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  1. #31
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Hold THE FUCK up. I do not know how many times it's been stated to deaf ears that madmins have NO ACCESS TO PMs.

    You are treading dangerous waters with me this very moment. Do not blight my name with such accusations, because that's serious. There is a Madmin Constitution in that modbox that I have abided by from the day I was asked to be a mod. Do not defame my character in that manner. But I guess I hit a nerve so you had to hit a nerve with me. Fair.

    If you think you move under the cover of darkness and that people don't blatantly see how you operate then you're deluding yourself. I don't need to read PMs (which I can't) or go to vent. I can count on my two hands the amount of times I've been in Vent over the last year and IIRC you barely speak, or rather you speak only with certain people privately so you can get your (and their) intimacy juices flowing. That in of itself, speaks volumes.

    I'm a Fe-dom, I notice this stuff in my sleep.

    I've had much more important things happen in my life over the last year then to even check up on you or anyone to that extent. What I see goes on in-thread where anyone can see and it has been seen.



    OK. You keep saying "play" over and over again. I don't "play" with people like that. I don't understand why you keep using that word or the way in which you mean it. Perhaps you could respond in the sx-dom thread?
    And I don't know how many times I've said by now that I always check and double check people on the free-will thing. Deaf ears, anyone?

    The reason I hit that nerve is because you're not the only one who sees what's going on here. Think of me what you will, but you should caution yourself in slandering my name *just as much*

    I'm not the only one capable of (ab)using her social graces, I'd say. You might have a very differentway about it, but you're no innocent girl yourself.
    I have to say, I kind of regret opening up to you the way I did, as I genuinly thought you sought to understand. Guess I was wrong. I won't make that mistake again, believe me.

    As for what others think of me, I don't care..as long as they get the chance to make up their *own* minds.

    I'm done defending myself on this. Especially to you.



    @Peacebaby: My appologies, it stops here, I promise.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  2. #32
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    There's lots of information to be gained from conflict, and I don't want to discourage opposing viewpoints; I just would prefer it not get personal ... you know what I mean I am sure.

    That being said, there are nuances here I have not been able to put a name to before, and it is fascinating. Carry on - I want to hear more.
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  3. #33
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Satine View Post
    I have to say, I kind of regret opening up to you the way I did, as I genuinly thought you sought to understand. Guess I was wrong. I won't make that mistake again, believe me.
    You didn't enlighten me to anything I hadn't already noticed (see exchange with JtM above as an example). I just wanted to understand the nuts and bolts.

    But then that brings us full circle...maybe that does have something to do with being so/sx vs sx-dom. I'm extremely vigilant about who I open myself up to. Someone simply expressing curiosity about me doesn't make me spill my guts to them. Curiosity is not intimacy. You can knock, but it's my prerogative if I want to open the door and allow you to enter. I have no problem sitting on the front porch, talking with you for hours, bringing you something to drink. If I feel comfortable with you, then you come inside. Me asking a person certain questions or having a certain conversations and vice versa doesn't necessarily indicate anything more than information exchange. It can and does, but it's not my first thought. Since I'm aware this does often imply more than congenial rapport to some people, that reinforces even why I'm careful about what I say to people. I don't want to imply more than what is there.

    I have had very intimate conversations with strangers and never saw them again. I enjoy that. I think that intimacy was for the moment and should remain two ships passing in the night and saying things to people I know I would never see again was good. It is important for me to recognize the worth of that moment, treasure it and not try to make it more than what it was. I've written this before but I choose who I emotionally anchor and bind myself with carefully because I can't output 100% to 100 people and I don't like to have a revolving door of people coming and going around me.

    Everyone who I have deeply bonded with have changed me and I am malleable to them. They have influence over me, I listen to them, I trust them, I take their advice, I tell them things. I've let these people make decisions for me. I'm an EJ through and through and if I'm letting someone decide for me, what I'm going to do, that's a big effing deal!
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  4. #34
    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
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    There you guys are!!

    ENTP, SLUEI, 7w6, so/sp, aura: tie dye, bye bye.
    3w4-9w1-?w6 (nearly headless nick)
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    COCKBURN:

    http://sundrytimes.files.wordpress.c...tomic-bomb.jpg


  5. #35
    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    I guess internet interaction like this forum (which is more substantial than say, facebook?) would attract SX's. Particularly SX/SPs who crave intimacy but also get prickly about their space (or *cough cough* INFPS? )
    That's what I wondered about. Since it's commonly summed up sx=passion/connection etc.

    The fact that I joined TypeC made me consider the possibility of me being an SX-dom and a "feeler". (Which should make EVERYONE here SX feelers. (That is, feeling SeXy...sorry couldn't resist. nyah.)

    I'd say I joined because I stumbled upon MBTI to use for career guidance, and lo and behold, a group of people where EVERYONE was interested in the crap. I liked all the activity and randomness and like to use this forum to figure my own self out. So far, at least now I have a semi-valid quasi-psychological excuse to HATE accounting.
    3w4-9w1-?w6 (nearly headless nick)
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    COCKBURN:

    http://sundrytimes.files.wordpress.c...tomic-bomb.jpg


  6. #36
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    I joined because ... wait, I don't remember ... but I have always been part of an internet forum. That sounds kind of sad, but no I sort of 'grew up' with writers over the internet and always loved being a part of a 'group'. I was able to be close to people in a purely intellectual/creative way without all the social norms and drama sort of mess. I really enjoy and need to be part of a group who shares one interest in common. At first, I was just going to peek in now and then and read some theory stuff. But...here I am getting to know people and liking it. There has always been a conflict of wanting to reach out and to understand and share and be part of something and the withdrawing within myself to protect and defend and be safe and a loner. And being proud of being a loner because that means I am very independent and self-sufficient and don't need emotional support from anyone. I don't trust people to always be there for me so I like to feel that I can handle whatever issues I have. I love people as a 'collective' but I don't often like people individually. I have a love for humanity, but each person makes me sort of grimace. I have deep, intense connections with my friends, of course, but they are few. I can't open myself to too many people because then, I feel 'stretched'. I need to feel safe in order to 'share'.

  7. #37
    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    With So people, I typically feel like I keep getting disarmed. Or they blow the whistle on me. Like socialization is this game of Simon Says or Stoplight, and they're the referees. I see the things I want out of people, try to get them but if I don't jump through the hoops properly I get rebuffed. And then when we get what we want, there's some kind of implied exit strategy! "Well you got this far, now here are the rules now that you're in the club." It's a bit different with Sps, as they seem equally as closed off to me, but it's more like banging on the turtle shell and them just not wanting to come out.

    Just how it seems to me. I'm sure you guys find us to be people users. Like we get our fix and bolt.
    And with you SX's, it's like getting zoomed in on like I'm prey deer every time I look their way & say "hey! how you doing?"
    3w4-9w1-?w6 (nearly headless nick)
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    http://sundrytimes.files.wordpress.c...tomic-bomb.jpg


  8. #38
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    And with you SX's, it's like getting zoomed in on like I'm prey deer every time I look their way & say "hey! how you doing?"
    Don't squirm too much. *puts on rubber glove* This will all be over soon.



  9. #39
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Yay So-ers!

    I'm a 4w5 so/sp which is a little strange and contradictory. It does explain some things though...
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  10. #40
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Why did you do that PeaceBaby? Now I am $8 poorer.

    LOL.

    Uh-oh, here are my results and it changes my membership slightly...

    Sexual 57

    Social 55

    Self Preservation 38

    Which nudges me into Sx/So territory.

    It's as I thought...I think for all intensive practical purposes I am So/Sx though, because my So 'wing' is way too strong and too much of a mitigating influence on Sx for being 'Sx dom' to be anything meaningful.

    Honestly...I always thought I was an SX dom, it seemed obvious for me. My desire to merge with individuals is extremely strong and has been a driving influence in my life, even as a pre-teen.

    On the questionnaire, Sx nosed out So by just 2 points (or 1 question?) - the crucial deciding factor was the question "when you enter a room, what do you immediately do" - and for me it is to zero in on 1 or 2 people - expectations, networking possibilities be damned - that intrigue me and get alllll up in their grill. L.O.L. That is my SX...soul motivation? Otherwise I'm a natural networker. Likewise in relationships I am very So dom and have many acquaintances and casual friendships, I also try to cultivate friendly relations with the people who work at my gym, in my building, at work with the IT and office and 'support' folks etc. But, sometimes I see people that intrigue me and I zero in on them with that internal laser intensity and it's not that I want to sleep with them or even date them, but my desire is very basic almost primal and is "Me likey" or "I want".

    Otherwise SO is how I operate, because unlike other strong or clear Sx doms, I cannot easily forget or thumb my nose at social expectations, etiquette, power dynamics, group harmony, etc. Group dynamics and harmony, social standing, reputation, etc. those things are important not because I am a snob and give them importance but rather because those things make up our world on a basic everyday level and I am always conscious of that. It is against my nature to not be conscious of those things and at least consider those things in my decision making. Believe me, sometimes I badly wish I was not aware and that I did not care, but I do. It's who I am. And I consciously scale back my intensity to make it less startling for people I direct it at, my intense focus in others is orchestrated in a way that is more strategic and conscious than instinctual...(I think I understand where Satine is coming from, though I do not necessarily operate in the same way)

    I think that ^^ constant awareness is the SO...heartbeat...backbone...signaure? I'm really bad with analogies tonight...

    I remember I was a bit miffed when Black Cat said he saw me as an So dom! LOL. Because, again, that strong almost primal need to connect with others, intensely, totally, to the point the boundaries of egos start to blur (I know, this probably sounds crazy and even unhealthy to some people) it's such a core part of me that has driven me throughout my life. I thought, what am I not "intense" enough for you? Am I not "deep" enough to hang with the Sx's??? :P Nah, but I can see why people might not read me as an Sx dom, because I don't go in like a cauterizing laser or a sledge hammer in my normal MO. My SO variant is way too strong and pulls me back, I generally consciously try to lighten the intense nature of Sx in me, because I am aware of how intrusive that intensity can be and how 'inappropriate', I have also been burned enough times to adjust my approach. I am always very aware of how I am coming off to others...at least when I am consciously trying to get to know someone.

    So yeah, upon reading more about what the instincts are and now having taken this questionnaire, I get why Black Cat and others would see me as a So dom..

    I am an So-Sx close tie because I have an intense desire and need to connect and 'know' and also be known by people, in the individual and general sense. The ubiquituous 'they' as well the intimate and special 'him/her/etc.'

    Can I just call myself a SO-SX tie? x2
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

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