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  1. #51
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
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    I've had male friends tell me before, ''You looked more attractive at 132 than the 122 you are now,'' [after asking my current weight]
    My response: ''Welp, good thing I'm not fucking you, amirite?''

    Actually, some chick I was seated beside on a plane the other day commented on my choice of snack [a South Beach Diet whipped chocolate almond bar] - "OMG you don't need to eat THAT- you're skinny enough!!! Want any of these?" She offered me some peanut M&M's or Cheez-It's.
    I guess she was trying to be nice, but why should I have to explain that I just LIKE the taste of the bar, & a whole box of them were on sale? Why can't someone at a healthy weight make a slightly healthier choice in chocolatey food and not be looked at like they're starving themselves, or doing something wrong? If an overweight person was eating my snack, people may nod in approval at th
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.

  2. #52
    Ginkgo
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lexicon View Post

    Ain't nobody got time f'that.

  3. #53
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lexicon View Post
    I've had male friends tell me before, ''You looked more attractive at 132 than the 122 you are now,'' [after asking my current weight]
    My response: ''Welp, good thing I'm not fucking you, amirite?''
    This whole thing is symptomatic of our culture thinking womens' bodies are public property and that our primary responsibility is to be attractive for the people who have to look at us, like we owe that to strangers or anyone. It's kind of bonkers IMO.

    This attitude comes out in people saying the kind of bullshit you mention here- "you would be more attractive if" or "you were more attractive when"- welp, guess what, that's irrelevant. STFU.
    It comes out in people thinking they have to talk to their fat/thin/pale friends and relatives to let them know they're too fat/thin/pale- welp, guess what, it's not your fucking business. STFU.
    It comes out in people thinking they have the right to comment on every celebrity body change (OMG she got soooo fat! and she had the baby WEEKS ago!)- welp, guess what, you're an idiot. STFU.
    It comes out in men who get OFFENDED when a fat woman expresses sexual interest in them. No, you are not obligated to date someone you're not attracted to. But she didn't wrong your ancestors by asking you out. STFU.
    It comes out in men who feel entitled to a mate who is the exact correct amount of thin-yet-curvy.
    It comes out in women who feel superior to other women who they think have less desirable body types (be they "too" thin or "too" fat).
    It comes out in women who think it's okay to tell another woman she needs to "eat a cheeseburger" or "put the cheeseburger down."

    It is one of my least favorite things about American culture and I would be thrilled if everyone stopped putting so much emphasis on appearances and started looking inside each other for value.

  4. #54
    Senior Member ptgatsby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    It is one of my least favorite things about American culture and I would be thrilled if everyone stopped putting so much emphasis on appearances and started looking inside each other for value.
    Although I agree with you fundamentally, my experience is that American (western) culture is actually better than most other cultures. Asian, especially Japan/Korea/China are utterly brutal in terms of criticism*. (I have examples if you are curious about the differences). OTOH, both south asian and south pacific are not like this, as far as I can tell.

    It's also true in large parts of Europe, mostly Eastern Europe. Northern Europe differs too much, AFAIK, although I don't have much experience there. What I do hear is that places like Denmark are a lot "darker" and harsher, compared to Finland and Sweden in which there is more personal space around people.

    ---

    I don't think STFU and MYOB works. I wish it did. The problem is that these are social pressures, punishing social defectors, meaning anything outside of the norm is ridiculed.

    I believe that the only solution is to use a social rebuke for people who are critical, effectively using the same method. In small groups, a question like "why do you think it is acceptable to criticise others?" can be quite painful. If enough people do that, a new social norm replaces the old.


    ---

    * One odd thing that comes up in Asian cultures is the criticism comes with support to become 'normal', or will easily integrate good and bad traits together. What is fundamentally different in Western (and namely American) culture is the overlying belief that we are fully responsible individuals, and hence something is wrong with us whenever we defect. That attacks self worth differently than a lot of other more vocally critical cultures.

  5. #55
    Senior Member LEGERdeMAIN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lexicon View Post
    I've had male friends tell me before, ''You looked more attractive at 132 than the 122 you are now,'' [after asking my current weight]
    My response: ''Welp, good thing I'm not fucking you, amirite?''

    Actually, some chick I was seated beside on a plane the other day commented on my choice of snack [a South Beach Diet whipped chocolate almond bar] - "OMG you don't need to eat THAT- you're skinny enough!!! Want any of these?" She offered me some peanut M&M's or Cheez-It's.
    I guess she was trying to be nice, but why should I have to explain that I just LIKE the taste of the bar, & a whole box of them were on sale? Why can't someone at a healthy weight make a slightly healthier choice in chocolatey food and not be looked at like they're starving themselves, or doing something wrong? If an overweight person was eating my snack, people may nod in approval at th
    As more and more people cross the overweight and obese thresholds, it'll be more common for people to say that skinny people are too skinny or gross, even people who (used to be) normal weight. I'm back up to about 140 but people still tell me I'm too skinny. I always wondered "too skinny for what?". All I'm saying is that you should get used to it, "you're too fat" is out and "your too skinny" is in. The only other option is to start a thin-fascist movement.
    “Some people will tell you that slow is good – but I’m here to tell you that fast is better. I’ve always believed this, in spite of the trouble it’s caused me. Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube. That is why God made fast motorcycles, Bubba…”


  6. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by LEGERdeMAIN View Post
    As more and more people cross the overweight and obese thresholds, it'll be more common for people to say that skinny people are too skinny or gross, even people who (used to be) normal weight. I'm back up to about 140 but people still tell me I'm too skinny. I always wondered "too skinny for what?". All I'm saying is that you should get used to it, "you're too fat" is out and "your too skinny" is in. The only other option is to start a thin-fascist movement.
    Hitler was a vegetarian.

    /common knowledge

  7. #57
    Senior Member Viridian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lexicon View Post
    I've had male friends tell me before, ''You looked more attractive at 132 than the 122 you are now,'' [after asking my current weight]
    My response: ''Welp, good thing I'm not fucking you, amirite?''

    Actually, some chick I was seated beside on a plane the other day commented on my choice of snack [a South Beach Diet whipped chocolate almond bar] - "OMG you don't need to eat THAT- you're skinny enough!!! Want any of these?" She offered me some peanut M&M's or Cheez-It's.
    I guess she was trying to be nice, but why should I have to explain that I just LIKE the taste of the bar, & a whole box of them were on sale? Why can't someone at a healthy weight make a slightly healthier choice in chocolatey food and not be looked at like they're starving themselves, or doing something wrong? If an overweight person was eating my snack, people may nod in approval at th
    Apparently, losing weight is the only reason for eating healthily, too... (õ_o)

    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    This whole thing is symptomatic of our culture thinking womens' bodies are public property and that our primary responsibility is to be attractive for the people who have to look at us, like we owe that to strangers or anyone. It's kind of bonkers IMO.

    This attitude comes out in people saying the kind of bullshit you mention here- "you would be more attractive if" or "you were more attractive when"- welp, guess what, that's irrelevant. STFU.
    It comes out in people thinking they have to talk to their fat/thin/pale friends and relatives to let them know they're too fat/thin/pale- welp, guess what, it's not your fucking business. STFU.
    It comes out in people thinking they have the right to comment on every celebrity body change (OMG she got soooo fat! and she had the baby WEEKS ago!)- welp, guess what, you're an idiot. STFU.
    It comes out in men who get OFFENDED when a fat woman expresses sexual interest in them. No, you are not obligated to date someone you're not attracted to. But she didn't wrong your ancestors by asking you out. STFU.
    It comes out in men who feel entitled to a mate who is the exact correct amount of thin-yet-curvy.
    It comes out in women who feel superior to other women who they think have less desirable body types (be they "too" thin or "too" fat).
    It comes out in women who think it's okay to tell another woman she needs to "eat a cheeseburger" or "put the cheeseburger down."

    It is one of my least favorite things about American culture and I would be thrilled if everyone stopped putting so much emphasis on appearances and started looking inside each other for value.
    If I could put a Hallelujah chorus in .gif form, I would, Ivy.
    Tentative typing: ISFJ 6w5 or 9w1 (Sp/S[?]).

  8. #58
    yap yap yap xenaprincess's Avatar
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    I haven't read this entire thread but....I've always understood that one shouldn't make remarks about someone else's appearance, unless that someone else brings it up.

    I might ask whether someone had gotten a haircut, but that's as far as I'd go.

    I wasn't brought up this way, I've been influenced by people around me. What if someone is losing weight because they are ill? There is zero reason to bring up someone's weight, whether they are losing or gaining. It's just not polite (in my world).

    This one woman at my office makes remarks about whether someone is losing or gaining weight, or whether they are eating in a healthy manner, and it kills me every time. It is simply rude.

    I've said stuff to her about it, which probably makes me rude, too, but it does not stick. The woman is made of teflon.

  9. #59
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Viridian View Post
    Apparently, losing weight is the only reason for eating healthily, too... (õ_o)



    If I could put a Hallelujah chorus in .gif form, I would, Ivy.
    To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
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    Music provides one of the clearest examples of a much deeper relation between mathematics and human experience.

  10. #60
    philosopher wood nymph greenfairy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lexicon View Post
    I've had male friends tell me before, ''You looked more attractive at 132 than the 122 you are now,'' [after asking my current weight]
    My response: ''Welp, good thing I'm not fucking you, amirite?''
    Haha, good response. I'll remember this one.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    This whole thing is symptomatic of our culture thinking womens' bodies are public property and that our primary responsibility is to be attractive for the people who have to look at us, like we owe that to strangers or anyone. It's kind of bonkers IMO.

    This attitude comes out in people saying the kind of bullshit you mention here- "you would be more attractive if" or "you were more attractive when"- welp, guess what, that's irrelevant. STFU.
    It comes out in people thinking they have to talk to their fat/thin/pale friends and relatives to let them know they're too fat/thin/pale- welp, guess what, it's not your fucking business. STFU.
    It comes out in people thinking they have the right to comment on every celebrity body change (OMG she got soooo fat! and she had the baby WEEKS ago!)- welp, guess what, you're an idiot. STFU.
    It comes out in men who get OFFENDED when a fat woman expresses sexual interest in them. No, you are not obligated to date someone you're not attracted to. But she didn't wrong your ancestors by asking you out. STFU.
    It comes out in men who feel entitled to a mate who is the exact correct amount of thin-yet-curvy.
    It comes out in women who feel superior to other women who they think have less desirable body types (be they "too" thin or "too" fat).
    It comes out in women who think it's okay to tell another woman she needs to "eat a cheeseburger" or "put the cheeseburger down."

    It is one of my least favorite things about American culture and I would be thrilled if everyone stopped putting so much emphasis on appearances and started looking inside each other for value.
    Yeah I hate this too! I totally agree. Women's magazines spend so much time trying to tell women to love their bodies, but the tabloids are filled with negative body criticisms. And if people are really concerned, the fashion industry should have more regular sized women on catwalks. The argument is that clothes look better on thin people; but really they look best on healthy, well proportioned people. And there isn't much point in designing clothes that aren't meant to be worn by real people; it's turned into using people to be part of a sadistic art project.

    Quote Originally Posted by ptgatsby View Post
    I believe that the only solution is to use a social rebuke for people who are critical, effectively using the same method. In small groups, a question like "why do you think it is acceptable to criticise others?" can be quite painful. If enough people do that, a new social norm replaces the old.
    This is a good response too. Very interesting how it differs by country and region. I heard that in Japan anorexia is really prevalent.

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