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  1. #21
    Junior Member grey bottom socks's Avatar
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    I'm a 5w4 wing sp/sx and I crave for these connections; they happen so rarely for me. I'll maybe come across someone like this once every 2-3 years. Wish it happened more, but then it wouldn't be so 'mind-blowing' and special if it did.

    And it usually involves underlying sexual tension.

  2. #22
    Don't pet me. JAVO's Avatar
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    I'm a 5w4 sx/sp, and the OP describes me well. I used to get stressed and down on myself about it, but now I just go with the flow.

  3. #23
    Junior Member grey bottom socks's Avatar
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    I figured the best ways to 'survive' is through adaptation and humor. I should just transform into a crow. :chicken:

  4. #24
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JAVO View Post
    I'm a 5w4 sx/sp, and the OP describes me well.
    +1
    It really pisses people off too. (understandably)

    ETA. I don't feel closer after each "loop", I feel further away.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  5. #25
    ^He pronks, too! Magic Poriferan's Avatar
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    I'm the so-called sx/sp (or I-P-S).

    Maybe it is because I've never gotten close enough to turn things around, but I've never felt a pushing feeling from a person that I previously felt pulled toward.
    Go to sleep, iguana.


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    INTP. Type 1>6>5. sx/sp.
    Live and let live will just amount to might makes right

  6. #26
    Welcome to Sunnyside Mondo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    I've always noticed this push-pull energy in myself. Sometimes there are those few people I would like to connect deeply with and I crave being with them. It's strong, intense, and 'devouring'. I find myself bordering on obsession and I actively seek all sorts of contact with them. However, once I make progress -- once a new level of intimacy has been reached, I get scared. I pull myself back, I try to run, usually without the person knowing. But after I do that, the cycle starts again and I long for that deep connection once more.

    I find this extremely frustrating and I really hate myself for it. It's like I can't decide what I want. At first I thought it was a 4w5 thing -- longing for emotion intensity but afraid of being overwhelmed, but then I was thinking that this might be an sp/sx characteristic.

    So, sp/sx's, can you relate at all? Most of the time I keep people at a distance, but when I start letting someone in, I go through endless loops of pull and push. At least I feel closer to them after each loop, though -- I just hope it won't be like this forever

    Of course, opinions from other types will be greatly appreciated too!
    Maybe it's that your sp instinct is initially in favor of making the connection but then sees its loss of control and then pushes you back.. of course, the sx instinct has some power too.
    MBTI Type: iNTj
    Enneagram Type: 3w4 sp/sx

  7. #27
    Don't pet me. JAVO's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I'm frightened of being smothered and losing my independence & individuality. At the same time, the fantasy - this romantic paragon I'll create - is very alluring. I like the idea of connecting deeply and intensely with someone, and I fall prey to the idea just enough to pull someone in (because they seem to fit the picture in my head), and then once it begins to become a reality & the fantasy dissolves, I push them away.
    I (5w4 sx/sp) do this too, but the "fantasy" is detached as if it's just a movie script I'm playing with. Sometimes, just like a good movie, it becomes very real though.

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Anyway, I thought this was a 4 & 5 thing also....in the Everything Enneagram book, 4s are said to latch onto fantasy relationships to avoid the potential hurt and shame of the real thing (and the fact that it will never be "ideal"). I believe 5s are said to desire some intimacy, but their need for solitude and independence is easily threatened - or something like that. My memory fails me at this moment....
    Both of these fit me well, except that thing 4's do is more detached for me. I definitely often face a conflict with sx being opposed to 5: the sx goals threaten the 5 goals of solititude and independence, and that's where sp steps in.

    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    +1
    It really pisses people off too. (understandably)

    ETA. I don't feel closer after each "loop", I feel further away.
    Exactly... to both of these statements.

  8. #28
    :) INFtha14's Avatar
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    I notice a push pull myself as well. It's similar to what OA said in a previous post. I tend to be fine and then something happens where I just need to be alone. All of a sudden I feel scared and I want to think for a bit/be alone. It's a fear thing on my end (6w7 Sp Sx).

    As an example.

    I remember quite a few years ago when some person expressed interest in me and I was feeling alright with it. Then all of a sudden this huge amount of fear started creeping up and I just wanted to forget the whole thing/idea.

    It's a definite push/pull. I'd like it but I get scared and want to back out like a cat wanting out of the water. It comes on very suddenly when I was just comfortable with it. It's like you want to stay or your feeling fine but then you think about this and that so on and so on. Then the panic/fear sets in .

    But yeah I see a push/pull definitely. I'm curious if I should create a thread here about how to counteract the push/pull reaction in SP/SX especially for type 6's in matters of developing more intimate relationships.
    What is Feeling?
    Feeling is primarily a process.....that imparts to the content a definite value in the sense of acceptance or rejection. In the same way that thinking organizes the contents of consciousness under concepts, feeling arranges them according to their value. Feeling, like thinking, is a rational function, since values in general are assigned according to the laws of reason...
    (Carl Jung, Psychological Types, Chapter XI - Definitions)

  9. #29
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Welcome to push-pull! And while it's not as extreme as referenced in the opening post, maybe due to the reverse sx/sp, it can get this way. IMO, this is sourced from having trust issues. When sp feels threatened, it reacts by closing the door.

    Thinking about this a bit more, it makes sense that it would be a more extreme action when sp leads and sx is less developed.

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