Short Rant- people telling people they're too skinny

[cascadeco]

I got this now and then (or some version of it) while living in Minnesota, as the working world in Minnesota is filled with a pretty large proportion of people who are, if not overweight, at least out of shape; being very thin is not much of a norm there.

However I haven't gotten it a single time now that I'm living in Colorado - because tons of people here are thin / in shape.

 

[Rasofy]

Assume stupidity and stop caring.

 

[1487610420]

i get this all the time. i was the skinniest bridesmaid at a wedding this summer and they were all hella rude to me and kept making comments about how i needed to eat a cheeseburger and shit. i wouldn't tell them that they shouldn't eat cheeseburgers. actually someone on this forum repped me something like that when i posted a picture here once so i took it down.

omg, y u so skinny, eat a cheeseburger, silly.

 

[Nicki]

I hate how it's considered unacceptable to fat shame but it's usually perfectly okay to make derogatory remarks about thinner girls such as, "Men aren't attracted to twigs," or, "Eat a sandwich sometime."

 

[greenfairy]

How is it any of your business, either way? Are you a doctor? Even if you are, are you THEIR doctor?

greenfairy, I hate body snarking of any kind. I was teased mercilessly for being a little chubby as a teen. In reality I was completely normal. Now, my daughter is tall and thin like her dad. At one time I was glad she wouldn't face the teasing I did for being fat. But people at school call her "skinny" and "anorexic" and it bothers her. I didn't realize as a teen that the thin girls got similar comments about their body. Everybody should just STFU and MYOB.

I know right? The world would be a better place if people would STFU and MYOB.

Assume stupidity and stop caring.

Just tell them to piss off. Easy solution.

Haha. That's what an INTP would say. An INFJ needs to appease Fe. But you're probably right. As I'm a priestess now and have to be all nice and s-, I'm just going to say I think that's a rude comment and then let it go.

 

[Z Buck McFate]

I used to get that myself, people don’t seem to feel much inhibition at all about making 'too skinny' comments. While there is a serious obesity problem overall in this country, the 'ideal' promoted by popular media is actually underweight to the point of being unhealthy. So I think that's the reason people are so cavalier in making comments about it- it's socially acceptable to be openly judgmental about people being 'underweight' as some sort of backlash at the pop media pressure to be unreasonably skinny. It's as if- since there are messages all over the place saying it's the 'right' way to be- it's okay for an individual to openly declare their disapproval (and may even be righteous about it, like they're doing their part to balance out public opinion). So I think that’s why telling someone they're overweight and they need to eat less is 'mean' in comparison, because they're already getting bombarded with this message all day long (from various commercials and whatnot). I still found it annoying though, when someone needed to purge some smug righteousness by telling me I'm too skinny because- even though it may be socially acceptable because of larger society problems- they’re expressing disapproval of something about me specifically in so doing (making it personal). I agree with Ivy, body snarking in any direction is just not cool.

 

[greenfairy]

I used to get that myself, people don’t seem to feel much inhibition at all about making 'too skinny' comments. While there is a serious obesity problem overall in this country, the 'ideal' promoted by popular media is actually underweight to the point of being unhealthy. So I think that's the reason people are so cavalier in making comments about it- it's socially acceptable to be openly judgmental about people being 'underweight' as some sort of backlash at the pop media pressure to be unreasonably skinny. It's as if- since there are messages all over the place saying it's the 'right' way to be- it's okay for an individual to openly declare their disapproval (and may even righteous about it, like they're doing their part to balance out public opinion). So I think that’s why telling someone they're overweight and they need to eat less is 'mean' in comparison, because they're already getting bombarded with this message all day long (from various commercials and whatnot). I still found it annoying though, when someone needed to purge some smug righteousness by telling me I'm too skinny because- even though it may be socially acceptable because of larger society problems- they’re expressing disapproval of something about me specifically in so doing (making it personal). I agree with Ivy, body snarking in any direction is just not cool.

I completely agree that that's what's going on. But it's just immature and offensive to take out insecurities and resentments on other people.

 

[EJCC]

This is so interesting. I had no idea it was a thing. Maybe it's because I have only ever lived in areas where most people are skinnier; I'm not overweight, but most people are thinner than me, so I've never had those comments directed my way.

I have been on the other side of that, though. I have a very thin friend who I made similar comments to when I first met her. But it was because I was legitimately concerned for her health, not because I was jealous.

 

[Cellmold]

How is it any of your business, either way? Are you a doctor? Even if you are, are you THEIR doctor?

greenfairy, I hate body snarking of any kind. I was teased mercilessly for being a little chubby as a teen. In reality I was completely normal. Now, my daughter is tall and thin like her dad. At one time I was glad she wouldn't face the teasing I did for being fat. But people at school call her "skinny" and "anorexic" and it bothers her. I didn't realize as a teen that the thin girls got similar comments about their body. Everybody should just STFU and MYOB.

Ah I just re-read what I put. I meant to specify those close to me. Not any old people.

And in my own subjective judgement the person has to be really, really ill in that condition and it has to affect their life quite severely to get any response from me. The thing is I dont like people pussy-footing around with those who have REAL weight issues.

It's only fairly recently ive started thinking like this as well, I used to subscribe to the 'mind your own business' side, but that sometimes does more damage than good. But once again I will remind that this is only those of great closeness to me. Also this is not a case of walking in and going "oi you...you're too fat, get on that treadmill" it's more a case of actually seeing if they want to help themselves first and sitting down to talk with them and try to understand their side of this.

If anything, though, im still too passive with most people. I apologise anyhow, because I was in a bit of a rush and didn't really think that post through.

 

[cascadeco]

greenfairy, I hate body snarking of any kind. I was teased mercilessly for being a little chubby as a teen. In reality I was completely normal. Now, my daughter is tall and thin like her dad. At one time I was glad she wouldn't face the teasing I did for being fat. But people at school call her "skinny" and "anorexic" and it bothers her. I didn't realize as a teen that the thin girls got similar comments about their body. Everybody should just STFU and MYOB.

I think I avoided receiving most commentary growing up, by withdrawing / not being part of much of anything, such that no one said much of anything to me and I was just known as the 'shy girl'. But I was immensely self-conscious of how I looked from junior high through maybe my junior year in high school (and knew by virtue of what the boys were interested in/who they were looking at that I wasn't even on any of their radar, other than being teased, potentially), because I was an incredibly late bloomer. Super skinny, no body fat, flat as a pancake, no curves, until late high school. Then I finally started filling out, and that continued even into early college, and now I'm pretty well-proportioned.

 

[SD45T-2]

I can only think of one time someone said I was getting too thin, and he was being facetious. There were times when I got mocked by other kids for being fat. And my last name. And a variety of other stuff.

 

[metalmommy]

I hate how it's considered unacceptable to fat shame but it's usually perfectly okay to make derogatory remarks about thinner girls such as, "Men aren't attracted to twigs," or, "Eat a sandwich sometime."

It's unacceptable to fat shame? Seriously? Have you ever read a forum having anything to do with weight? Because based on the predominantly heinous things people say, it doesn't seem "unacceptable" to shame those who are not super thin...

I subscribe to the STFU & MYOFB concept [MENTION=2]Ivy[/MENTION] posted. No one needs to be shamed for their body. That helps no one. Too fat or too thin, being ashamed doesn't lead to better outcomes. How well do people care for things they're ashamed of? People should love their bodies so they will show them the greatest possible care. IMO.

 

[cafe]

I used to get that a fair bit when I was younger. I don't know why it didn't bother me. Usually everything bothers me. Now it's going to bother me that I don't know why it didn't bother me -- I'm about as thin-skinned as they come. It's not that I am without vanity. I like to look nice or at least not look bad. I guess maybe I never felt like I looked bad and the intent of the commenters did not feel malicious, just . . . well, like a kid that hasn't learned manners yet more than anything. Like if somebody stepped on my toe in a crowd but never realized they had done it. Kind of blundery or something. I've been hurt a lot worse by people insulting my character, intelligence, or socio-eco status, etc. Body is just brain transport device that people are inexplicably obsessed with.

My mom, OTOH, *hated* the comments. She is 5'6" and was under 100 lbs, if I remember correctly. She used to wear multiple outfits at a time so that she wouldn't look so thin . It makes me angry to think about it because she was straight up beautiful and yet has always felt very insecure about her appearance.

 

[Nicki]

It's unacceptable to fat shame? Seriously? Have you ever read a forum having anything to do with weight? Because based on the predominantly heinous things people say, it doesn't seem "unacceptable" to shame those who are not super thin...

I subscribe to the STFU & MYOFB concept [MENTION=2]Ivy[/MENTION] posted. No one needs to be shamed for their body. That helps no one. Too fat or too thin, being ashamed doesn't lead to better outcomes. How well do people care for things they're ashamed of? People should love their bodies so they will show them the greatest possible care. IMO.

I mean outside of the Internet. You can't exactly tell someone they're fat and need to lose weight without being rebuked. I agree with you completely.

 

[metalmommy]

I mean outside of the Internet. You can't exactly tell someone they're fat and need to lose weight without being rebuked. I agree with you completely.

yes, I would agree with that. With that caveat, there is a double standard toward very skinny people, women in particular.

 

[Ivy]

Ah I just re-read what I put. I meant to specify those close to me. Not any old people.

And in my own subjective judgement the person has to be really, really ill in that condition and it has to affect their life quite severely to get any response from me. The thing is I dont like people pussy-footing around with those who have REAL weight issues.

It's only fairly recently ive started thinking like this as well, I used to subscribe to the 'mind your own business' side, but that sometimes does more damage than good. But once again I will remind that this is only those of great closeness to me. Also this is not a case of walking in and going "oi you...you're too fat, get on that treadmill" it's more a case of actually seeing if they want to help themselves first and sitting down to talk with them and try to understand their side of this.

If anything, though, im still too passive with most people. I apologise anyhow, because I was in a bit of a rush and didn't really think that post through.

As a fatty, I can tell you you're not telling your fat (or thin) loved ones anything they don't already know, and if comments and offers of "help" really helped it would have worked one of the first 1000 times they heard it from everyone else. IMO it's best just not to comment on people's bodies at all.

 

[chickpea]

It was me.

You made me - the person who repped you - sound like a real A-hole.

I also said you looked beautiful and that I liked what you've done with your hair - curls I believe.

Dammit woman I like that picture. Don't be a prude. Upload it back.

wasn't you.

 

[Cellmold]

As a fatty, I can tell you you're not telling your fat (or thin) loved ones anything they don't already know, and if comments and offers of "help" really helped it would have worked one of the first 1000 times they heard it from everyone else. IMO it's best just not to comment on people's bodies at all.

I think you are assuming too much and projecting a dislike of pressurising busy-bodies onto me.

On the other hand, my original post does make me seem like a pressurising busy-body....

 

[Lark]

Oh here's an idea, I could just reply "You're too fat and you need to eat less."

Good point.

But are they right? Why would they be saying that?

 

[Tigerlily]

When I eat too many calories, I gain weight. When I cut back, I lose. Personally, I hated being over weight, so that motivates me to keep my weight under control. It's weird because growing up I was so insecure about being underweight, to the point that I would wear clothes that covered my thin body. Thankfully now, I am more comfortable with my body, but I don't think I'll ever be 100% secure with myself.

[MENTION=15773]greenfairy[/MENTION] yes, I totally agree with you, it is extremely rude to comment on anyone's weight. My friend's daughter asked me for the second time how much my daughter weighs, even after her mother and I both explained to her how rude that was. She isn't perfect and I told her that she wouldn't like people made comments on her appearance. Yes, my daughter is thin, but she's not under weight. She just isn't into eating tons of food!