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  1. #131
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    ^Disagree. Unless it's found in association with the DICK type.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  2. #132
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Some of us just drink animal blood, to avoid taking human life.
    (But it doesn't taste as good...)
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  3. #133
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    There's nothing intrinsically sinister about sx-dominance. It's just sp paranoia that is interpreting it in that way. I associate my selfish tendencies more with my sp side, actually. If it wasn't for my sxyness, I wouldn't reach out to other people at all.

    Pitfalls are more likely to be these:
    Sx/Sp - Likely to neglect their desire to maintain physical safety, comfort, and an orderly lifestyle for the sake of their primary concern of seeking intense connections and experiences. May not have an awareness of the need to connect in a broader sense with the world, of a sense of security or in groups or of the need to seek it, or even of the need to foster approval, support, and understanding of themselves within groups they are connected with, often causing misunderstandings with allies, supporters, friends, and family members.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  4. #134
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    sx/sp here



    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    As an sp/so/sx, I think I have instinctively been very wary and mistrustful of sx doms most of my life.
    Why?

    Especially sx/sp, because they don't do the social dance of getting to know you casually first, and don't really care about social conventions.
    Is this a bad thing ?

    But if someone digs into my actual life, asking lots of personal questions and trying to dig into my feelings, a big wall goes up. I'm not sharing that stuff with folks who aren't my actual friends, or who aren't sticking around.

    What is more important in your opinion: that somebody 'sticks around', or that they can be trusted (to not divulge whatever information you shared, etc)?


    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    I have to echo Aphrodite's sentiment of being wary of SX's, particularly after reading more here on SX/SP's.
    I thought being SX would create more empathy or sympathy for others and understanding about the universal human need for connection and the concept of trust but in the way it has been described (at least partly) in the SX (SX/SP ?) orientation sounds like it can be frankly vampiric.
    Could you please point to examples that have caused you to increase your 'wariness' of sx/sp types posted on this thread? Please be specific.

    I know that even as some kind of SX/SO combo myself I crave intimacy but I have been extremely taken aback in the past by people who seem not to care about personal boundaries or who push regardless of my obvious discomfort or reticence. The sense I got was that these people would violate my boundaries or trust but not necessarily in a malicious way, more that they are completely unaware and therefore do not care about how I feel about the matter. They are driven purely by personal curiousity.
    (Not adressing your post in particular) I don't think that publicly berating an entire enneagram instinctual stacking, unloading past frustration over relationship screw-ups is the way to go (and not even knowing if these people belonged to said stacking, not to mention too many other factors), because in the same way somebody could say, for example, that all sx-lasters are shallow as hell. Will it be true for all the cases?

  5. #135
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lavos View Post
    Why?
    Well, partly because, as an sp/so/sx, intense emotional connections are difficult for me and not something I forge with just anyone. Certainly not someone who is bored at a party and wants to go poking around in my psyche or my emotions. I'm not going to make the effort if I don't know the person is sincerely befriending me. Unless I'm just in a weird confessional mood, or unless it's a total stranger I know I'll never run into again. That happens sometimes, too. But those are rare exceptions.

    Like I said, poke around in my head all you want. But stay out of my personal life.

    Is this a bad thing ?
    It is for me. It just irks me and makes me throw up walls. It makes me feel like, "who the hell are you?" Again, there can be exceptions.


    What is more important in your opinion: that somebody 'sticks around', or that they can be trusted (to not divulge whatever information you shared, etc)?
    Both are equally important if I'm going to share pieces of myself that most people don't see. Being trusted gets the edge, but I also need to know that they're not just entertaining themselves and running. I would feel a bit used.
    Something Witty

  6. #136
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    I think the reason the conversation is getting touchy is because we don't wear "variant titles" on our forehead or use them to introduce ourselves to others, yet now people are making lots of judgments based on variants (well, just the SX variant here... I haven't bothered to scour the other two threads to see if people are raising as much stink there about SO & SP types).

    How often do we hear, "Hi, I'm Caliope, I'm SX/sp, would you share with me your deepest most painful personal memory so I can mull over it deeply at night and savor it while never speaking to you again, leaving you feeling ashamed and violated? Great, thanks!"

    I mean, the thing is that you meet someone and you don't KNOW their variant, you just decide in the moment whether they feel trustworthy or not to you... and if they don't, you don't share, and if they're socially conscious, they don't push... and if they do push and you're uncomfortable, then you put up a wall or get away from them.

    It's all very straightforward and has nothing to do with knowing for sure anyone's variant reading whatsoever!

    I mean, we're talking about people who would treat others as commodities, which occurs no matter WHAT variant we're discussing. You probably have talked to numerous SX people already (since there are only three basic variants) and thought nothing of us... because despite being SX variant, we actually know how to behave like human beings in terms of monitoring our interactions with others, like any other variant. The deficiency is in the individual, not the type.

    SO people are capable of exploiting others for social gain and prestige and networking prowess -- I bet we all have had people network with us, and some of them leave a bad taste in our mouths and some we actually feel positive toward even if we know part of the reason they're interacting with us is to network.

    Same thing with SP people.

    SX people might be driven by curiousity or "connection through knowledge" or some other variation of that, but it doesn't mean we don't give a damn about the people we're talking to or that the totality of all we are is cosmic vampires, voyeurs, or whatever else. We interact with people as individuals, not as variants. It seems like people only get labeled as their variant (and we bother to care) if they happen to do something wrong.

    As far as the rest goes, frankly, small talk always seemed shallow to me. it was all fluff and air, making "fake relationships." I felt like people who said hi to me didn't really give a damn about me, they were just playing along with the social conventions. Or that they didn't have a worthwhile thought in their head worth sharing since all they could discuss was surface details. It took me years to learn how to small talk and actually see value in it, to the point in enjoying it -- it's another way to make a connection with someone who you don't know well, nor can know well in the situation you're in... where deeper conversation is inappropriate or too much.

    I want to really know what makes someone tick, but I try very hard to be non-intrusive and non-clingy, and I also usually share deep things about myself first and give other people an option to respond or not... and if they don't, I don't pry. But I take the first risk; I habitually bare myself first, before asking anyone else to. SX has its place and can lead to people being able to talk about things that mean a lot to them or that they might not get to voice much of them time, so that they might feel known.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  7. #137
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Well said, Jennifer. It's true; we just react to the individual and their manner. And I should maybe point out that Jennifer is a perfect example of an sx dominant that I have no problems at all sharing things with. I know I can trust her, and I know she cares about people. All my interactions with her and observations of her confirm my initial gut reaction to her when I first came here. So, no, SXs are not the devil, but a bit of social finesse and showing others you are sensitive to their own boundaries does help. :-P

    As an SP, what I have to watch is offending people by not feeling the need to engage them in the first place. It took me a zillion years to realize why others might be hurt by my not responding affirmatively to their invitations or hanging out by the water cooler or whatever. In my head, I was just conserving energy and feeling like if I didn't see anything in common with them, they probably realized it too, with no harm done. So that's something I had to work on consciously.
    Something Witty

  8. #138
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Heh, emotional vampire... more than I like to be, but less than I have been. I have often hid my SX be hind SP due to many of the results. It's not easy wanting to consume and be consumed while needing quiet time, being somewhat distant publicly, and needing to feel safe. I do try, though; work on the balance points, give and take, offer my loyalty (as much as people constantly spit on it :steam. And as much as I want a safe place, I want to be one as well. Perhaps I'm just silly and naive...
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

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  9. #139
    Senior Member Uytuun's Avatar
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    Emotional vampirism...how would you say it works?

    Doesn't sound silly to me, kitteh.

  10. #140
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uytuun View Post
    Emotional vampirism...how would you say it works?

    Doesn't sound silly to me, kitteh.
    The kind that I tend to end up with is when I end up picking up the mood of the person nearest me or most diretly interacting with. Other times I'll take on the mood of what ever group I'm in, which can be very overwhelming. One example where I'd be concously using it for my benefit would be going to the bar when I'm meh in order to soak up the silliness from the people around me. As long as I only interact with the bartender or a few random people for short periods of time, I'm good. Too much, too close in, though just drives me crazy.

    Latching on, and sucking a person dry, which I think is what the others are talking about, I try to avoid doing that; but even running at medium or a little lower I still have some people feeling I'm a little too intense which may end up being rather draining for them. It's tough, but what other way can I use to determine which way I deal with them...
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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