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  1. #111
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    if I could explain it to you with words, I would.

    ---

    Did you do the test Jock?
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
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    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  2. #112
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    If I was that close to someone and they stopped speaking to me for no apparent reason (going to separate schools would not be a good reason), I probably wouldn't handle it very well.

  3. #113
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    I didn't! But I retook the similarminds one just to double check and it was sx/sp with a nonexistant so, heh.



  4. #114
    A window to the soul
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    1.)INFP does not equal fragility - all types could experience this pain given the situation. This is just reflecting the ol' emo stereotype INFP's get slapped with around here.
    ^ You are right!

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Both INF's can present as reclusive, depending on personality. But INFP seems to be more flexy and able to adjust to unplanned changes in the relationship "if they make sense." That's been my experience. INP's flex to environment changes.

    My impression with INFJ is that undiscussed changes in the relationship like that (e.g., you just stop talking to him) could easily be seen as a personal betrayal and INJ's are not nearly as good at flexing in situations like that.
    ^ I approve of this message. I have three sisters. 2-of my sisters tested as INFJ. The third one I suspect is ISFJ. The ability for me to be flexy and able to adjust to unplanned changes, is a style that all three of them don't seem to posses. They seem to interpret my suddenly "stop talking to them" and being reclusive as betreyal. I love them, so I try my best to work with them to avoid problems. The bad thing is that when they feel upset or betrayed, they don't always tell me and then it comes to bite me later. I've told them to please tell me if I do something that bothers them. For the most part we all get along well. Indeed, I'm the one flexing and giving the most to keep the peace.

  5. #115
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post

    1.) INFP does not equal fragility - all types could experience this pain given the situation. This is just reflecting the ol' emo stereotype INFP's get slapped with around here.

    2.) And you're laughing about that, even though I know you don't mean it to be nasty ... sigh, it's so sad.
    I wouldn't expect an Fi dom to see it any other way. And I laughed at myself first--at the INFJ stereotype, which really is funny, I think. And true to a very large degree. What's wrong with laughing at our perceived weaknesses? I am glad I can feel so strongly. Aren't you?
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  6. #116
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MacGuffin View Post
    If I was that close to someone and they stopped speaking to me for no apparent reason (going to separate schools would not be a good reason), I probably wouldn't handle it very well.
    I think individuals for various reasons might fluctuate from that pattern, but what INPs do (typically) is Ne through all the reasons something might have happened and, even if they're badly hurt, typically flex if they see any reasons why things might have changed or why the person might be acting that way. Even if it's not what they wanted. Until the person's motivations are confirmed, there's ambiguity there, at the very least.

    If we want to drift into ISFJs, it can be even more intense of a betrayal feeling than INFJs.... the Fe factor usually means they feel confined to how they can express the hurt but inside things can be in great turmoil, hurt, and anger driven by the hurt, all because there was a set view of "what was supposed to happen" and "how someone should have behaved" according to the rules and it didn't happen. INPs are much more likely to flex, too, after a discussion with the person in question, where IFJ's seem far more able to hold their original mindset even if outwardly they might be presenting a civil front.

    Quote Originally Posted by aphrodite-gone-awry View Post
    I wouldn't expect an Fi dom to see it any other way. And I laughed at myself first--at the INFJ stereotype, which really is funny, I think. And true to a very large degree. What's wrong with laughing at our perceived weaknesses?
    What, that you thought the INFP "emo" cliche was relevant in this particular situation?

    Responses are all sort of playing out according to type, though, which is interesting...
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  7. #117
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    I don't really think I have the capability to understand that kind of dependency.
    How is it dependency?

    It sounds to me like it was more of a grief response. You don't have to be dependent on someone to value them and mourn the loss of the relationship. Many people would mourn the loss of a material object they greatly valued (without dependence on it), and how much more irreplaceable & valuable are human beings....

    I also think that emotional attachment to other people takes great strength & courage because of the vulnerability involved. People who are mostly detached seem cowardly to me, not to mention, rather one-dimensional.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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  8. #118
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    How is it dependency?

    It sounds to me like it was more of a grief response. You don't have to be dependent on someone to value them and mourn the loss of the relationship. Many people would mourn the loss of a material object they greatly valued (without dependence on it), and how much more irreplaceable & valuable are human beings....

    I also think that emotional attachment to other people takes great strength & courage because of the vulnerability involved. People who are mostly detached seem cowardly to me, not to mention, rather one-dimensional.
    To be shaken to the point that one cites it as cause for depression, looks like dependency to me. What else could it be? It's not inherently a bad thing, but it leads to difficulty if something gets taken away from you. It's a mindset I can't understand. To clarify, I don't think I was the sole reason for his depression and difficult time, I just don't think it helped. I'm not that narcissistic.



  9. #119
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    If we want to drift into ISFJs, it can be even more intense of a betrayal feeling than INFJs....
    ^ Sounds pretty accurate.

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I also think that emotional attachment to other people takes great strength & courage because of the vulnerability involved.
    ^ So true.

  10. #120
    Senior Member Uytuun's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    I think it's rather like creating a model of the other person inside of you -- you know how they think and how they would respond and "who they are" -- and so even if you are not around each other, it's not like they're really gone per se.
    That's what I do. They're not even gone when they die.

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