Wasn't sure where else to post this, hope I picked the relevant forum.
I'm living with my mother at the moment, and I have a young cat who is strictly mine. We have two family cats that turned 10 years old this past February. They're still very much 'alive', but the signs of aging are starting to show. Their fur is getting grayer now, they're slower than they used to be, they're much more finicky about their food, etc.
I don't know why, but I'm constantly feeling very aware of their age these days. They've gotten 'mouthier' in their old age too, we joke that they're at that age where they just don't give a crap about what anyone thinks and they're going to speak their mind. Sometimes they meow and meow seemingly just to do it (meaning, they have food, they have water, they've been played with and given lots of petting, etc). This can be annoying at times but I feel guilty if I even THINK of saying 'Shhh!". I always think "They might not be here much longer" and I'm basically just constantly thinking of making them happy.
There was a third sister to these two cats, she was always sickly and small from the time they were kittens. She was 'my' cat. She started getting constant seizures, and I had to finally have her put down in March 2009. It was the first time I'd ever had to do anything like that, and at the time my ex-husband had pretty much just left a few months before so it was hard to deal with emotionally. I think maybe all the grief I didn't let myself feel last year is sort of manifesting in how I think of her sisters?
I try to be logic and tell myself "If all you do is think about how they're not going to be here one day, you'll ruin the time you have left with them", but emotionally this sadness keeps coming over me pretty regularly. I'll hold them a little while longer, I'll give them more treats than usual, I'll get them the best catnip. Sometimes I break down and just cry.
On the one hand, I've always had a tendency for this sort of thing, even when I was a young child. Even when I was nine years old I'd be having a great time with a friend and I'd be like "I wish this moment would be forever, don't you ever wish it could?". I was so painfully aware that so much in life is fleeting, I am not 100% sure why.
On the other hand, I really have learned to become much better at letting those thoughts go and start enjoying the moment while I have it rather than ruining it by thinking about how it is fleeting. I'm still good about most other things, but the cats getting older is this one thing that is constantly getting to me. I wonder if it's some kind emotional thing connected to the death of my marriage AND the death of their sister cat in such close proximity or something?
Just wondering if any of you had ever experienced anything like this? Anything that helped you out? Any feedback is appreciated! Thanks in advance