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  1. #21
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metaphor View Post
    True but sp interferes too much. I've got a long-time friend who I've kept at arms-length since he's the type that's bad for me long-term. Why not just go for it and get all that tension out of the way? But I won't and can't.
    I've done this, gotten with someone who wouldn't be good for me in the long term. Lasted about a month, sp was screaming at me the whole time but I decided to ignore it to go along with my sx desires. I can safely say that I got some emotional scarring from that... but not too bad. So never again. Everything has to be manageable and work out somehow; it has to be realistic and safe.

    I'm with you on self pres. It is definitely a necessity, I don't understand how sp lasts can manage. Wouldn't they get themselves in many situations that would hurt them in the long run?
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  2. #22
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    I'm sp/so/sx.

    I don't connect easily with people (when it comes to highly vulnerable sharing of personal stuff/emotions), BUT that said, in many/most cases I don't desire a deep connection in this uber-personal sense. Sharing of ideas, experiences, opinions, thoughts...absolutely... but vulnerabilities and emotions.. not so much.

    However, in cases where I DO desire to forge that deep emotional bond (mostly tied to romantic relationships), I find myself not knowing HOW exactly to go about doing that. Basically it's the reverse of Satine's problem - she doesn't know HOW to do sp exactly, but connects readily and with ease with people, whereas I'm expert at sp but sx is something that doesn't seem to work properly in my brain or I don't know how to get it to function. Also, these 'bursts'/moments of sx (I guess.. I don't know what else to call them), depending on their nature, can be incredibly uncomfortable for me. Hence my not willingly going there most of the time. Truthfully though, in the context of romance, those bursts bring me closer to the other, despite the awkwardness in my expression/sharing and turmoil/stress that it can bring me.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  3. #23
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    I feel very anxious when I get too close to someone. I always need an escape route before I dip into passionate encounters. It's not that I'm not sexual or flirtatious, I just get very antsy if it goes on for too long. Like putting my face near an open flame, need to step away at some point before some wind blows at us from out of nowhere. I am actually surprised SX is my last but the SO/SX descriptions do not fit me. Hmmm.

  4. #24
    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebe View Post
    I feel very anxious when I get too close to someone. I always need an escape route before I dip into passionate encounters. It's not that I'm not sexual or flirtatious, I just get very antsy if it goes on for too long. Like putting my face near an open flame, need to step away at some point before some wind blows at us from out of nowhere. I am actually surprised SX is my last but the SO/SX descriptions do not fit me. Hmmm.
    You nailed it... as another sx-last, there have been times I'd tried to get "emotionally" passionate, but then I just suddenly jump back, and I'm like WTF am I doing??

    It's just weird. I'm big on adventure/risk (as in sports, traveling, eating, business ventures), but when it comes to "connecting" with someone, I kind of panic if someone tries to "connect" with me. (This only applies in a spiritual/emotional sense, not sexually... )

    Is it hard to be an sx-first? It's got to SUCK. I mean talk about stress and invasion. Or do you like it?
    3w4-9w1-?w6 (nearly headless nick)
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  5. #25
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    You nailed it... as another sx-last, there have been times I'd tried to get "emotionally" passionate, but then I just suddenly jump back, and I'm like WTF am I doing??

    It's just weird. I'm big on adventure/risk (as in sports, traveling, eating, business ventures), but when it comes to "connecting" with someone, I kind of panic if someone tries to "connect" with me. (This only applies in a spiritual/emotional sense, not sexually... )

    Is it hard to be an sx-first? It's got to SUCK. I mean talk about stress and invasion. Or do you like it?
    It's not hard at all! I love my sx first. I love it when people get crazy intense, deep, tell me things about themselves. I love having intense emotional bonds with people. It's not invasive at all. It would be hella stressful for me to be a soc first.

    Let's see... Soc last. I just find that I really don't care about what's going on in the world. I only really care about what's going on in my life. I really just don't care about social trends; I don't really understand how to be socially appealing or really the concept. It drains me a lot to keep and maintain a lot of social connections; I am pretty apathetic about it. But I make a lot of personal connections and I sort of "zone out" some of them because it gets to be overwhelming.

    I try to make an effort to talk to people though. In fact I can talk really easily to random people (when I'm hyper lol) but it has to be in a superficial way, otherwise I get drained. If I actually would maintain everything I start up like that I would probably go insane. But that's how I use it; or try to.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  6. #26
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    I've done this, gotten with someone who wouldn't be good for me in the long term. Lasted about a month, sp was screaming at me the whole time but I decided to ignore it to go along with my sx desires. I can safely say that I got some emotional scarring from that... but not too bad. So never again. Everything has to be manageable and work out somehow; it has to be realistic and safe.

    I'm with you on self pres. It is definitely a necessity, I don't understand how sp lasts can manage. Wouldn't they get themselves in many situations that would hurt them in the long run?
    Maybe but don't you sometimes wonder if sp is doing more harm than good? That it over-protects and prevents opportunities that other stackings might happily proceed with and even find once they're in it, that it was a worthwhile risk?

  7. #27
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metaphor View Post
    Maybe but don't you sometimes wonder if sp is doing more harm than good? That it over-protects and prevents opportunities that other stackings might happily proceed with and even find once they're in it, that it was a worthwhile risk?
    Yeah it definitely can. You've just gotta take those risks and see which ones are good to take and which ones aren't. Sometimes the bad outweighs the good. It's all about balance.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  8. #28
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    It's not hard at all! I love my sx first. I love it when people get crazy intense, deep, tell me things about themselves. I love having intense emotional bonds with people. It's not invasive at all. It would be hella stressful for me to be a soc first.

    Let's see... Soc last. I just find that I really don't care about what's going on in the world. I only really care about what's going on in my life. I really just don't care about social trends; I don't really understand how to be socially appealing or really the concept. It drains me a lot to keep and maintain a lot of social connections; I am pretty apathetic about it. But I make a lot of personal connections and I sort of "zone out" some of them because it gets to be overwhelming.

    I try to make an effort to talk to people though. In fact I can talk really easily to random people (when I'm hyper lol) but it has to be in a superficial way, otherwise I get drained. If I actually would maintain everything I start up like that I would probably go insane. But that's how I use it; or try to.
    This is so interesting. I am fascinated about what's going on in the world. I don't care about gossip. But I do care about what's happening in other countries and more broad, general ideas about society and different groups. Focusing on just one person or a small group to generate my ideas and relying on them to make me happy is so depressing. I never realized this before but when people get too emotionally heavy on me, I feel so uncomfortable. It feels almost icky to me. Like, please, one memory at a time. But Rebe, I'm an open book. I don't want you to be an open book! Ahhhh! Emotional bonding is essential to relationships and it's endearing when people just open up and let you in, but I need it to be done really slow...and more intellectually than emotionally, if that makes sense. When people tell me about their past hurts, I need to withdraw from them, maintain my space. I don't like to be all, I feel your pain deeply and at this moment, we are one. No, no, no, you stay there and I will stay here. Unless you want sex.

  9. #29
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebe View Post
    This is so interesting. I am fascinated about what's going on in the world. I don't care about gossip. But I do care about what's happening in other countries and more broad, general ideas about society and different groups.
    I really just honestly never find myself thinking about this. Watching international news makes me want to snooze 95% of the time, or I find something more interesting in the environment for entertainment. It's not that I don't care, I'm just really not inclined to be affected by it that much it seems. Politics, all that stuff. I'm just apathetic. The only world goings on that I'm not apathetic about include people and people suffering; since I do care about people in general.

    Focusing on just one person or a small group to generate my ideas and relying on them to make me happy is so depressing.
    Now this is interesting to me. The group helps you generate your ideas? I've noticed that with social first INFPs now that I think about it. I'm totally against being affected by group thinking actually, I want to think my own thing. I hate being affected by people in that way truth be told, unless they are someone I respect and/or have bonded with (and like them). I'm not saying that I'm totally against group thinking, just having that as a major influence. If the group thinking is logical, then it's naturally logical to go along with what they are thinking of in that moment.

    I'm guessing with the so first you take some from the group, and with the sp you also have an equal part of yourself in the equation? This is why I find sx lasts fascinating, they seem to balanced between themselves and others yet when it comes to sx they get so weird.

    I never realized this before but when people get too emotionally heavy on me, I feel so uncomfortable. It feels almost icky to me. Like, please, one memory at a time. But Rebe, I'm an open book. I don't want you to be an open book! Ahhhh! Emotional bonding is essential to relationships and it's endearing when people just open up and let you in, but I need it to be done really slow...
    For me I really like emotionally intense stuff. I only feel uncomfortable if I feel that they won't receive my intensity well.

    I agree with taking things slow, but for different reasons. I could easily get everything interesting out of someone in a few days, but then I get bored with them and forget about them. So I like taking things slow if I see it as a potential meaningful relationship so I can bond with them and have mutual experiences with them at the same time, rather than doing the bonding first. The ideal relationships are the ones where my sx NEVER gets bored; I find myself absolutely craving the presence of the person when it's like that (usually other sx firsts, but not always. Best friend is an sp/so afterall).

    and more intellectually than emotionally, if that makes sense. When people tell me about their past hurts, I need to withdraw from them, maintain my space. I don't like to be all, I feel your pain deeply and at this moment, we are one. No, no, no, you stay there and I will stay here. Unless you want sex.
    Yeah I like having the emotional part more than intellectual, but intellectual bonding is still important (maybe this is also SF vs NF). And if someone tells me about themselves I find myself getting closer! I'm like hell yeah this person is letting me in! Time to mesh with them!
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gerbah View Post
    How do you manage when you want or try to use your last instinct? Can you develop it significantly even when it doesn't feel very natural? I am sx-first and soc-last, and recently I have been conciously trying to use soc more but it doesn't feel that good... When I meet people I am naturally more sensitive to and interested in that unspoken potential to go deeper into another person, or if they are somehow very interesting but I don't yet know why, and when I try to just engage lightly and widely, it's ok, at times it even goes quite well... but a lot of the time I don't feel as confident and like I know what I'm really doing, and I have more doubts running through my head, and I don't actually feel that genuinely engaged even if I want to be. How do others relate to this (whatever your last instinct)?
    Can you talk a little more about your perspective? I'm trying to decide if I fit best as sx/so/sp or sx/sp/so... I can relate a lot to what you're saying, but I'm still not sure which type fits best.
    4w3 sx/sp? INFP, INFp

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