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Thread: living options

  1. #1
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Default living options

    I was thinking i need to move out, but my parents and docs are vehemently against me living in an unstructured enviroment, and i don't have the reasources to be like fuck you! so my options are stay here (my mom stresses me out though), group home (sounds awful no thanks), mental health assisted living (viable, but long waiting list), room mate (doubt they'll put up with me that long), this is why the mental health system sucks, they lable you as crazy, and say that you're incapable of living alone
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  2. #2
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    What about other members of your family? Do you suppose paying rent to someone who lives elsewhere could be an option?

    To be honest, I feel that staying with your mom is your soundest option. She may stress you out, but the stressors are ones you are fully aware of at least. You know how she is, and how she may respond.. But I do feel she cares for you, and that care is important.

    Why not start small and work your way up to a more confident, independent position?

    I don't know what you already do or do not do around the house.. but here are things I've done when I itched to live on my own, and what others have done when they were in therapy.

    - Pay rent via household chores, cooking, and outdoor work. To make a habit out of it will take some stress off of others in the house, which can make the household more harmonious.
    - Google some simple repairs and fixes that you know have long plagued the household. This one may be a bit tricky if you are unfamiliar with things.. but googling how to fix a favorite strand of christmas lights, or googling an efficient way to store photos that have been haphazardly stored in a shoebox and doing it yourself could show a lot of competence and thoughtfulness to others.
    - Spend weekends at a friend's house to get away. Take small day trips to places when you can afford it, to give yourself some personal space and to give others in the household a sort of fence and break from you as well.
    - Start to budget money in an adult-like manner. Saving up an emergency fund, opening an IRA to contribute to, having bank accounts if you do not already, and starting to slowly take over bills as you see fit to afford them not only takes stress off of those supporting you, it shows you are capable of doing things independently and instills confidence. When my sister claimed she would pay for her phone, I made sure she got an Iphone (albeit an older version) so that she could still text and talk for free if the bills became too much for her.
    - If you desire a cell phone, pay-as-you-go may be a more viable option to show responsibility of monthly bills. Car insurance being paid yourself also helps with this.. Saving up money throughout the year to pay for a year's worth of insurance shows responsibility over time.
    - Always keep your room tidy and perform routine daily personal hygiene of, at the least, showering and brushing one's teeth. Routine things like cutting and cleaning under nails, cleaning the ears, making the bed, sweeping the floor, dusting... These seem a bit tedious and annoying to some. "Why should I make my bed if I am going to mess it up again in a few hours?" But they show pride in one's personal space, and it also demonstrates to yourself and others that you can maintain some discipline, stick to a schedule you create for yourself, and utilizes willpower successfully to do the things you don't feel like doing sometimes. In the army, we assume there is something wrong immediately when someone starts to subside on personal hygiene or hygiene of the living space.
    - Have some fun in the tasks you do. If everything is a burden, and a chore, that attitude will reflect on others. Happiness is just as contagious though.. If you enjoy music, or a movie, make a game out of the things you do. See if you can rush around and dust half the room between commercials, or listen to a song you can't help but move to when you wake up in the morning.
    - Speaking of which.. Wake up at a set time every morning, and try to go to bed a set time every night. The routine not only helps establish all of the above for yourself, but it sets the tone for discipline and self-improvement. If you think you have nothing to do, so you can sleep and wake when you want.. it is not the right attitude. CREATE things to do.
    - Taking some control in your own body helps show you care about your health and want to do better for one's self. A simple work-out DVD conducted in the mornings can help the body so much, and DVDs come in endless varieties for all ranges of fitness. 30 minutes a day can do a lot for one's self health-wise.
    - Try some DIY projects. Gather funds somehow for small projects, look up something cool online, and try to create them. Something that can improve the household, your personal space, or your own wardrobe can be confidence instilling and it can give you a way to put skills to the test. If the project is a bust, it is no worries, since it is only an experiment.


    When I had accomplished those things as a teenager, the next big thing I did was clear off a section of my closet to use as storage. I tossed some kiddish items I never used, got rid of somethings I could part with, and clothes, and I started to save my money and go out to buy things I knew I would need in a new place--I had a microwave for 2 years before I had my first apartment. When I DID get my apartment, I hardly had to pay for a thing. I had dishware, silverware, storage containers, and all sorts of things to outfit the place. All I had to do was grab a few bigger furniture items, and assemble it all together. Using things like a bookshelf that folded up meant I had furniture for my new space to-be, and storage to hold the items I would buy until then.

    Those are my suggestions to you. Even if you cannot move anywhere yet and feel stuck, there are many things you do to take charge of the situation and feel like you have some control and say until this limbo passes.
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  3. #3
    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    I was thinking i need to move out, but my parents and docs are vehemently against me living in an unstructured enviroment, and i don't have the reasources to be like fuck you! so my options are stay here (my mom stresses me out though), group home (sounds awful no thanks), mental health assisted living (viable, but long waiting list), room mate (doubt they'll put up with me that long), this is why the mental health system sucks, they lable you as crazy, and say that you're incapable of living alone
    If the mental health system sucks its because its unresourced or some of the individuals working in it leave something to be desired in terms of professionalism or expertise, I've know lots of them I'd not want to go to for help if I were well or ill, although I would not say that the entire system should be judged by those individuals, the same way you cant pick a few exceptionally good practitioners and say they are standard.

    Just your circumstances prp I would be asking why you'd want to be saying fuck you, why's that so important, why does your mum stress you out and why are the people who care about you so vehement about you not living in an unstructured environment, work those things out, and I mean really do and who knows by then there could be something available or maybe you'll have a different view about needing to live by yourself.

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