it's working *sigh*

    I *love* connecting deeply with others, and easily do it, and get lost in it..lose hours like that and would keep doing so if only...I didn't have to f*cking survive as well (read, eat, drink, sleep, make money). I can do the social scene when I have to, to wing stuff, and manoevre myself around society, but taking care of myself...sigh. And somehow I've always been lucky that others who are better at this helped me out. Those that I bond deeply with, tend to be SP-doms or aux. And they rule at this stuff.

    So in essence, I survive through my first instinct, through sx. ( I do work, just don't have an entire career plan worked out and change jobs often and easily due to boredom and plain disinterest etc). I'm working on changing that coz I do think I shoul dbe able to take care of myself. I just royally suck at it.
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  5. #5
    Senior Member Gerbah's Avatar
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    Since you're all my opposites I can learn from you guys

    Quote Originally Posted by Kasper View Post
    I don't think I could be comfortable developing sx traits. My time would be better spent on stopping myself from indulging in negative sp traits and maybe developing better so traits.
    I'm not comfortable either developing my soc traits, it's just that recently I've been feeling a bigger need for it. For a long time I was fine with my sx-based relationships and saw soc-related things as more superficial and not something I really needed to be secure and happy, but now I'm different, circumstances are different, and I see the soc-instinct differently, and myself differently and less individually than I used to. And there are certain valuable goals and aims that can't be achieved without soc-involvement.

    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    I suppose that I become deep and severe, when I listen to good music. For instance, speeding in my truck blasting Motley Crue, I'll sing/shout along and have a great time with myself. That seems "sx-ish" to me. Intense, in-the-moment.
    Yeah, I know what you mean. I love getting lost in something and can do it easily, but similarly to what I said above to Kasper, I'm just feeling more dissatisfied these days with that kind of thing, although it's natural for me. I feel the isolated side of it more now and would like to spend my energy more on cooperative ventures.

    Quote Originally Posted by Satine View Post
    Trinity..I'm your opposite

    I hate using SP..it also stresses the life out of me that I have to. I've been actively trying to get a handle on it for a while now, by actually finding a job I love and being able to take care of myself. Not that it's working *sigh*

    I *love* connecting deeply with others, and easily do it, and get lost in it..lose hours like that and would keep doing so if only...I didn't have to f*cking survive as well (read, eat, drink, sleep, make money). I can do the social scene when I have to, to wing stuff, and manoevre myself around society, but taking care of myself...sigh. And somehow I've always been lucky that others who are better at this helped me out. Those that I bond deeply with, tend to be SP-doms or aux. And they rule at this stuff.

    So in essence, I survive through my first instinct, through sx. ( I do work, just don't have an entire career plan worked out and change jobs often and easily due to boredom and plain disinterest etc). I'm working on changing that coz I do think I shoul dbe able to take care of myself. I just royally suck at it.
    That's interesting, it's pretty natural for me to take care of myself but I can imagine that yes, it must be stressful to find that side of things difficult. You can hardly enjoy other things if you are too stressed out about yourself.

    I am also trying to change the status of my last instinct because it is also stressing me out. I don't know if I'll ever master it though. When I try to be "social" the vibe I get with some people is that I make them uncomfortable, or I get bored quickly and can't generate a natural engagement, which I'm sure they feel from me, though I keep talking and trying to find something that will make things click. *sigh* Or maybe I shouldn't be searching for a "click" at all? I don't know really... Most of the time I know immediately if it's going to "work" with someone else, and if I feel it won't, there's no point trying at all. But I am trying now to make it "work" in other ways.
    the shoheen ho of the wind of the west and the lulla lo of the soft sea billow - Alfred Graves

  6. #6
    Senior Member hilo's Avatar
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    I am only vaguely aware of how one uses Sp. (I'm Sx/so/sp). I can totally get SX, it's what makes me seem to flip a switch in my personality, from cold/aloof/logical (when I don't notice you) to warm/caring/empathetic if I want to get to know you or you are a love one already.

    I do sometimes feel a "danger, back away!" feeling if I start to get to know someone too fast - like if I meet some awesome guy and we start hanging out daily, that would kinda freak me out no matter how great I thought they were (but that could be a 9 avoiding commitments thing).

    I've never thought of sp as meaning taking care of self physically, but in fact I can be quite bad at that unless I am sick/really upset in which case I will sometimes treat myself to some really nice food/long bath/favorite movie kind of treatment. That wasn't my first type of reaction tho, definitely learned. In my younger days I would have just become severe on myself and not ate anything/worked out very hard, etc.

    Not sure if that is coherent.
    I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
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    INTP e9 (sx/so/sp)
    Ti = Ne (41.3) > Si (31.2) ~ Ni (31.1) ~ Te (30.1) > Se (24.1) >> Fe (21) & Fi (20.1)

  7. #7
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gerbah View Post
    When I try to be "social" the vibe I get with some people is that I make them uncomfortable, or I get bored quickly and can't generate a natural engagement, which I'm sure they feel from me, though I keep talking and trying to find something that will make things click. *sigh* Or maybe I shouldn't be searching for a "click" at all? I don't know really... Most of the time I know immediately if it's going to "work" with someone else, and if I feel it won't, there's no point trying at all. But I am trying now to make it "work" in other ways.
    Perfect description of what it feels like to be sx first, soc last. Said it far better than I could.

    I'll try to expand later though, as I think it through. Good thread.

  8. #8
    Junior Member Old-Timey's Avatar
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    I'm sx/sp/so. In the past year, I found myself really needing to develop my 2nd and 3rd instincts, but the social instinct was baffling to me -- pretty much as Gerbah described above. What I found really helped me was to have a pretense, a shared interest, a conversation piece. With SX's, the other person, or the relationship itself, becomes the shared interest. Intimacy is its own center. With SO, I think, there must be some triangulation.

    Anyway, I started organizing creative writers' meetups, which not only requires me to channel more energy to SO, but stirred up my SP too, in my duties as organizer and in the writing itself. I think I've got my instincts as balanced right now as they've ever been in my adult life.

  9. #9
    From the Undertow CuriousFeeling's Avatar
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    As an sx last person here, it takes a bit of effort to achieve the close connection I desire with people. I think it is a matter of gaining trust with the other person, and once I know they won't put me into harm's way, and that I can be emotionally upfront with them, I can be quite close with someone. Not easy getting past the sp barrier though. I find whenever I am in a close relationship with someone I trust, my sx instinct gets activated. Getting involved with listening to music or anything artistic for that matter tends to activate sx as well.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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  10. #10
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    My stacking is sx/sp/so and can be reactionary.

    It starts with being open to intimacy. When threat appears, the wall slams down. So appears if sp feels no threat since so in my opinion, is a necessary add-on to sx. This doesn't mean that so only appears with sx. But within me, I think it does. Eureka moment!

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