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  1. #1
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Default Push and pull: sp/sx

    I've always noticed this push-pull energy in myself. Sometimes there are those few people I would like to connect deeply with and I crave being with them. It's strong, intense, and 'devouring'. I find myself bordering on obsession and I actively seek all sorts of contact with them. However, once I make progress -- once a new level of intimacy has been reached, I get scared. I pull myself back, I try to run, usually without the person knowing. But after I do that, the cycle starts again and I long for that deep connection once more.

    I find this extremely frustrating and I really hate myself for it. It's like I can't decide what I want. At first I thought it was a 4w5 thing -- longing for emotion intensity but afraid of being overwhelmed, but then I was thinking that this might be an sp/sx characteristic.

    So, sp/sx's, can you relate at all? Most of the time I keep people at a distance, but when I start letting someone in, I go through endless loops of pull and push. At least I feel closer to them after each loop, though -- I just hope it won't be like this forever

    Of course, opinions from other types will be greatly appreciated too!

  2. #2
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    It might be an sp/sx or sx/sp thing. I was just thinking about this one too actually and how I have observed it in my life a little bit. As far as I'm aware I'm a 9w8 (not sure on the wing) sx/sp or sp/sx. I think with time you learn to moderate the intensity of both sides of the cycle... that has been my experience. I've learned to moderate it somewhat, but definitely not entirely.
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  3. #3
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    I identify with sp/so but I can definitely feel the push-pull energy within myself as well. Thus far I've always attributed it to being 4w5. It doesn't really resemble obsession and I don't actively seek out the connection with people but it is a constant cycle that comes and goes and gives me a lot of heartache and doubts, unfortunately.

    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    Most of the time I keep people at a distance, but when I start letting someone in, I go through endless loops of pull and push. At least I feel closer to them after each loop...
    This is something I can very much relate to.

  4. #4
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    I could strongly relate when I was younger(early 20's and under); particularly regarding specific people. I most identify with sx/so 9w1.
    There is a thinking stuff from which all things are made, and which, in its original state, permeates, penetrates, and fills the interspaces of the universe.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    I've always noticed this push-pull energy in myself. Sometimes there are those few people I would like to connect deeply with and I crave being with them. It's strong, intense, and 'devouring'. I find myself bordering on obsession and I actively seek all sorts of contact with them. However, once I make progress -- once a new level of intimacy has been reached, I get scared. I pull myself back, I try to run, usually without the person knowing. But after I do that, the cycle starts again and I long for that deep connection once more.

    I find this extremely frustrating and I really hate myself for it. It's like I can't decide what I want. At first I thought it was a 4w5 thing -- longing for emotion intensity but afraid of being overwhelmed, but then I was thinking that this might be an sp/sx characteristic.

    So, sp/sx's, can you relate at all? Most of the time I keep people at a distance, but when I start letting someone in, I go through endless loops of pull and push. At least I feel closer to them after each loop, though -- I just hope it won't be like this forever

    Of course, opinions from other types will be greatly appreciated too!
    Yes, I can identify with this extremely well.... it has often made me crazy, and I dislike my behavior which results from this push-and-pull-drive...aargh. I am afraid I don't have any good "advice" to give, since I have not been able to "sort it out" for myself....I'm also beginning to think that I should just accept this as being part of myself, and that there is no way to really sort it out, but to handle it..... and I know an IN?J friend who is very similar on this... And I also believe I am an sp/sx, and a 4, even though I am unsure of my wing....

  6. #6

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    I've more often wanted to keep people close to me and been consistent. I relate best to 9w8 sp/sx. I see more of a push pull dynamic in people and agendas than in relationships and emotional connection.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    I've always noticed this push-pull energy in myself. Sometimes there are those few people I would like to connect deeply with and I crave being with them. It's strong, intense, and 'devouring'. I find myself bordering on obsession and I actively seek all sorts of contact with them. However, once I make progress -- once a new level of intimacy has been reached, I get scared. I pull myself back, I try to run, usually without the person knowing. But after I do that, the cycle starts again and I long for that deep connection once more.

    I find this extremely frustrating and I really hate myself for it. It's like I can't decide what I want. At first I thought it was a 4w5 thing -- longing for emotion intensity but afraid of being overwhelmed, but then I was thinking that this might be an sp/sx characteristic.

    So, sp/sx's, can you relate at all? Most of the time I keep people at a distance, but when I start letting someone in, I go through endless loops of pull and push. At least I feel closer to them after each loop, though -- I just hope it won't be like this forever

    Of course, opinions from other types will be greatly appreciated too!
    My "fear" stops before I feel the need to run, in fact what I feel is just a warning that gives insight of possibilities. The only thing I'm afraid of is acting too obsessed, which makes me hold back my overwhelming what-ever-it-is. But the bolded part is about right.

  8. #8
    Senior Member WoodsWoman's Avatar
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    INFP 4w5 sp/sx
    I relate.

  9. #9
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Thanks everyone for your contribution!

    This is very interesting! So far, it seems 4s, especially 4w5s can generally relate, so it might be a 4w5 thing after all.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sky is BLUE! View Post
    I identify with sp/so but I can definitely feel the push-pull energy within myself as well. Thus far I've always attributed it to being 4w5. It doesn't really resemble obsession and I don't actively seek out the connection with people but it is a constant cycle that comes and goes and gives me a lot of heartache and doubts, unfortunately.
    Wow, this might illustrate the difference between secondary sx and secondary so. How do you feel this 'pull'? I've always have this idea that sx is more like a fishing rod while so is more like a net, but generally I still find introverted with so a bit puzzling. (As in "Where the heck do you get all that energy to connect with people? )


    It also seems that acceptance types (6,9) do not really feel a strong emotional push. I guess it could be that their E-types already favor connecting and belonging, so sp doesn't manifest itself as a desire to run away screaming. But then, again, Charmed Justice also experiences this as a 9w1...

    So, perhaps it is not entirely a 4w5 thing, but just an effect of the conflicting nature of adjacent enneagram types?

    More opinions are welcome

  10. #10
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    I am 5w6 sp/sx, or possibly sx/sp, with so a very distant third. To me, personal relationships are often all or nothing. My default posture is to keep all people at a distance and to allow only the interaction necessary to accomplish what needs to be done. Now and then, I run into someone who merits more attention, and justifies more risk. If I find I have finally discovered another kindred spirit (and this is how I often see them), I will take the plunge and allow the relationship to become as deep and intense as we can bear. This really does feel like diving into a bottomless pit, not necessarily in a negative sense, though it can be scary if done fast. I cannot become close to someone this way in a group setting, even if we initially meet that way, and group interactions are always much less comfortable and enjoyable.

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