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Male Homemakers

SubjectA

New member
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Jul 17, 2009
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164
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INTJ
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I see nothing wrong with a man choosing to stay home and take care of the kids while the wife holds the job. Whatever works for the family is best, and society shouldn't dictate or even imply what's the best situation for a family. A lot of guys think it isn't "manly" if they don't make most if not all the household income. Stay-at-home dads are really looked down upon by their peers in today's society, and it's wrong.

So what do you think of the idea? Would you be a stay at home dad if you had the choice?
 

avolkiteshvara

New member
Joined
Apr 27, 2009
Messages
893
MBTI Type
YaYa
I think a guy could do it but he'd have to have outside projects like working on a boat outside or adding an addition to the house, re-tiling the bathroom.

Women can get away with doing just the kids/housework.
 

poppy

triple nerd score
Joined
May 30, 2009
Messages
2,215
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intj
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I think a guy could do it but he'd have to have outside projects like working on a boat outside or adding an addition to the house, re-tiling the bathroom.

Women can get away with doing just the kids/housework.

I don't really understand what you mean by that...I think stay at home moms would also have outside projects...

Anyway, to the OP, I wouldn't have a problem with being the bread winner and having the man tend to the home if that's how it worked out for us.
 
P

Phantonym

Guest
I think this is a great idea as long as both parents are Ok with this and it doesn't become too extreme. Whether it's the wife or the husband, it doesn't matter. I wouldn't mind my husband staying at home and I wouldn't lose any respect for him if he wanted to stay at home. But still, the best would be both parents involved in raising their children and still being able to pursue their career but not at the expense of themselves or their children.

I admit that this is the extreme way, but I've seen too many times that it ends up like this that the parent who is the sole breadwinner of the family is always working and sees their children mostly on weekends. I don't agree with this at all. I don't think that this is beneficial to the society when either of the parents is less involved in the children's life, they're lacking the attention of one parent when it is, in fact, very much needed.

I think a guy could do it but he'd have to have outside projects like working on a boat outside or adding an addition to the house, re-tiling the bathroom.

Women can get away with doing just the kids/housework.

Hmm. You could be right. Housewives might be more accepted because of the past "acceptable" role of women but being a househusband is seen as something lacking, the man is seen as a failure for not being the breadwinner. A househusband is considered as a weak link in the society merely because the role of men in the past. They feel pressured to be considered as a "success".
 

Usehername

On a mission
Joined
May 30, 2007
Messages
3,794
It just tends not to work. If you follow the blogs of SAHDads they either end up divorced or going back to work after a few years. I'm sure it could work out in theory, but it tends to not pan out in reality when it's for-realz long term.
 

Kangirl

I'm a star.
Joined
Dec 27, 2008
Messages
1,470
MBTI Type
ENTJ
I agree with the OP in that I believe people/couples are free to didive their time and responsibilities in whatever way works for them. Absolutely no judgement. Personally, though, I don't think I could live with a house-husband. I just...wouldn't want it. it wouldn't work for me.

Women can get away with doing just the kids/housework.

I know, right? Fuckin lazy women and their "just" kids/housework. Why won't they do some *hard* work??!
 

cafe

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
9,827
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INFJ
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9w1
I don't know how it works out in practice but in theory, I am for having a loving, competent relative or quasi-relative taking care of children whenever possible. Mom, dad, grandma, etc all fine as long as it works and all parties are reasonably happy with the arrangement.

Word to dads considering it: It's harder than it looks. Something about the job makes it a real morale sink. Since more women than men do it, it's easier for women to plug into a support network. Hopefully dads will have that someday, too.
 

SubjectA

New member
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Jul 17, 2009
Messages
164
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INTJ
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It just tends not to work. If you follow the blogs of SAHDads they either end up divorced or going back to work after a few years. I'm sure it could work out in theory, but it tends to not pan out in reality when it's for-realz long term.

As opposed to how many couples where the mom is the stay at home parent or both parents are working? Marriage in general tends not to work if you look at the US population.

In the US, there are over 100,000 families that are making it work. In fact, it has become a norm in some other countries.
 

Quinlan

Intriguing....
Joined
Apr 6, 2008
Messages
3,004
MBTI Type
ISFP
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9w1
In theory I'm all for it, could never picture myself doing it though.
 

wolfy

awsm
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Jun 30, 2008
Messages
12,251
I did it for six months when I first came to Japan. I looked after our daughter who was then two/three. I enjoyed it.
 

Thursday

Earth Exalted
Joined
Mar 14, 2008
Messages
3,960
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ENTJ
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8w9
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I have been the feminine force in every relationship that i can think of.
I see myself as in-charge in that respect.
Not that this matters, but it is my area of expertise(music,art,emotion,mysticism,people)
so it is natural that the woman and other half in my life would be the opposite and deal with in pragmatics
These things work themselves out without my interference and I would make a great "stay @home dad"
 

Ivy

Strongly Ambivalent
Joined
Apr 18, 2007
Messages
23,989
MBTI Type
INFP
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6
I've known several families that have this setup and it works well for them. If that's how a particular family decides to divide the work of supporting and raising the children, more power to them.
 

Ivy

Strongly Ambivalent
Joined
Apr 18, 2007
Messages
23,989
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6
It just tends not to work. If you follow the blogs of SAHDads they either end up divorced or going back to work after a few years. I'm sure it could work out in theory, but it tends to not pan out in reality when it's for-realz long term.

I don't think going back to work after a few years means it didn't work. Plenty of mothers go back to work after a few years, after having enjoyed being home with their children when they were very small.

Divorce, that's not good, but I don't think I buy that it's a higher risk for couples where the dad stays home with the kids.
 

Usehername

On a mission
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May 30, 2007
Messages
3,794
What is the purpose of this link?

I don't know how it works out in practice but in theory, I am for having a loving, competent relative or quasi-relative taking care of children whenever possible. Mom, dad, grandma, etc all fine as long as it works and all parties are reasonably happy with the arrangement.

Word to dads considering it: It's harder than it looks. Something about the job makes it a real morale sink. Since more women than men do it, it's easier for women to plug into a support network. Hopefully dads will have that someday, too.

As opposed to how many couples where the mom is the stay at home parent or both parents are working? Marriage in general tends not to work if you look at the US population.

In the US, there are over 100,000 families that are making it work. In fact, it has become a norm in some other countries.

I don't think going back to work after a few years means it didn't work. Plenty of mothers go back to work after a few years, after having enjoyed being home with their children when they were very small.

Divorce, that's not good, but I don't think I buy that it's a higher risk for couples where the dad stays home with the kids.

I should not have posted in a rush. :)

Context: My dad was a SAHD with me for a few years and though I was too young to know the details, from what I understand it worked out beautifully given their career situations and me being an accident that messed with their plan.

I was Googling/looking for commentary on SAHDs while I was considering whether or not to go for a PhD; this is where I found the link that I posted. The link was mostly to note her questions at the end (should have specified). The one that drew me most was
Is being a stay-at-home dad any different than the life that Betty Friedan and Sylvia Plath worked so hard to get away from?

I just read Plath's The Bell Jar earlier this year (about her serious depression, as well as her hate for the expectation to be The Good Wife/playing on greek/Jungian themes. From reading all sorts of Jewish/Christian/secular/male/female blogs, my understanding is that (in general, never always) it works really well if it's seen as a transitory thing for a few years (and from my understanding that was the case with my parents when I was young) but if it's a serious, long term thing the men (generally!) simply cannot connect successfully with SAHMs because they are different, and they cannot connect with working at the office kinds of dads, and they feel very isolated. (A la Plath's book.)

I'm all for it, I just think that if it's a loong term thing, it is just incredibly unlikely to work out. (From my earlier research. I'm single and don't really have a career yet, so I don't think I researched that heavily, just enough to satiate the typical INxJ needing information to make an informed decision. Because I'm not going to be a SAHM.) The men cannot connect socially because they don't fit in anywhere, and after several years, they lose themselves which isn't good for anyone.
 

Ivy

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Apr 18, 2007
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Well, I basically agree with that- but I think most mothers want something else to do after a few years, too. Especially if they were very work-oriented before spawning. The difference, IMO, is that the societal expectations for women are different from those for men. IMO, they're even more strict for boys and men.
 

Magic Poriferan

^He pronks, too!
Joined
Nov 4, 2007
Messages
14,081
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Yin
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One
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I've thought about this, because I hate working out in society, and dislike the whole concept of employment.
 

Lady_X

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Oct 27, 2008
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sx/sp
totally think whoever is happiest staying home should.
 
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