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View Poll Results: best armor?

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  • nobility armor

    2 25.00%
  • jouster's armor

    0 0%
  • samurai armor

    1 12.50%
  • footsoldier's armor

    2 25.00%
  • savage armor

    1 12.50%
  • other - please specify in comments

    2 25.00%
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Thread: armor for pets

  1. #1
    no clinkz 'til brooklyn Nocapszy's Avatar
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    Default armor for pets

    there are foxes and other predators who frequent my neighborhood. i have done a little bit of research which revealed that in general a fox would prefer not to fight a cat, but if something like that goes down, i'm not looking to have a dead cat on my hands so i am legitimately thinking about getting a set of armor for my cat; basically, i want him to win whatever engagement he gets himself into.

    so at first i thought i want to get something that will keep dexter safe beyond a shadow of doubt.

    started my search here:


    which seemed like like it might do the trick i originally stated, as it is apparently nothing short of a wearable kitty fortress.
    however, it poses a number of problems that i could see up front.
    heavy => cat needs to be agile
    doesn't breathe => breathability is important not only for temperature control, but also for sniffing stuff
    probably hard to see out of => important for the same reason sniffing stuff is
    very ostentatious => i mean it's downright absurd, and a tad traditional for his taste


    so i carried on searching and came across this


    it doesn't solve any of the above problems - it's largely just a weaponized version of the same thing, but it does provide another benefit worth considering.
    i weighed the value of dexter being able to take on larger predators (at range no less) against the above rubric and decided to carry on my search before making any decisions.


    next:


    this doesn't do much about the vulgar display of fashion, but at least it's better suited to his fashion sense. and honestly, let's get real. samurai cat? i take it back. it isn't ostentatious at all.
    however, he's still faced with something that's probably too heavy and even though the weight and visibility might be a little better, they're still not great.
    positive point: looks like it will breathe a bit better.
    cons: something i noticed about this one that i didn't notice about the other one at first is that stupid tail thing. i mean what the heck is that for anyway?
    the tail needs to be loose, if not completely unencumbered, as cats use them for balance and whatnot while running.


    searching on, i saw this charming number


    oh great, another traditional looking piece. well at least it isn't chrome. and this one definitely solves the breathability problem. it's mostly fabric and chain mail, plus it has an open face that he can see and smell out of.
    alas, i am wary the mail might get caught in his fur, twigs, branches, fence posts and such or otherwise ensnare him, leaving him to squirm and struggle to break free or until some unfriendly entity happens upon by and devours him.


    here's the last one i saw:


    this one solves a lot of the issues mentioned above!
    no tail diddly, breathable, open leather, agile, won't get caught on shit, and definitely not ostentatious; just tough as heck.
    the leather also offers a benefit i hadn't considered to this point - it's quiet. you don't have that metal on metal contact noise scaring off his prey (though it might do something about his predators).
    no, the leather is good. i do wish it had a bit more coverage, so when i contact the vendor i'll be asking what my options are there as well as whether it comes with the pictured sword or awesome denning rug.

    so... what do you guys think? any suggestions? tips? alternatives?
    Likes Xann, asynartetic, Domino, meowington liked this post

  2. #2
    Rainy Day Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nocapszy View Post
    so... what do you guys think? any suggestions? tips? alternatives?
    What about keeping your cat inside at night?
    Likes Domino liked this post

  3. #3
    corona Hawthorne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ingrid in grids View Post
    What about keeping your cat inside at night?
    b-b-but tassles! and spikes! together? with chainmail?

    yes plz.

  4. #4
    no clinkz 'til brooklyn Nocapszy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ingrid in grids View Post
    What about keeping your cat inside at night?
    it's home, not jail.
    we fukin won boys

  5. #5
    Super Ape Luke O's Avatar
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    The problem with armour is that it slows you down. Cats have agility on their side, and can leap up a fence out of danger.

    What you need is a cat gun.

    This message is sponsored by the NRA

  6. #6
    no clinkz 'til brooklyn Nocapszy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luke O View Post
    The problem with armour is that it slows you down. Cats have agility on their side, and can leap up a fence out of danger.

    What you need is a cat gun.

    This message is sponsored by the NRA
    i mean... it's a decent idea, but how's he supposed to conceal it?
    and besides that, a gun of almost any size will weigh as much in his paw as the armor on his body.

    agility is why i'm really thinking i'll go with some quality leather.
    we fukin won boys

  7. #7
    Super Ape Luke O's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nocapszy View Post
    i mean... it's a decent idea, but how's he supposed to conceal it?
    and besides that, a gun of almost any size will weigh as much in his paw as the armor on his body.

    agility is why i'm really thinking i'll go with some quality leather.
    It'd have to be cat sized, like a derringer. You'd have to fully train your cat as well in the safe use of firearms. That or installing anti-fox turrets.

  8. #8
    no clinkz 'til brooklyn Nocapszy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luke O View Post
    It'd have to be cat sized, like a derringer. You'd have to fully train your cat as well in the safe use of firearms. That or installing anti-fox turrets.
    i don't think you know what kind of cat we're dealing with here. i mean at that rate what's the point? a weapon of that size wouldn't ward off an offending predator any more than his fat ass will just by how intimidating he is in sheer size.
    plus as soon as i bring up the idea of a gun for him, he won't settle for anything less than a .45 cal.



    you can see someone's already put the bug in his ear.
    here he can be seen preparing to 1deag every scrub in the pub
    [ fyi most of those rounds are .38 caliber ]
    we fukin won boys

  9. #9
    Super Ape Luke O's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nocapszy View Post
    i don't think you know what kind of cat we're dealing with here. i mean at that rate what's the point? a weapon of that size wouldn't ward off an offending predator any more than his fat ass will just by how intimidating he is in sheer size.
    plus as soon as i bring up the idea of a gun for him, he won't settle for anything less than a .45 cal.



    you can see someone's already put the bug in his ear.
    here he can be seen preparing to 1deag every scrub in the pub
    [ fyi most of those rounds are .38 caliber ]
    How about a self defence course like karate or krav maga?

  10. #10
    no clinkz 'til brooklyn Nocapszy's Avatar
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    none of these solutions account for a sneak attack by a stealthy assailant.
    armor requires no reaction time, or even situational awareness for that matter, while simultaneously affording the benefit of reducing risk/damage of harm from vehicular impact.

    i'm not sure i understand your aversion to armor.
    the topic is armor.
    if you'd like to make a spin-off thread to debate the pros and cons of feline martial arts, or self defense for cats in its full breadth, be my guest, but that's really not the my intent here.
    we fukin won boys

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