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View Poll Results: Your enneagram instinctual stacking:

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  • Sp/So

    30 32.26%
  • Sp/Sx

    34 36.56%
  • Sp/??

    6 6.45%
  • So/Sp

    2 2.15%
  • Sx/Sp

    14 15.05%
  • Screw you Sp's!

    6 6.45%
  • Sp/INA

    1 1.08%
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Results 21 to 30 of 124

  1. #21
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Donna Cecilia View Post
    Sp/Sx Type 1w9 here.

    It affects my type since I focus my perfectionism on my loved ones. "I criticize you, I love you." But it is constructive criticism.

    If there are any other ways, I´ll post when I can find a reasonable explanation to them.

    Hang-ups?

    What I said above, the hardest part of close relationships is making the other part accept my criticism. Another thing, is when my Sx takes over and releases all my repressed anger, I can be harsh on my loved ones, unintentionally. Because I´m awful at taking into account other people´s feelings, I have no idea of the impact that my intensity can have on them. Still, people who knows me well enough can understand and accept this.
    That sounds kind of hard to deal with...is this criticism unsolicited? It would be very hard for me to accept that in a relationship, however well-intentioned.
    Something Witty

  2. #22
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Outsider View Post
    Hey.
    Hey!

    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    On the other hand, I've been frustrated sometimes trying to date fellow NTs because I want to know more about them as people and I need them to let down their guards so we can connect. I can discuss ideas and abstract concepts with you all day long, but we're not getting anywhere, relationship-wise, unless I feel like I can be completely open with you, and you with me. I fight that sp thing in a relationship. I want the openness, and I'm also kind of terrified of it.
    Get that.

    I was going over the people in this thread who were Sp doms earlier and noting that it's often people who I can like just as much as anyone but feel they are unreachable in a way, that leaves me not too sure of where I stand so I give them mucho space, for that reason I don't think a relationship with another Sp dom would be easy. It may be about being a Sp dom, or it may be those who have Sx as the last preference, I'm not sure.

    Theoretically a NT Sx dom would work but a NT Sp dom would likely result in a relationship with great potential for depth but trouble breaking through to it.

  3. #23

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    Space is always an issue. I like this thing on Nine:Self-pres/Sexual. I was kind of sad there were no other nine sp/sx. Not so much now, at least there are other sp/sx I can forge relationships with while preserving my independence now.

    Nine:Self-pres/Sexual.

    This subtype is self-effacing also, but is generally more assertive. They may be the subtype of Nine which is most aware of the boundaries between themselves and others and at the same time, possibly the most frustrated when those boundaries are violated. They can be aware of being walked over and they might even be aware of the anger it causes, but they become frustrated with their seeming inability to control this pattern. This is true, to some degree, of all Nines, but with the self-pres/sexual instinctual stacking, there seems to be a complex and interesting balance between the withdrawing energy caused by the dominant self-pres instinct and the assertive energy of the sexual instinct. This combination seems to raise consciousness of this dynamic.

    Getting healthy for this subtype, and for all Nines, involves becoming aware of this dynamic and realizing they do have the power to control their boundaries. Part of this must come from the realization on the part of the Nine that they have invited this overstepping of their boundaries from others by not defining them.
    Close relationships will usually work or not for this subtype depending on how well they deal with this issue.

  4. #24
    Senior Member Snoopy22's Avatar
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    sp/so/sx and a 9, do not remember my wing, don’t really care, I’d rather not spend time analyzing myself when it’s more fun analyzing other people.

  5. #25
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    ENFP 6w7 sp/so

    Physical health and safety are by far the most important things to me. But to be fair, I used to be a hypochondriac.
    ENFP 6w7 sp/sx

  6. #26
    L'anima non dimora Donna Cecilia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    That sounds kind of hard to deal with...is this criticism unsolicited? It would be very hard for me to accept that in a relationship, however well-intentioned.
    The line you turned bold is a strong quote, I know.

    As I lived, I´ve learned to use the proper words, to make it polite and encouraging at the same time.

    But, looking at your signature, you don´t seem to disagree with mean behaviour.

    "An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise."
    Victor Hugo



    LII/INTj (Analyst) - 1w9 Sp/Sx - RC|O|EI - Melancholy/Choleric

  7. #27
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Donna Cecilia View Post
    The line you turned bold is a strong quote, I know.

    As I lived, I´ve learned to use the proper words, to make it polite and encouraging at the same time.

    But, looking at your signature, you don´t seem to disagree with mean behaviour.
    Heh heh.

    I'm not picking on you, but I am genuinely curious about what you're saying here. Are you expecting people to accept unsolicited (constructive) criticism on a regular basis because you feel like it's just part of the package with you? Or is it something that you're working on, but know that there will always be that little bit that wants to keep nudging people?
    Something Witty

  8. #28
    L'anima non dimora Donna Cecilia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    Are you expecting people to accept unsolicited (constructive) criticism on a regular basis because you feel like it's just part of the package with you?
    To be honest, yes. It´s something that makes me be who I am, and I work hard to make people accept it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    Or is it something that you're working on, but know that there will always be that little bit that wants to keep nudging people?
    I can´t avoid being a critic, of everything (myself included, and first of all). I find faults without effort. But, I have worked on it all this time to make it sound encouraging, rather than criticizing: I tell them how to improve something that is already fine with them (which is false for the most part), rather than how to fix a faulty aspect of themselves (the hurtful truth).

    By the way, I never thought that you were picking on me, I act defensively by nature. Also without noticing it myself.

    "An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise."
    Victor Hugo



    LII/INTj (Analyst) - 1w9 Sp/Sx - RC|O|EI - Melancholy/Choleric

  9. #29
    Senior Member Uytuun's Avatar
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    5w4 sp/so...I don't think I'm sx second and I'm definitely sp first.

  10. #30
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Donna Cecilia View Post
    I can´t avoid being a critic, of everything (myself included, and first of all). I find faults without effort. But, I have worked on it all this time to make it sound encouraging, rather than criticizing: I tell them how to improve something that is already fine with them (which is false for the most part), rather than how to fix a faulty aspect of themselves (the hurtful truth).
    I understand this well, DC, and do the same thing myself. You are correct in that the key is to deliver the criticism in a way that is kind and encouraging, rather than mean and belittling. It is also important to make sure the criticism is, indeed, constructive -- meaning that it is information the person can use to their direct benefit, if they so choose.

    I try to focus my criticism on someone's actions/words rather than on themselves as a person. My intention is to make it more objective and less personal, and therefore (hopefully) less likely to come across as an insult. When possible, I express it as a suggestion, or even a question, e.g. "You seem to be having some trouble there. Have you tried/considered doing it this way?" Of course, criticism is a bit like advice: unless it comes from a boss or a parent, one is generally free to ignore it.

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