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  1. #21
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    As far as the tips/tools, that's where I'm kind of stuck. I will sometimes make myself vulnerable first, telling about a fear or minor insecurity to show that I trust the other person, and to hopefully invite them to share stuff about themselves if they feel so inclined. Otherwise, I don't know, because I don't want to over-rely on that tactic, lest I seem needier or more insecure than I actually am. :-P I would love to hear others' thoughts.
    Hmmm.....well, it probably won't work with everyone. But for me, the more someone is vulnerable to me, the more I feel like I am safe to be vulnerable to them. Two-way street kind of thing. I guess just give it a try, and if they don't open up to you as much as you do to them, hold back for the time being. If your relationship goes well, they'll open up eventually.

  2. #22
    brainheart
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    I love this thread.

    how do non-Sx's have deep, emotive relationships where there is a tight, close bond with the other person? Do you even want that kind of connection? It's tricky. I'm an so/sp/sx 4; I never feel like I know how to convey my feelings for others properly. I tend towards being too emotionally withdrawn. I want connection, but I need my space. It's like a constant balancing act. I don't share much about myself for the most part. I talk about my feelings in abstractions, theories, stories. It's never direct. I think I can seem pretty five-like a lot of the time. I'd rather just have things be good, stable. It can cause problems with my husband sometimes, who definitely has the sx variant ranked higher than I. He always wants to make eye contact and whisper sweet nothings and it makes me nervous. I tend to escape into my internal world when placed in this position.


    And how can you achieve that (without alcohol)? Alcohol definitely helps me access my sx variant. But it can also make it be too strong. Sx feels like an inferior function to me, like I don't know how to do it right. Too strong, too weak, never just right.

    Does it take initiation/pushing from the other person? Often yes. But not always.

    How do you react to that? It tends to make me withdraw and disconnect for the most part, but sometimes it works.

    Can you create a reciprocal relationship where you reveal as much as you give? If so, how? I think it depends on the person. I think I tend to reveal more than SP types, but I often regret it later, in that social four shame sort of way. The best relationships (I'm talking friendships here) I've had are reciprocal, so I guess it happens. I don't share all my thoughts, etc, with my husband, but we have a good relationship. We have fun together. We respect each other's needs, etc. I do, however, feel like I can never give him as much love and affection as he wants. It's like he's a plant and there's a hole in the bottom of his pot and so he constantly needs to be re-watered. Meanwhile, if you water me too much it goes nowhere and I start to drown. If that makes any sense.

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