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Male Homemakers

Kangirl

I'm a star.
Joined
Dec 27, 2008
Messages
1,470
MBTI Type
ENTJ
I don't think anyone in the thread has expressed the belief that NO men should be homemakers. Again, imo, I think people should do whatever works best for them. If this includes male homemaking then all power to them. Like Ceecee, tho, it would never fly for me. Never.

My personal reasoning is based on a number of (personal) things - I think I would have a harder time feeling attracted to a male homemaker and also, I myself have no desire to be the breadwinner. If I get married and have babies, my hope is to be the main caretaker for the household and the children.
 

runvardh

にゃん
Joined
Jun 23, 2007
Messages
8,541
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Equality doesn't apply to women alone. Why shouldn't a man be a homemaker?

Equality is a modern catchphrase that the majority likes to wave around with out truely believing in it's complete definition. Or that's what I've found in my dealings with other people.
 

The Decline

(☞゚∀゚)☞
Joined
Jun 3, 2009
Messages
780
MBTI Type
?
Enneagram
5w4
Equality is a modern catchphrase that the majority likes to wave around with out truely believing in it's complete definition. Or that's what I've found in my dealings with other people.

Precisely. Altruism is great for discussions at the coffeetable, but defying norms in reality is too taxing. It like, requires you to think outside the box and stuff. I mean, you wouldn't want your friends and family to think that your husband is a fairy and you a bulldyke, would you?
 

SubjectA

New member
Joined
Jul 17, 2009
Messages
164
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
1
I don't think anyone in the thread has expressed the belief that NO men should be homemakers. Again, imo, I think people should do whatever works best for them. If this includes male homemaking then all power to them. Like Ceecee, tho, it would never fly for me. Never.

My personal reasoning is based on a number of (personal) things - I think I would have a harder time feeling attracted to a male homemaker and also, I myself have no desire to be the breadwinner. If I get married and have babies, my hope is to be the main caretaker for the household and the children.

I'd actually be more attracted to a man who would want to be a homemaker, or at least not mind it. 1) I'm not good with kids. Not nurturing enough and I'm too serious. 2) I'd make a shitty homemaker, because I can't cook nor clean for crap. The way my fiance nit picks about the cleaning and cooking, it would be one big FAIL anyway. :steam: and 3) it shows that he's willing to do whatever it takes to ensure the needs of the family.
 

runvardh

にゃん
Joined
Jun 23, 2007
Messages
8,541
MBTI Type
INFP
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6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I guess this isn't the best time to talk about my cooking and cleaning skills... ^^;;
 

sculpting

New member
Joined
Jan 28, 2009
Messages
4,148
I know two women I work with whose husbands stay home with the kids.

One is an ESFJ woman. She is not clever but puts on a good show-she can feel like an enfp at first-and is in Marketing. She actually spends a lot of time bragging about how she is the breadwinner. She just got demoted this year. I got her job.

The other is one of the most ass kicking awesome INTJs i have ever met. She is a very dominant, clever, intellectually stimulating person. She doesnt talk much at all about her husband staying home but every now and then it comes up. She is at the director level.

Hey is there like a type C prayer thread? I am agnostic but the INTJ lady's four month old baby is going in for open heart surgery this week. It was tense for a month or so, but then he stabilized and has been okay. Not sure if you guys would mind praying to your favorite deity or just projecting happy feely waves that way. His name is Seth. It was so tough as I went into her office one day to ask how she was and she took his picture off the wall and said "this is my baby. His name is Seth." At that point I Ne'd that folks hadnt been calling him by his name-just "the baby". It is easier not to get attached that way.
 

Ivy

Strongly Ambivalent
Joined
Apr 18, 2007
Messages
23,989
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6
I know two women I work with whose husbands stay home with the kids.

One is an ESFJ woman. She is not clever but puts on a good show-she can feel like an enfp at first-and is in Marketing. She actually spends a lot of time bragging about how she is the breadwinner. She just got demoted this year. I got her job.

The other is one of the most ass kicking awesome INTJs i have ever met. She is a very dominant, clever, intellectually stimulating person. She doesnt talk much at all about her husband staying home but every now and then it comes up. She is at the director level.

Hey is there like a type C prayer thread? I am agnostic but the INTJ lady's four month old baby is going in for open heart surgery this week. It was tense for a month or so, but then he stabilized and has been okay. Not sure if you guys would mind praying to your favorite deity or just projecting happy feely waves that way. His name is Seth. It was so tough as I went into her office one day to ask how she was and she took his picture off the wall and said "this is my baby. His name is Seth." At that point I Ne'd that folks hadnt been calling him by his name-just "the baby". It is easier not to get attached that way.

There sure is, right here. Hope the baby pulls through.
 

ceecee

Coolatta® Enjoyer
Joined
Apr 22, 2008
Messages
15,908
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
8w9
May I ask why?
*crickets*
Why is that, ceecee?

For one, my husband has 15+ years vested in his career at one company. He is in a senior position and he travels fairly often, teaches and writes. He does work from home about two days a week on average so his schedule is flexible enough to accommodate the kids and other things that need to be done. That said, I think his career is a huge part of his identity, as it is with lots of people. I also think he would be terribly unhappy without the interaction and stimulation his job gives him. He would also see staying home as a waste of all his education and experience. Lastly, he sees himself as ultimately responsible for the financial care of his family.
 

kryten5786

New member
Joined
Aug 31, 2009
Messages
30
MBTI Type
infj
i think that male "homemakers" are becoming much more common with the economy in the shape that it is.
i have no problem cooking and cleaning..im very self sufficient... i look at it as being a farmer, its all about providing for your family...im kinda old fashioned in the sense that being a "man" doesn't mean "puffing" my chest and always being loud... its about taking care of the "cave" and defending it when you have to..
 

slant

New member
Joined
Sep 12, 2009
Messages
88
MBTI Type
TOTO
The conflict here is gender roles.

There are many theories on gender identity. Some people think that it exists, and that people can act masculine, feminine and others are genderless. Some cultures even believe in a third gender, someone who does not display masculine or feminine traits or display both.

Others do not believe that there is a such thing as a gender identity.

I would say that typically people who promote a gender identity tend to renforce the gender identity more than they deconstruct it, which is the purpose of believing there is a gender identity because it opens peoples' eyes up to say that is it possible to display characteristics of the opposite gender. I personally do not believe in gender roles.

That being the case, this issue looks quite silly. As it has been stated, the only reason this is an issue is because of society's views. To those who have stated that a stay at home father would never be acceptable in your household, look at that statement for a minute. Is it truly because you think a female's place is at home, or is it because the way your relationship is set up, the female is the member of a male/female partnership who chose that job, and the male of the same relationship simply prefers to work outside of the home?

Contraversally, you must also consider that there are families that exist in which there is not a female partner in a two way relationship. Homosexual couples may assign gender roles to each pair of the family, but in a male/male relationship there technically would be no female to stay at home, so then it is a matter of preference of the two people. It may be more difficult to imagine a female/female relationship, for there is no biological male to be the breadwinner, so it must be decided amongst the same sex couple who would like to do each job.

There is also the issue, that has been mentioned, of an unbalanced relationship. There are situations in which there should not be a stay at home parent and a parent working, for it makes child raising inherently unequal. If there was ever a cause for divorce amongst a couple who share the one parent works/ one parent stays at home relationship, it would be this. Biological sex is purely irrelevant when it comes to problems between a couple. The complaints are not 'I believe people who are in possesion of breasts an a vagina should take care of a child and a person in possesion of a penis should work', it is an arguement of societal beliefs.
 

Nocapszy

no clinkz 'til brooklyn
Joined
Jun 29, 2007
Messages
4,517
MBTI Type
ENTP
Stay-at-home dads are really looked down upon by their peers in today's society, and it's wrong.
on the other hand, most stay at home dads are wimps, and their wives do "wear the pants" both figuratively and literally.

i look down on those men.

So what do you think of the idea? Would you be a stay at home dad if you had the choice?
no 'cause that would mean i left the wife for not aborting the pregnancy.
that is to say, i'd be the precise opposite of a stay at home dad.

i'd be a never come home dad.

you ignore the real issue:
fuck kids.

you're right about one thing -- those men who look down on stay at home dads 'cause they're pansies are wrong.
they are.

if they were truly concerned over male virility, they'd never have settled down to start a family in the first place.
taking the next step and watching over them during the day isn't any worse.
 

wren

New member
Joined
Jul 3, 2009
Messages
384
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infj
Enneagram
4
Men first need to feel comfortable with the role of stay at home, caring for their children, to make this a possiblity. Many women who become mothers wouldn't want roles reversed in this way because of the fact that most women have their own whatchamacallems come out of their bodies and are stuck with the hormonal influences, thereby concomittant breast engorgement, etc aftereffects. Who would want to part with their offspring at that time?

Give a mother two to six weeks to recover the physiological association with said infant then you may be able to discuss parenting roles in a more objective manner. Some moms want to stay with their kid 24/7 and some don't. That's where the man could serve a useful purpose aka make a significant diversion from the ditchdigger mentality. In my case I'd rather have had my head skinned than to trade positions with father.

Around age 4/5 of the child's life many mothers believe, rightfully so, their place in the family has become a little washed out. This may be due to the fact that the best shampoo they can afford begins with S. At any rate, calculation becomes a crucial thinking skill. Many women take classes at the local community college at this time. Just saying.

will continue momentarily...
 

Alchemiss

Member
Joined
Jul 12, 2009
Messages
106
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
5w6
Personally I'd like to see society shift to where both parents have the freedom and financial wherewithal to share both raising of children *and* working - where some "stay-at-home" hours each week are just a de facto part of each parent's job description. It's a shame that both stay-at-home and working part-time are marginalized.
 

wren

New member
Joined
Jul 3, 2009
Messages
384
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infj
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4
my feeling on childrearing is that all kids need to have a stable first 3 years with someone they bond with in a significant way. to me three years is a turning point for the person. at this juncture they can emotionally take care of themselves to a degree that allows others around them to change without harm. no drastic change of course but normal stuff, daycare can enter the picture, strangers, etc.

men and women, homosexual couples, should take a child's feelings into account when arranging for parenting, bottom line. give them consistent grub and physiological means up till three, then be crazy. at least give them that! no kid needs to listen to the squabbles of their adultchildren.

gaddam you are such a nagging hoare! you are never here, how could you feel my pain! and this house is a mess, what have you been doing all day, since you want to gripe at me i'll gripe at you, gowd this is no fun! i wanna buy this, you bought that?! you are so irresponsible! we have no money. but you work 23 6 why don't we have any gd money?! ask for a gd raise! you have no value that's what! you are a money mole that's what you are! well you aren't a homemaker at all, you can't even leave me alone when i come home from a long days work, which i'm sacrificing for all you guys, gdit! let's make up and have sex. i'm tired.
 

runvardh

にゃん
Joined
Jun 23, 2007
Messages
8,541
MBTI Type
INFP
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6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I prefer someone at home till the child has formalized the rules in their head which physiologically happens around puberty. After that it's just reinforcement of rules so that those cells don't die.
 

Lateralus

New member
Joined
May 18, 2007
Messages
6,262
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
3w4
I would think that being a homemaker, in the traditional sense, would be pretty emasculating for a male. I don't buy the argument that society's views are irrelevant. That totally depends on the individual. Some people aren't hermits and actually interact with the rest of the world.
 

Katsuni

Priestess Of Syrinx
Joined
Aug 22, 2009
Messages
1,238
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
3w4?
Some people aren't hermits and actually interact with the rest of the world.

I demand proof! I've never met someone who wasn't a hermit!

...Possibly... because I'm a hermit...

Minor technicality!
 

Lookin4theBestNU

New member
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
801
MBTI Type
ENFj
Enneagram
2w3
Over the last year or so my husbands company has taken some hard knocks. He has been home much more lately taking care of domestic duties and I'm totally loving it. I've NEVER been successful and certainly not satisfied in the stay-at-home mom role. I essentially had to do it for awhile because daycare was eating up almost all of the money I was bringing home. It was one of the most depressing periods of my life. I'm not sure I would be OK with him not working at all but a part-time stay-at-home husband is ideal for me. My job is really stressful and I'm now the primary source of income. I don't mind at all and almost any job is better than staying at home. He seems to really enjoy things like they are now. It is really great to have that support on the home front. He doesn't have the ego trip that some men I've seen have about being the breadwinner which is good for me. I've talked about it so highly that my best friend and her husband are considering him working just part-time too. My house isn't spotless nor can he cook well but life is going good with him home more. The gender roles are deeply ingrained in our minds since very early childhood so I do understand the people who have trouble with it. Once you get over that (which was actually easy in this case) it's a great option for some families including mine.
 

Magic Poriferan

^He pronks, too!
Joined
Nov 4, 2007
Messages
14,081
MBTI Type
Yin
Enneagram
One
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I have acknowledged that I am not and will never be conventionally masculine. As such, I'm not afraid of an "emasculating" role, and instead, I wish it were easier to find people that would just accept that I'm not going to be masculine.

The idea of doing the domestic work sounds far more appealing to me than being employed, but I dropped any hopes that I was going to do that a while ago.
 

mattness

New member
Joined
Sep 15, 2009
Messages
71
MBTI Type
ESFP
I see nothing wrong with a man choosing to stay home and take care of the kids while the wife holds the job. Whatever works for the family is best, and society shouldn't dictate or even imply what's the best situation for a family. A lot of guys think it isn't "manly" if they don't make most if not all the household income. Stay-at-home dads are really looked down upon by their peers in today's society, and it's wrong.

So what do you think of the idea? Would you be a stay at home dad if you had the choice?

my bro is a stay at home dad & hes great. its backward to think a guy can't. or shouldn't. i teach at home alot anyway so it wouldnt be a big deal for me to stay at home if my girl had a demanding career. i think guys just have a drive to provide for family that can be at home just as easy as having outside work. looking down on stay at home dads is just ignorant. raising kids is fucking hard work. my bro has three & he's permanently tired. manly to me just means taking care of business making sure your kids & girl are good
 
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