i find myself very concerned with the opinions and feelings of my close friends and family members...sometimes to the degree that even if on my own i feel strongly that i want to do something, if i hear a negative response from a loved one, i will seriously consider not doing it or actually end up not doing it at all.sx/sp
This is perhaps the most internally conflicted of the stackings, and potentially the most inconsistent in behavior. This may occur as a blockage of the sexual instinct which can be redirected as a more generally brooding and troubled personality. They may isolate themselves for long periods of time before reemerging. They live according to a strictly personal outlook and are not particularly concerned with the approval of others outside of their immediate concern. They seem to be searching for something, the missing piece. If they find a soulmate they will unite without fanfare, forming a secret bond, dealing with formalities as an afterthought. Powerful sexual impulses facing inner resistance may manifest symbolically in the psyche, giving way to soulful interpretations of the unconscious. Under periods of stress severe sexual tensions may manifest as erratic, impulsively destructive behavior. Can seem restless, torn between the comforts of a stable home life and the urge to wander. May be prone to self-medicating.
Motivation: to know the heart, reconcile inner conflict, form a secure union.
Familiar roles: the devotee, the seeker, the wanderer.
this pattern has been a source of strong confusion for me. i'm used to the sp instinct telling me simply to follow my own inclinations ...however, the sense of connection i feel to a few people as an intimate subtype is almost like being bonded in some basic way, like sharing the same blood or feeling along the same wavelength. in a way the self-pres. feels like it's more rooted in raw impulse/instinct and the sx comes from an empathic, emotional place...and my intellect is caught trying to reconcile the two.
lighter social interaction is a source of both amusement for the sp side and discomfort for the sx side... on the one hand, it can be great to be part of a social group without too much "heavy" stuff, but then again it feels almost boring or meaningless at times without anything of "substance" tying people together.
it can be taxing to almost never feel fully confident in any decisions made, beyond the mundane (i have no problem choosing what i'd like to wear or eat, but anything more complex regarding social realms and it gets gray).
don't get me wrong, i feel very lucky to gain insights of many types from this jumbled, two-sided orientation, but in my emotional center i do feel as if i am constantly reconciling something... maybe everyone has that feeling sometimes & i'm just over-reacting? - i used to be satisfied with that until i started reading about these instinctual stackings!
i think i usually do a good job balancing the need for intimacy with the need for doing my own thing in terms of actions, it's just that the internal aspect of things always feels a little muddled; uncertain.
i often wonder if this kind of thing's just to be expected at my age, or if it's something more individualized that i'll just need to get used to...
curious about what other sx/sp (or sp/sx) subtypes' experiences or thoughts may be. i'd like to hear more from real people's experiences and less theoretical jargon, perhaps.