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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by yeghor View Post
    I was wondering how feminism played into all that (or dieting or self image) since she mentioned that...? Do women need to be a feminist to be confident and comfortable? What's the correlation?
    There are plenty of women who don't identify as feminist who are confident and comfortable with themselves.

    Quote Originally Posted by Elaine View Post
    Nope. I just also don' t like to look conventionally girly. That' s also one of the reasons I dislike my boobs. I' m not a lesbian, though. I just have a different image of what is beautiful.
    Being a feminist does not make a woman attracted to other women.

    YIKES... this thread has gotten weird.



    Anyway @Elaine, sounds like you don't like your body, wish it were different. Which is pretty much the norm for teenage girls... and, surprisingly and unfortunately, for many or possibly most grown women too. Even women that you would think have the "perfect" body, the body you would trade yours in for for an instant, they are still not satisfied. It's really sad to me.

    I am nervous talking about weight loss because of the connection to eating disorders, I don't really understand how that psychological jump occurs for people.

    It can be healthy to lose weight, but it can be extremely unhealthy as well.

    I'm not sure if you read my whole post, but it sounds like you are on the right track, doing the right things to get your body fit and lose a bit of weight. My point is though, there are constraints of reality, genetics, and looking like a skinny, no-hip, no-boob model is not in the cards for most women. So just be careful. Don't get sooooo into losing weight that you put yourself into an unhealthy position. You may achieve the body you desire, but at what cost?

    How do you love something that is uncomfortable for you?

    When you come to see your body as something that is functional, rather than merely decorative, understand its capabilities, know how to push it, when it needs rest... when it becomes something you really are in touch with... you gain an appreciation for it and what it can do. You want to take care of it, you see its beauty and power and awesomeness.

    And then you love it.
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  2. #12
    reflecting pool Typh0n's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaine View Post
    I just also don' t like to look conventionally girly.
    Why not?

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    There are plenty of women who don't identify as feminist who are confident and comfortable with themselves.



    Being a feminist does not make a woman attracted to other women.

    YIKES... this thread has gotten weird.



    Anyway @Elaine, sounds like you don't like your body, wish it were different. Which is pretty much the norm for teenage girls... and, surprisingly and unfortunately, for many or possibly most grown women too. Even women that you would think have the "perfect" body, the body you would trade yours in for for an instant, they are still not satisfied. It's really sad to me.

    I am nervous talking about weight loss because of the connection to eating disorders, I don't really understand how that psychological jump occurs for people.

    It can be healthy to lose weight, but it can be extremely unhealthy as well.

    I'm not sure if you read my whole post, but it sounds like you are on the right track, doing the right things to get your body fit and lose a bit of weight. My point is though, there are constraints of reality, genetics, and looking like a skinny, no-hip, no-boob model is not in the cards for most women. So just be careful. Don't get sooooo into losing weight that you put yourself into an unhealthy position. You may achieve the body you desire, but at what cost?

    How do you love something that is uncomfortable for you?

    When you come to see your body as something that is functional, rather than merely decorative, understand its capabilities, know how to push it, when it needs rest... when it becomes something you really are in touch with... you gain an appreciation for it and what it can do. You want to take care of it, you see its beauty and power and awesomeness.

    And then you love it.
    I guess you don' t understand it completely. Not only I dislike it visually, but I also consider it impractical. It limits my strength, my comfortability. The hips make it harder to poise, and the boobs rise uncomfortably when I run. Besides, they limit the angle on which my hands can turn. I' m not going to have family or give birth to a baby, so I don' t need large hips anyway. But with small ones my movement coordination would have improved much more.

    Quote Originally Posted by Typh0n View Post
    Why not?
    Because it is uncomfortable, doesn' t correspond with my inner self, the image I want for myself, and my goals in life. Conventionally, women should be nurturing, caring and submissive. I hate that. I am logical, calculated, assertive, independent, and I really feel dishonored when someone takes too much care of me( when I have to carry the bags, and my grandma insists on men carrying them, I feel embarrassed, because it looks like as if I have some disability with my hands and can' t carry them myself) . I believe that if I can do something on my own, I must do it myself instead of asking others( because I both won' t look like a disabled person in front of others and will do it better than others because i' m doing it for myself) , and if I can' t do something on my own, i should learn to do it so I won' t have to ask others to help me. The more self - sufficient I am, the better. Conventions say women should rely on man, stay at home and raise childrenand generally act one of those damsels in distress you see in movies( the last one would be a great dishonour for me to do) . Excuse me, but it' s up to me to decide on which I am going to use my organism for. I have a loner personality, I am much more into knowledge than family, and I believe I will be a much better computer programmer than a mother or a wife. Yes, I have reproduction organs. I can also eat insects, but I don' t because I consider it disgusting. Having the possibility to do something doesn' t mean you should always do it. I chose to pursue career and self - development in life insteaf of family. I have the right to do so. And no convention can tell me to change my mind. I just want to look what I am inside, so that people would stop mistaking me for some feminine touchy - feely sweetie.

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaine View Post
    I guess you don' t understand it completely. Not only I dislike it visually, but I also consider it impractical. It limits my strength, my comfortability. The hips make it harder to poise, and the boobs rise uncomfortably when I run. Besides, they limit the angle on which my hands can turn. I' m not going to have family or give birth to a baby, so I don' t need large hips anyway. But with small ones my movement coordination would have improved much more.
    Ah I can see that then, from a practicality standpoint! Losing a bit of weight probably could help then, for sure.

    Just make sure you continue to use the same healthy habits you've been working on thus far and don't over do it. If you have insurance or public healthcare, might be worth talking to a doctor about setting a reasonable target goal and timeline, since it is interfering with your ability to exercise to the extent you like. Definitely related to your health and quality of life.

    In the meantime, until you do trim down so that breasts/hips are no longer interfering... some exercises that wouldn't require as much "jostling" of the girls could include walking on a treadmill on an incline (or hills if there are any near where you live) at a brisk pace... this can give you a cardiovascular/aerobic workout similar to jogging at a faster pace, but without the bouncing. Cycling is another good one. Swimming is too, if you are comfortable with that.

    Because it is uncomfortable, doesn' t correspond with my inner self, the image I want for myself, and my goals in life. Conventionally, women should be nurturing, caring and submissive. I hate that. I am logical, calculated, assertive, independent, and I really feel dishonored when someone takes too much care of me( when I have to carry the bags, and my grandma insists on men carrying them, I feel embarrassed, because it looks like as if I have some disability with my hands and can' t carry them myself) . I believe that if I can do something on my own, I must do it myself instead of asking others( because I both won' t look like a disabled person in front of others and will do it better than others because i' m doing it for myself) , and if I can' t do something on my own, i should learn to do it so I won' t have to ask others to help me. The more self - sufficient I am, the better. Conventions say women should rely on man, stay at home and raise childrenand generally act one of those damsels in distress you see in movies( the last one would be a great dishonour for me to do) . Excuse me, but it' s up to me to decide on which I am going to use my organism for. I have a loner personality, I am much more into knowledge than family, and I believe I will be a much better computer programmer than a mother or a wife. Yes, I have reproduction organs. I can also eat insects, but I don' t because I consider it disgusting. Having the possibility to do something doesn' t mean you should always do it. I chose to pursue career and self - development in life insteaf of family. I have the right to do so. And no convention can tell me to change my mind. I just want to look what I am inside, so that people would stop mistaking me for some feminine touchy - feely sweetie.
    Fair enough

    I would like to point out that there is much more grey to the world than you are making things out to be. There's not just "tough smart lady" and "damsel in distress submissive wimpy woman". Same with life choices, they are not always either/or.

    I will leave it at that.


    Best of luck to you, Elaine. You are doing well, keep up the good fight, and definitely try to counsel with someone who is an expert on health and/or fitness to see about quantities, goals, targets, etc.
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaine View Post
    I' m sorry, but I didn' t uderstand what you were trying to say.
    Just, that you are seeing progress from your hard work, and I hope you keep it up :]

    There is more to hard work than losing weight, you are gaining strength as well - that is something the simple solution will not provide.

    Can you bicycle?

  6. #16
    Member Elaine's Avatar
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    Yep, I can swim, but unfortunately, I can do this only when I go to the sea, which will happen in July, since in my country it would be expensive to enter a gym with a clean pool. And yes, I can cycle, but unfortunately I don' t have the space in my flat to keep a bicycle.
    Well, I know there are middle standponts, I just know who I am inside, and I want to correspond with that. Besides, I see no reason for myself to change in different direction and become more feminine on the outside.

  7. #17
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    Your hips and breasts are part of your power. You should be proud of them rather than wanting them to go away. You can be the person you want to be and still have a womanly body.

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaine View Post


    Because it is uncomfortable, doesn' t correspond with my inner self, the image I want for myself, and my goals in life. Conventionally, women should be nurturing, caring and submissive. I hate that. I am logical, calculated, assertive, independent, and I really feel dishonored when someone takes too much care of me( when I have to carry the bags, and my grandma insists on men carrying them, I feel embarrassed, because it looks like as if I have some disability with my hands and can' t carry them myself) . I believe that if I can do something on my own, I must do it myself instead of asking others( because I both won' t look like a disabled person in front of others and will do it better than others because i' m doing it for myself) , and if I can' t do something on my own, i should learn to do it so I won' t have to ask others to help me. The more self - sufficient I am, the better. Conventions say women should rely on man, stay at home and raise childrenand generally act one of those damsels in distress you see in movies( the last one would be a great dishonour for me to do) . Excuse me, but it' s up to me to decide on which I am going to use my organism for. I have a loner personality, I am much more into knowledge than family, and I believe I will be a much better computer programmer than a mother or a wife. Yes, I have reproduction organs. I can also eat insects, but I don' t because I consider it disgusting. Having the possibility to do something doesn' t mean you should always do it. I chose to pursue career and self - development in life insteaf of family. I have the right to do so. And no convention can tell me to change my mind. I just want to look what I am inside, so that people would stop mistaking me for some feminine touchy - feely sweetie.
    I still dont understand.

    What does all this have to do with having large hips/breasts?

    Having large hips/breasts is just the way your body is, you cant do much to change that without seriously risking your health. Having large hips/breasts doesnt mean you have to depend on men. Why would it?

    I think you're just associating this with being conventionally female/girly, which doesnt resonate with the way you are inside. But like Tiltyred said, you have to embrace how you are physically, that is the feminist thing to do here, not want to chage your body.

  9. #19
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    I haven't read any replies, so sorry if anything I've said is being repeated.

    - You're 17. My body was still drastically changing at 17, and I didn't get my lady like curves perfected until well into my 20s. You have a ways to go yet, the body doesn't stop developing at puberty, it just goes through its most radical of changes then. Also, the refining changes are what will define you.

    - That said, you're still getting a pretty good idea of what you look like now. And clearly it isn't something you're happy with. While fat cannot really be lost the way you'd like it to, in the places you'd like it to (seriously, most of the time, if you want it gone somewhere, it'll melt everywhere else faster), and there has to be a moment where you realize that your body will never be perfect. You mentioned being a perfectionist... there's going to be a long, bumpy road of self acceptance with that attitude. Be a perfectionist in other areas of life--learning a new skill, getting good grades, doing things on time... this isn't really the place to be perfect. For many, many reasons. You really cannot choose your body type--I'll never be a big busted, tall, lengthy, lithe female. I'm very low-center-of-gravity, thick legged, small breasted, wild red haired woman.. and while I look at those sultry, sexy women with their deep mysterious tones and musical, full lips and perfect waves in their straight hair and think "omg sooo awesome", it isn't who I am. You have to find what will make you happy before you can start getting happy. And that happiness has to be a realistic goal.

    - Your body is going through a lot of hormonal changes... and those changes could be completely natural. Or they could be signs of something wrong. There are a lot of thyroid issues in people with weight challenges, but I wouldn't jump right away to that. There are a lot of foods out there that trigger hormone receptors, and a lot of research is being done on inflammation and hormones and foods that mimic hormones. An anti-inflammatory diet might be something to investigate and look into, because many foods perceived to be healthy can trigger inflammation. It's something worth delving into some research face-time with, and scholastic libraries are a great place to look for that stuff. Just something to keep in the back of your head.

    - You're 17. Chances are you don't have the funds for a personal trainer. What you do have, though, is time. And time is probably better than a personal trainer. There are a LOT of exercise routines, work outs, and things that are designed to make you lose weight. And they will all work--if you're doing them right. There's a lot of science and mechanics behind weight loss and toning, and muscle building (which is essential for shedding off pounds.. I don't think 5lb weights are going to be heavy duty enough for what you're looking for.) and TONS of free resources online that have a lot of fact-based material. You should build a balanced regimen of cardio, weight lifting, body-weight, and yoga/stretching exercises that challenges you each and every time but doesn't destroy your body and gives it time to recover. If something is killing you, it's too much. If you're panting, and tired, and sweaty, and feeling a little weak afterwards, that's about right. Listen to your body, and don't be scared to challenge yourself. Your weight loss you mentioned is great actually--change is slow and you WANT it to be (ever see those drastic short-term big-weight-loss ladies and men? The skin needs time to adjust to the weight loss too, otherwise it'll sag and fold) so your system can adjust to each pound being shed. it's a GOOD, healthy thing. Plateaus will happen too--where you'll gain muscle, lose fat, and it'll come out 'even' on the scale. Don't be scared of them. Just keep going--or change up your work out routine.

    - Diet is a huge factor. There are people intolerant to all sorts of things, and those allergies can develop at any age--at 27 I'm suddenly allergic to hemp. No idea why, but I just magically decided hemp drives my body bananas. Changing a diet too drastically can shock your body, and take it a while to adjust.. start slow, keep a food diary and journal, pay attention to the ingredient lists, and do a simple calculation of what your calories should be for carbs, protein, and fats. See if that actually adds up on your food diary. There's a lot of cute, awesome apps to help you along the way.

    - Sleep and hydration are important. Water and sleep are linked a lot to weight loss and health.. it's another important thing to keep in mind. Stay in touch with your doctor on this.

    Most importantly, remember any effort is better than no effort, and you're on the right track. Stick with it, don't be discouraged, and if you want support we're all here for you. You could start a diary/journal here, and I know I and several other people on here would love to read it and cheer you on on this journey.
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  10. #20
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    Overweight/obese isn't healthy & skinny/flabby isn't very conducive to living healthy or remaining attractive.
    Pilates, yoga & walking/jogging are a great means of gaining flexibility & building endurance but strength training will quickly burn the fat off a body.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PH3pzo-zKds

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3NFC-MK2hX4

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3YLTHfRmx4

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxj3...6yPPtedkxD9Yug
    Last edited by OrderOfTheCaelifera; 05-25-2014 at 10:33 PM.

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