Be Rude, It May Save Your Life

[Mal12345]

The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Gif That All Women Need to See Immediately. - The Happy Talent

1. Women, you're not as rude as you think you're being.
2. Women, when you politely decline an advance, request or invitation from someone and he/she persists, it is that person, not you, who is rude.
3. Women, you don't owe anyone anything. If they try to manipulate you into thinking you do, you can literally tell them to fuck off.
4. Women, if you are afraid of "seeming rude," you are literally putting your life (and the lives of those around you) at stake. What's more important - not risking hurting someone's feelings, or not putting yourself in danger?

 

[Galena]

I've been noticing that part of my pattern of separating myself from other people is a defense against others' aggression. Being too strange to be palatable. You can tease me, but you can't make me get the joke.

 

[ceecee]

The people who should heed this advice most won't. But they won't tell you that because, that would be rude.

 

[enrapture]

Thanks. As an Fe user, that's a life-long struggle to balance between being polite and assertive.

 

[Norrsken]

I remember how disgusting the male customers would behave around me when I had to work at my first job. I wouldn't outright yell or cuss at them, but I make it a point to appear cold and uninterested. And then when and if they try anything, I literally just walk away and pretend to be too busy doing something else before they get the chance to put me in a corner. Yes, I've had men literally corner me before and one of them was old enough to be my grandfather. It was disturbing.

I think the best one I remember was when an old man just wouldn't get the hint that I wasn't feeling it, so when he tried to ask me what I was doing later, I would pointedly say, "Have a good day, sir!" and he understood and walked away. Smh. It's true. Sometimes, you have to be a little rude to get by.

 

[cascadeco]

It's valuable info.

A friend pointed this out to me many years ago; she was reading a psychology book, and they referenced this concept. That women (at least here in the states; I don't know culturally how it is all over the world) are raised to be polite, not give offense, all of that, to the detriment of actually heeding our own intuition and warning signals/alarms. An example in the book was a woman in an elevator, then the elevator stops and another person gets on - someone the woman instantly is uncomfortable about. What the woman should do is get off on that floor immediately, before the door closes and she's isolated with this stranger. What many women might be tempted to do is remain on the elevator as they don't want this person (who is a stranger btw) to be offended, want to give the benefit of the doubt, don't want to be rude, whatnot, by darting off the elevator. The act of being polite can essentially override our own biological triggers/cues/ warnings. There were many other examples in the book, but this is the only one I am recalling.

 

[geedoenfj]

I'm often told that I'm rude, however I don't know other way of dealing with people who are pushing me, I wish I know..

 

[Galena]

It's valuable info.

A friend pointed this out to me many years ago; she was reading a psychology book, and they referenced this concept. That women (at least here in the states; I don't know culturally how it is all over the world) are raised to be polite, not give offense, all of that, to the detriment of actually heeding our own intuition and warning signals/alarms. An example in the book was a woman in an elevator, then the elevator stops and another person gets on - someone the woman instantly is uncomfortable about. What the woman should do is get off on that floor immediately, before the door closes and she's isolated with this stranger. What many women might be tempted to do is remain on the elevator as they don't want this person (who is a stranger btw) to be offended, want to give the benefit of the doubt, don't want to be rude, whatnot, by darting off the elevator. The act of being polite can essentially override our own biological triggers/cues/ warnings. There were many other examples in the book, but this is the only one I am recalling.

For most of my life, I didn't even know I had gut feelings - I knew that people I considered wiser and smarter had them, and that they were a good thing to have, but was unaware of my own and felt lesser for that.

Today I'm aware, but also have to catch the impulse to override them and notice the forms that it takes. It doesn't seem to be guided by politeness for me so much as by whatever is the opposite of the gut feeling, which sometimes is not even attractive or polite. As in, it's reaction formation. I don't claim to know when or where, but at some formative point I received the message that my intuition was not merely unimportant but *wrong*.

 

[magpie]

Being rude can also do the opposite of saving your life. Though generally I agree with this message.

 

[cascadeco]

For most of my life, I didn't even know I had gut feelings - I knew that people I considered wiser and smarter had them, and that they were a good thing to have, but was unaware of my own and felt lesser for that.

Today I'm aware, but also have to catch the impulse to override them and notice the forms that it takes. It doesn't seem to be guided by politeness for me so much as by whatever is the opposite of the gut feeling, which sometimes is not even attractive or polite. As in, it's reaction formation. I don't claim to know when or where, but at some formative point I received the message that my intuition was not merely unimportant but *wrong*.

Ah, that's interesting. I think I can relate, for me that issue can take the form of lots of second guessing and overanalyzing...ie 'but what if I AM wrong?' and so on. (and yeah, in reading what you wrote here, it isn't 100% always about the politeness factor for me either) Edit: this for me is def beyond scope of just this thread topic though. But in the context of this thread, I think the 'what if I'm wrong' doesn't matter at all. It's kind of a...so what? In big picture, re safety and dealing with strangers, it doesn't matter. (and it's often people we don't know at all where this politeness/second guessing comes into play. Safety should be priority always)

 

[Yuurei]

I don't have much of a problem with this.

Of course, as a women rude = "OMG what a total bitch."

Earlier I played in this "real" survival-horror game ( the puzzles were real, the murder was not.) I was lucky enough to be in the only game where I was the only woman. No one listened to me. Until I gave them the answer that only I had and some jackass grabbed the book tied around my neck to reread it for me and I "What the fuck are you doing!?" that they heard and then me "a bitch". The guy who grabbed the book because he assumed I couldn't read though, that was fine.
...God I fuckin hate nerds.

 

[miss fortune]

I'm always very politely rude to people... moreso now than when I was younger

I do trust my own instincts about people and will follow those in how I react to them

I carry a knife and pepper spray both within reach and I'm always polite... and I will happily play people in public if they think that they can get an advantage over me because of my size or gender... prejudices can swing both ways ("sir... all it takes is for me to scream and nobody will even *ask* if you're guilty")

the same applies to women as well... if I don't trust them they will not get anything that they can use against me... but I'll be polite

 

[prplchknz]

I'm polite to everyone until they give me a reason not to be and even then i sometimes still am. I'm not super friendly but i have god damn manner, fucking youth.

 

[Lark]

I'm always very politely rude to people... moreso now than when I was younger

I do trust my own instincts about people and will follow those in how I react to them

I carry a knife and pepper spray both within reach and I'm always polite... and I will happily play people in public if they think that they can get an advantage over me because of my size or gender... prejudices can swing both ways ("sir... all it takes is for me to scream and nobody will even *ask* if you're guilty")

the same applies to women as well... if I don't trust them they will not get anything that they can use against me... but I'll be polite

I can definitely say that your experiences resonate with me too, I often wonder if its just part of growing up or if I've become too cynical sometimes.

In any case, I personally think its a bit naive to apply a sort of "vulnerable women take stock" idea to things like this, men can be just as vulnerable, not just in their dealings with women but in their dealings with other men, the sorts of predatory, exploitative types who are liable prey upon any polite, unassuming nature in women will do so also in men, in fact there are offenders who deliberately aim to exploit that "blind spot" or "paternalistic" idea about women's vulnerability to victimisation relative to men in order to target and victimise men. Its always going to be the unexpected threat that gets you in the end.

The "what the fuck are you doing thing" is fine, though you need to think what you are going to do beyond that, which is what I take it you're talking about when you talk about having pepper spray and a knife, because simply issuing the challenge "what the fuck are you doing" is going to be insufficient to startle or stop anyone intent on harm/violence.

"Rudeness", being challenged, confrontation or resistance to their will is frequently a trigger to increased or persistent harassment or violence. It can be actively "encouraging" in a rather bizarre sort of way, I've not got the references but there are bits and pieces I've read different places which make sense to me from what I've known of properly wicked individuals, some are from accounts of holocaust survivors or gulag survivors but they describe sadistic types expecting violence to prompt attachment/devotion/"love" in a psychological sense, when it doesnt or the illusion/fantasy is unsustainable there's liable to be greater violence still prompted by the shame arising from the "reality check". That's not to say that the appropriate response is to be passive, nope, just that there's more than simply being aggressive enough to tell swear and shout to keeping safe.

 

[Lark]

I'm polite to everyone until they give me a reason not to be and even then i sometimes still am. I'm not super friendly but i have god damn manner, fucking youth.

I think that makes sense, I know someone who has gone on for years about "smiling assasins", they dont have a lot of trust for people but equally they're a wonder at pissing people off and some of the time when they talk about this and its all in a sense that it applies to "A. N. Other" I've wondered did they include me in that category, I'm pretty sure they do/did, it doesnt trouble me much.

As I've gotten older I've realised that the head on, loud, stupid, mutually assured destruction path to dealing with intractable differences or conflict isnt the best idea, its not likely to produce satisfaction, there's more in the way of Pyrrhic victories than anyone knows and there's no sense feeling vindicated if objectively you're king of the ruined field, if that makes sense.

I've even found that if you're aware enough, can provide for your own safety and that of others, that allowing time enough most real anti-social or bad types are liable to self-destruct to fuck, some of them need an adversary and if you dont provide it to them they're timer actually draws shorter as opposed to lasting as longer or longer. If you're really lucky the fates let you watch the whole tragicomic drama play itself out.

 

[entropie]

I dont understand this thread. I will file it under 'not porn'.

 

[Galaxy Gazer]

Who knew that Mal had a sweet side? Then again, what INTP doesn't?

Among women of my generation, rudeness actually seems fairly common. If a guy is sad after being rejected, he's an "entitled crybaby." If a guy flirts with girls often, he's a "fuckboy." I know we have opposite views regarding gender roles, but I put kindness and consideration above most things. It seems shitty to insult someone for being attracted to you, which is why I never do it. My standard response is "thanks for the compliment/offer, but I'm seeing someone." If they start being rude, then I stop trying

I've never been in a situation where being too polite put my safety at risk, but it could definitely happen. My advice: be a decent person, but don't feel obligated to accept someone's advances.

 

[ayoitsStepho]

If there is one thing I hate about myself, it's the fact that I seriously struggle with over ridding the guilt of being rude to people who do NOT deserve any kind of respect. I feel like such a piece of shit and it can even bring me to tears with stress if I need to assert myself in situations that aren't ideal for me. I have definitely been assertive in the past, but I always feel like I could have handled it in a kinder way

 

[Galena]

If there is one thing I hate about myself, it's the fact that I seriously struggle with over ridding the guilt of being rude to people who do NOT deserve any kind of respect. I feel like such a piece of shit and it can even bring me to tears with stress if I need to assert myself in situations that aren't ideal for me. I have definitely been assertive in the past, but I always feel like I could have handled it in a kinder way

Relateable. And if I don't assert myself, later I'll feel like even more of a POS for not doing it.

 

[Mole]

A gentleman is never unintentionally rude.

So it's a good idea to be polite and carry a big stick.