Multiple Enneagram Subtypes/Instincts Hard time with distinguishing sx/so and so/sx

[BlackCat]

Does anyone else have this problem? How do you get over it?

The only way that I can really tell is that I just *know* if someone is social first; but sx/so is fuzzy. What are some distinguishers?

 

[Bubbles]

Oh, you made it a thread!

I always have this problem. Sx/so's have that same attracting presence I expect so/sx's to have, except one on one they get so intimate that I'm stunned for a moment because I don't think I'm that close to them at all. Can't really explain it.

 

[Lethe]

I think being a so/sx variant myself, I have a 'different' radar for sx/so's where I can distinguish them pretty easily. Like Bubbles, I agree that their intensity range gives them away. I'm much more light-hearted, adaptive (with social first & sp last), and slower to engage on a very personal level in comparison. We love creating that good camaraderie, but the sx/so seems to take it further by speaking from an intimate, couple-like perspective with a natural ease. I also think they are a little more selective in who they choose to create those bonds with, and will often times speak much about their immediate circle.

For a....

So/Sx: It's all about the world/community, and sometimes where you or we stand.
Sx/So: It's all about You and Us! And sometimes the world, depending on their mood.

*Take this post with a grain of salt.

 

[souffle]

Thanks for starting this thread! This will be very helpful.

 

[Amargith]

As an sx-so myself, I'd have to agree with Lethe.

I do care about the world, but I care even more about those close to me, especially those I have a deep connection with.

 

[Thalassa]

People who lead sx (I'm one of them) are much more intense, and I would maybe even say a little more about making our presence felt than simply engaging with the world.

 

[Amargith]

*ponders*

I'd say so's come of as smooth, often cultured and elegant...distinguished even. And they genuinly vibe that out, like a warm sofistication.

I recognize other sx's coz they often feel almost primal, electric and a bit animalistic at times, intense, instinctual almost. Though it can be hard to spot on the surface as it's not always beneficial to show that through and we are all taught how to behave in society. But you catch glimpses of that heat and intensity now and again. Almost predatory. It's strongest and most easily recognised in sx-sp's, but you'll find the sx-so just cover it up a little more, I think. That intensity is still there though, if you look passed the veneer.

I'm guessing that so-sx's only show that intense side with their partner, I think, or are way more limited in it. That intense side is but a small part of their social behavior. Whereas for the sx-so the social behavior is the veneer in which to coat their interactions to keep from looking overbearing and overwhelming.

(seriously just brainstorming here now, could be completely off )

 

[Poki]

I would say I am So/Sx. After reading Sp I dont really care about these things in me.

I would say So/Sx because chemistry takes a backseat to how we interact. I am pretty introverted and dont need a huge group, but I do seem to be unhappy when I am socially lost with people around me though most would never see this and confuse it with introversion.

in regards to Sp. Talk to my chiro and he would laugh at this about me and tries to figure out how I walk through the door because of what I do to my body. Its like I get a new back after every visit, now if I could just put in the time to get in their more often...maybe if I can get So and Sx under control I can focus on Sp Eh...my extent of Sp is pretty much I want good food on my plate(luckily im not to picky).

People who have this as their dominant instinct are preoccupied with the safety, comfort, health, energy, and well-being of the physical body.

 

[ayoitsStepho]

*takes notes*
I've always wanted a bit more info on so/sx, so this is quite interesting.

 

[Poki]

so buffers our sx big time. so will not let us do anything with sx that puts us in a place where our so will suffer.

With me introversion buffers so though because we dont need that huge social connection. Its a connection we only need with a select few. What comes first and foremost is our relationship health. Doing what it takes to maintain that relationship health, providing that comfort in our relationship. The health of so is driven towards our secondary instinct. They play off of each other. So for me the so in regards to relationships is making sure that our functional relationship allows sx as its what we need secondary. To put into place a structure to allow that deep connection and do what it takes to keep that structure in place regardless of anything that goes against sp. We push sp to the back burner. When things start to crumble our initial instinct is to make "us" better in regards to function and our interactions on a social level.

I would rather lose a connection but still have that ability present to recreate it if ever need be. This tends to allow me to let people go if thats what it requires to maintain that social relationship. All in all our sp suffers unless so and sx dont have to kick into survival mode.

atleast thats my take on it. so/sp are a different animal and i think sp has the same affect on the person as it does in sx/sp.

 

[Poki]

I guess what drives this is that I dont want to ever do anything that would create a circumstance to not rebuild that connection even if it means giving it up in some way or another for the time being.

 

[Edasich]

I also think they are a little more selective in who they choose to create those bonds with, and will often times speak much about their immediate circle.

For a....

So/Sx: It's all about the world/community, and sometimes where you or we stand.
Sx/So: It's all about You and Us! And sometimes the world, depending on their mood.

I think you summed it up pretty well

I noticed in myself, I have a hard time making much effort with a person unless they intrigue me, and if they do intrigue me then i can become pretty full on to the point that i worry that i may appear like a creep to that person (i.e too obsessive).

 

[Poki]

I think you summed it up pretty well

I noticed in myself, I have a hard time making much effort with a person unless they intrigue me, and if they do intrigue me then i can become pretty full on to the point that i worry that i may appear like a creep to that person (i.e too obsessive).

Yes with E types the world is bigger, with I types our world is smaller and our so makes us feel obsessive when we do get intrigued and want a connection.

Its driven by the whole "sexual harrasment" issue type of thing. When someone hits on you that you think is ugly its harrasment and creepy, but if they look good then its not. I mean how do you know if you are creepy or its accepted? We dont obsess over a connection, but its still very important to us. If someone you like compliments you then its accepted, if you dont like them they are just creepy. Why not create that open relationship see how it works out and slowly push it further and further.

 

[TheEmeraldCanopy]

I think this site is a great resource on the differences.

Enneagram Central

 

[Poki]

I think this site is a great resource on the differences.

Enneagram Central

Off topic, but I was reading that site and I fit the nine examples and is one reason I frustrate so many types I consider J. Clinton is a type 9

Many really fine athletes are Nines (Joe Montana comes to mind) and their talent lies in just submitting to the flow of the game and mastering it, using their skills at merging to become totally absorbed.

Dole had a hard time attacking Clinton because Clinton was all over the lot. He had so many ideas, so many positions that Dole could shoot down one or some, but Clinton had no priorities, so Dole couldn't focus his Eightish wrath on any important one. Dole had a few broad planks (which he defended with fierce Eightness). Clinton had 300 skinny ones

 

[proteanmix]

*ponders*

I'd say so's come of as smooth, often cultured and elegant...distinguished even. And they genuinly vibe that out, like a warm sofistication.

I recognize other sx's coz they often feel almost primal, electric and a bit animalistic at times, intense, instinctual almost. Though it can be hard to spot on the surface as it's not always beneficial to show that through and we are all taught how to behave in society. But you catch glimpses of that heat and intensity now and again. Almost predatory. It's strongest and most easily recognised in sx-sp's, but you'll find the sx-so just cover it up a little more, I think. That intensity is still there though, if you look passed the veneer.

I'm guessing that so-sx's only show that intense side with their partner, I think, or are way more limited in it. That intense side is but a small part of their social behavior. Whereas for the sx-so the social behavior is the veneer in which to coat their interactions to keep from looking overbearing and overwhelming.

(seriously just brainstorming here now, could be completely off )

I don't know much about enneagram, but from what I do know this sounds about right. I'm an so/sx. What I am coming to believe is I identify more with being a 1w2 than my MBTI type.

I guess I'm a little tapped on intensity this week. I suppose when I think of it, it is limited and finite. I tend to think of my emotions as foods, and in this case they're pies and cakes. My emotions that lie closer to my heart are pieces of pie. There's only so many pieces available and once it's gone, not that it's gone forever, but I have to bake a new pie from scratch. It's labor/emotionally intensive to start over. So I tend to be vigilant about who gets slices and bake cakes for and with people who understand and appreciate the significance of what I'm doing.

But being primarily social, I do actually have a sheet cake available and enough slices for everyone. It's just coming from a different reserve which is easily replenished. These cakes are pre-mixed and easier to produce. Some people may think these cakes aren't as special as the one baked from scratch, but that's not true.

OK, so if I'm a bakery I'll put all the desserts out for people to choose from, but good luck getting in the kitchen and finding out my recipes. Eh, I done with metaphors for right now.

 

[Poki]

I don't know much about enneagram, but from what I do know this sounds about right. I'm an so/sx. What I am coming to believe is I identify more with being a 1w2 than my MBTI type.

I guess I'm a little tapped on intensity this week. I suppose when I think of it, it is limited and finite. I tend to think of my emotions as foods, and in this case they're pies and cakes. My emotions that lie closer to my heart are pieces of pie. There's only so many pieces available and once it's gone, not that it's gone forever, but I have to bake a new pie from scratch. It's labor/emotionally intensive to start over. So I tend to be vigilant about who gets slices and bake cakes for and with people who understand and appreciate the significance of what I'm doing.

But being primarily social, I do actually have a sheet cake available and enough slices for everyone. It's just coming from a different reserve which is easily replenished. These cakes are pre-mixed and easier to produce. Some people may think these cakes aren't as special as the one baked from scratch, but that's not true.

OK, so if I'm a bakery I'll put all the desserts out for people to choose from, but good luck getting in the kitchen and finding out my recipes. Eh, I done with metaphors for right now.

So how did you determine between sp and sx for your secondary?

I read the nine sp and I know for a fact that I dont relate to that at all. so and sx was a big toss up for me, but I feel so seems to be my more primary focus and while I want sx I can not drop those in my world because of it. I will default to making sure everyone is ok, starting with the one who is hit the hardest. This is actually one of the things that trips me up in marriage.

 

[proteanmix]

So how did you determine between sp and sx for your secondary?

I read the nine sp and I know for a fact that I dont relate to that at all. so and sx was a big toss up for me, but I feel so seems to be my more primary focus and while I want sx I can not drop those in my world because of it. I will default to making sure everyone is ok, starting with the one who is hit the hardest.

At this site, these paragraphs:

The Social Stackings

soc/sp
This type is often the most comfortable in group settings, but tends to be a bit formal and awkward in one to one relations. This is the natural political type, affiliating themselves with groups or theories which best defend their social and material interests. They may lack warmth and individual identity and this could lead to problems in forming meaningful relationships outside of a shared social interest. The motivation for this type is to attain status within their chosen sphere - the "social climber."

soc/sx
This type has very strong one to one social skills, but is usually uncomfortable in group settings. They enjoy cultivating multiple relationships, and can be intensely involved when in the presence of someone they are interested in, but have difficulty sustaining these bonds when apart. This may give the impression of being flighty and rootless, willing to adapt and mirror others in order to connect, but lacking a defined approach that would give their relationships a more solid standing. They may have political interests, but are generally more pragmatic and less partisan than the other social variant. They are often attuned to pop culture and the latest trends. This type's motivation is to create lasting connections with those they are interested in - the "best friend."

Definitely the second one and especially the bolded.

But that's really all I looked into it. Do you think I could be so/sp?

Oh and this too:

Social/Sexual

The social/sexual One will have the same concerns as the social/self-pres types, however those concerns center more on individuals. Rules aren’t quite as important. They will zero in on what they want to make better and the intensity of their conviction is more obvious. Along with this, they are more personable, somewhat "lighter" and don’t generally take themselves as seriously. They can have a great sense of humor.

On the down side, their sensitivity can cause them to hold grudges. Because the self-pres instinct is last, this subtype could easily be mistaken for other enneatypes. Along with the sexual/social subtype, they can even be somewhat sloppy. Usually, there is still a sense of organization and a desire to do the job right, but there is much less emphasis on perfectionism in the material, physical environment. Most of their focus is on people and society. With this as their focus, they can be quite persuasive when it comes to their chosen causes. On the down side, when this extra outward energy is taken too far, they can approach the world with the attitude that they need to be right at all costs.

 

[Poki]

At this site, these paragraphs:

The Social Stackings

soc/sp
This type is often the most comfortable in group settings, but tends to be a bit formal and awkward in one to one relations. This is the natural political type, affiliating themselves with groups or theories which best defend their social and material interests. They may lack warmth and individual identity and this could lead to problems in forming meaningful relationships outside of a shared social interest. The motivation for this type is to attain status within their chosen sphere - the "social climber."

soc/sx
This type has very strong one to one social skills, but is usually uncomfortable in group settings. They enjoy cultivating multiple relationships, and can be intensely involved when in the presence of someone they are interested in, but have difficulty sustaining these bonds when apart. This may give the impression of being flighty and rootless, willing to adapt and mirror others in order to connect, but lacking a defined approach that would give their relationships a more solid standing. They may have political interests, but are generally more pragmatic and less partisan than the other social variant. They are often attuned to pop culture and the latest trends. This type's motivation is to create lasting connections with those they are interested in - the "best friend."

Definitely the second one and especially the bolded.

But that's really all I looked into it. Do you think I could be so/sp?

Oh and this too:

Social/Sexual

The social/sexual One will have the same concerns as the social/self-pres types, however those concerns center more on individuals. Rules aren’t quite as important. They will zero in on what they want to make better and the intensity of their conviction is more obvious. Along with this, they are more personable, somewhat "lighter" and don’t generally take themselves as seriously. They can have a great sense of humor.

On the down side, their sensitivity can cause them to hold grudges. Because the self-pres instinct is last, this subtype could easily be mistaken for other enneatypes. Along with the sexual/social subtype, they can even be somewhat sloppy. Usually, there is still a sense of organization and a desire to do the job right, but there is much less emphasis on perfectionism in the material, physical environment. Most of their focus is on people and society. With this as their focus, they can be quite persuasive when it comes to their chosen causes. On the down side, when this extra outward energy is taken too far, they can approach the world with the attitude that they need to be right at all costs.

Thanks, I was just curious. I see so/sp in my wife with those descriptions. The only part I dont agree with is the awkward one-on-one. Especially in regard to "the social climber" vs "the best friend". When her closest friend has problems and vents to her, she calls me and turns to me to help her through it mentally. I see her trying to move to a so/sx, but she is having a hard time letting go of that political side whenever it is present where as my attitude is screw politics, your loss if I dont play along and you drop me because of it. I dont know if a shift is possible or you must just learn how to control your world to keep that sp instinct under control, but I will never rule out that we cant change our instincts.

 

[CzeCze]

Man, this is confusing. I thought I was a sx/so but some chatting with BlackCat made me think I could be so/sx. Since ennegram is what you do as opposed to MBT how you process/perceive I'm trying to think outside in of what I *do*.

And, I still don't really get it.

Maybe I am so/sx because I am very aware of my community and obligations/responsibilities to one another and my standing in the community and where others stand (but this is also something that ENFPs in general are very keen on perceiving and understanding and valuing?).

I do desire intensity but only with a few select people. Otherwise, I can be very paranoid and find others' attempts to find out about me to be extremely intrusive or even suspicious. This has dissipated over the years, but it used to really get on my nerves when I thought people were trying to 'dig' personal opinions and feelings - my protected Fi - for no real reason. Ever notice how some people can seem totally bored and just want to ask you really personal questions when they can't, don't, and won't appreciate anything about what you share with them. It's beyond nosy. I find that really, really abrasive and it used to incite a flight or fight response in me.

But with my *partner*, with my partner I give all and expect total trust and intimacy and that's where I unleash my crazy (intensity).

And as intense as my desire is to be with a person or connect with them, I could never abandon the world and I do not stop noticing the world or wanting to be with the world.

Soooo ^^

Sx/So?

Or So/Sx?

Or splitting hairs?