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  1. #31
    Senior Member Gerbah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheEmeraldCanopy View Post
    Can you talk a little more about your perspective? I'm trying to decide if I fit best as sx/so/sp or sx/sp/so... I can relate a lot to what you're saying, but I'm still not sure which type fits best.
    How I know for me that I am sx/sp/so is that I'm good at dealing with practical issues. It doesn't stress me out and I just deal with them without worrying and I'm confident the outcome will be positive. And even if at times I let things go, even if I'm depressed or really stressed, I would still never really let things go out of control. I would always take care of my health and environment, etc.

    But as for soc, I'm slightly different now, but especially when younger I really didn't care what other people thought about me, I didn't care how they judged me, I didn't need them. I would get along fine either independently or with the support of those I trusted. I don't play politics, don't care much about power and am very allergic to a herd mentality.

    But with sx, it's like, something I need to live and breathe. If I had no deep connections with at least one other person it would be like death. I would have to live at least for some cause to throw myself into if there weren't other people.
    the shoheen ho of the wind of the west and the lulla lo of the soft sea billow - Alfred Graves

  2. #32
    Senior Member Gerbah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    Is it hard to be an sx-first? It's got to SUCK. I mean talk about stress and invasion. Or do you like it?
    I love it If the other is interesting to me I don't feel invaded at all, and it is a joyful feeling to lose yourself in a person or an activity. At extreme moments, such as when I've been absorbed in an activity, you lose awareness that you even exist.

    What sucks about it for me is that a lot of the time my sx-instinct feels unsatisfied. This is partly why I started this thread because I feel the solution is not to search for more sx but to develop my soc. I think I will never really be at ease with soc, could never really be a skilful player in the social game, but if I can mesh my soc-needs with my sx-needs, the things I really care about, I think that would work well for me.
    the shoheen ho of the wind of the west and the lulla lo of the soft sea billow - Alfred Graves

  3. #33
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    Being SX first pretty much does mean that I do need to be social and form relationships (and I especially crave close one-on-one bonds and intimacy), but it has to be socializing of my own choosing and intent...meaning that I'm super-bad at any kind of social obligation , seriously, including calling my own mother and sister. I even only check facebook once a week (or less, I think I recently went two or three weeks) and that's pretty bad that not only do I not want to call people, I can't even be bothered to read their status updates.

    SO last basically feels like any time I make a commitment to an organization (and I surely have done this in the past) that I'm uber stressed about it and it takes extra energy for me to do so. I've flexed my SO instinct IRL, especially within the last five years or so, and so have somewhat developed it, but it's ... tiring.

    It's weird because SX first *does* mean that I need a social outlet...and that I will make an effort to consistently connect to people I either share interests with or feel genuinely connected to, but sit there and grit my teeth and want to run the hell away if it means that I'm using a bunch of my energy just to be social for social's sake. It feels like a contradiction in terms, but that's the best way for me to explain it.

    SP being secondary just means that I frequently hide and it's also probably what makes it so draining for me to feel "obligated."

  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    Is it hard to be an sx-first? It's got to SUCK. I mean talk about stress and invasion. Or do you like it?
    In my mind, SO first has to suck. To me that is stress and invasion.

    SX first is natural to me. It means I want to connect with people I naturally gravitate to, and spend my time doing that.

    SO freaks me out, because it means using pieces of my energy to appease or entertain people I don't feel like talking to. SO makes me think of random people stealing my energy.

    SX on the other hand means I want to genuinely give those people my energy. It's hard for me to be any other way, though I can force SO, it's tiring.

    Quote Originally Posted by Petra Pan View Post
    how i practice using my SO last; I am trying to convince myself that it IS important to do my hair when I am going to the store, even though those people will never ever see me again or remember me.


    Nah.

  5. #35
    Senior Member Gerbah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    SO freaks me out, because it means using pieces of my energy to appease or entertain people I don't feel like talking to. SO makes me think of random people stealing my energy.
    That's how it feels for me too. Not that they're "stealing" exactly (maybe that's because you are INFJ?) but I'm very tired after a certain while.

    EDIT: I just noticed you are actually "cute". Sorry, I thought I saw once you were INFJ.
    the shoheen ho of the wind of the west and the lulla lo of the soft sea billow - Alfred Graves

  6. #36
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metaphor View Post
    True but sp interferes too much. I've got a long-time friend who I've kept at arms-length since he's the type that's bad for me long-term. Why not just go for it and get all that tension out of the way? But I won't and can't.
    If you are single and not opposed to the idea, and neither is he, just have fun for a couple of months. I love meeting new people and if I were single, I'd know *several* guys I'd love to have fun with, without them ever being the perfect lifepartner for me. Just make those boundaries clear and be honest with him throughout as to how things are proceeding. Ask him for the same.

    If you keep everything open and honest...there's no reason you couldn't have something meaningful with him without it being Love with a big L. Just keep in mind 'why' it is that he wouldn't be a good lifepartner for you, and don't let the infatuation make you insane. Just enjoy
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  7. #37
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gerbah View Post
    I love it If the other is interesting to me I don't feel invaded at all, and it is a joyful feeling to lose yourself in a person or an activity. At extreme moments, such as when I've been absorbed in an activity, you lose awareness that you even exist.

    What sucks about it for me is that a lot of the time my sx-instinct feels unsatisfied. This is partly why I started this thread because I feel the solution is not to search for more sx but to develop my soc. I think I will never really be at ease with soc, could never really be a skilful player in the social game, but if I can mesh my soc-needs with my sx-needs, the things I really care about, I think that would work well for me.
    Quote Originally Posted by Gerbah View Post
    How I know for me that I am sx/sp/so is that I'm good at dealing with practical issues. It doesn't stress me out and I just deal with them without worrying and I'm confident the outcome will be positive. And even if at times I let things go, even if I'm depressed or really stressed, I would still never really let things go out of control. I would always take care of my health and environment, etc.

    But as for soc, I'm slightly different now, but especially when younger I really didn't care what other people thought about me, I didn't care how they judged me, I didn't need them. I would get along fine either independently or with the support of those I trusted. I don't play politics, don't care much about power and am very allergic to a herd mentality.

    But with sx, it's like, something I need to live and breathe. If I had no deep connections with at least one other person it would be like death. I would have to live at least for some cause to throw myself into if there weren't other people.
    Yes! What you say here is exactly true for me. I'm at that younger stage though that you described lol.
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  8. #38
    Junior Member Old-Timey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    Is it hard to be an sx-first? It's got to SUCK. I mean talk about stress and invasion. Or do you like it?
    It comes naturally by definition, but it can be a drag for others. An unbalanced SX'er can smother non-SX'ers in relationships ... and a double-SX'er relationship is more prone to burn-out than any other match. I think consciously giving energy to SO and SP, besides taking pressure off the intimate relationship, is essential in building the relationship itself. I think a strong intimate relationship has SP and SO elements.

  9. #39
    Freaking Ratchet Rail Tracer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gerbah View Post
    How I know for me that I am sx/sp/so is that I'm good at dealing with practical issues. It doesn't stress me out and I just deal with them without worrying and I'm confident the outcome will be positive. And even if at times I let things go, even if I'm depressed or really stressed, I would still never really let things go out of control. I would always take care of my health and environment, etc.

    But as for soc, I'm slightly different now, but especially when younger I really didn't care what other people thought about me, I didn't care how they judged me, I didn't need them. I would get along fine either independently or with the support of those I trusted. I don't play politics, don't care much about power and am very allergic to a herd mentality.

    But with sx, it's like, something I need to live and breathe. If I had no deep connections with at least one other person it would be like death. I would have to live at least for some cause to throw myself into if there weren't other people.
    Yeah, I have trouble trying to find whether my last variant is SO or SP. Somehow, the way that you are saying it, makes me think my last variant is SO.

    It is like how you put it. When I was younger, I didn't care as much about what others think of me. I did not care much about the cliques in high school, or if I was going to be popular in school or not. All I cared about was the people that were close enough to me in school. I did not care who the popular or unpopular people were. If I befriend a person, it was because I take a liking to the person and not because of his/her status in school.

  10. #40
    libtard SJW chickpea's Avatar
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    my social instinct is very underdeveloped. i'm not good at drawing attention to myself in large groups. i care a lot about what a select few think of me, but people as a whole i don't really care. i seek people out who interest me and that i connect with, i never think about their value, or the connections they could bring me, or what the social consequences are of offending them etc. i've alienated myself from certain groups of friends before because i decided i didn't like one person, and because of my lack of foresight about the group dynamic i didn't just suck it up and pretend like i probably should have.

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