no god/no booze?

[miss fortune]

I've been more or less sober for a little over 2 years now, after having actually gone through rehab. Quitting is hard... and I'm saying is, because I'm still having issues with it. I'd thought a while back that it might be possible to have a drink or two, and I succeeded a few times, but then I thought I would have a beer with lunch at work and ended up getting wasted instead and decided that perhaps I really CAN'T drink like normal people

recently I fucked up my dominant arm (lower arm, hand and a few fingers) and am having trouble doing quite a few things that I had previously done with ease without it hurting... combine that with stress from work and birthday season for all of my friends and I'm having trouble NOT thinking about drinking

I was thinking that perhaps attending meetings would be beneficial, but I'm sure as hell not attending anything where I'm going to get talked to about God and such However, I can't seem to find any secular options.

Any suggestions?

and no, I don't need to be lectured about an apparent need to find god or for my past bad decisions

 

[Lord Guess]

My advice would be just to go to the meetings, pretend like you are going to be devoted to God or whatever, and take the help for what it's worth. If you want to follow through with the devotion part, but not make it a religious thing, you can place that devotion to anything of your choice; it really doesn't matter, since it will have the same result in the end.

 

[Xenon]

From what I've heard, the amount of 'God-talk' varies from group to group. Some groups frown on being too pushy with religion, even those based on the twelve-step model. (I've heard people say they've thought of the group or program itself as their "higher power"). So it might be worth checking out anyway. I read an interview recently with a retired therapist at freethoughtblogs.com that discussed this very topic (agnostics/atheists and 12-step meetings). He talks about both his criticisms of it and how his agnostic and atheist clients have made it work for them. Worth a read:

Former Therapist on AA and the non-religious (just the first half or so is about AA)

There are secular options in some places (SMART Recovery is one), but since 12-step is the dominant model meeting groups for these be hard to find, depending on where you are. You can have a look though. Another option is online chat sessions and forums. The SMART Recovery page has some; there may be more elsewhere. I don't know of anyone who's used them, so I don't know how active they are or what they're like. I do know online group support can be powerful stuff if you do find a suitable group.

Introduction to SMART Recovery

The above website also has a page where you can search for local in-person meetings, as well as an online forum and chat schedule.

Best of luck. Addiction is a real bitch.

 

[Mole]

SOS - a Secular Option for Sobriety

I can't seem to find any secular options.

Any suggestions?

I good secular option is SOS. Just click on - http://www.cfiwest.org/sos/find.htm

 

[miss fortune]

as someone who grew up in the rural midwest, I was just about god-ed out as a kid... to the point where I can feel the hairs raise on the back of my neck (in a bad way) whenever someone suggests praying or giving up to a higher power (I've been to an AA meeting... I got hugged AND told that I needed religion... I fled)... unfortunately, I'm still in the midwest, so my options are more limited than if I lived elsewhere

some of the suggestions look appealing and I will have to look more in depth at them... I'd like to be somewhere with live people, because it's harder to look into the eyes of a real person and to tell them that you have failed. Fitting that around my work schedule and home schedule isn't the easiest thing though

I guess I just have a lot of things going on and I KNOW me, so I'm a bit worried

 

[prplchknz]

I'd say do what I've done but than again it wasn't my intent to quit drinking. I'd say get some meds that make you sick when you drink

 

[violet_crown]

You could always take up smoking.

 

[miss fortune]

coffee and cigars are my thing anymore (I quit smoking over a pack a day of cigarettes a few months ago )

 

[kyuuei]

I think it's great, first of all.

Not ever being one to struggle with drinking, I do know that peer pressure is a powerful force, especially with things like friends and birthdays and such. My two buddies have lost touch with a number of the people they used to hang out with regularly because of their decision to quit drinking.. it happens. You end up finding out that many of your 'friends' were just drinking buddies--with little else in common. I'm not saying all of your friends are this way.. but what I am saying is, anyone who knows you'll have an issue will be sensitive to that issue.

- Volunteering yourself as designated driver out loud to everyone helps put the pressure on yourself not to drink when you're forced to go to a place with alcohol.
- Avoiding situations where you could pay for it helps too. If you're going to eat, bring just enough cash to pay for a particular meal you like and tip. Nothing else--leave the wallet tucked underneath the seat of the car or something.
- Going to meetings is definitely a smart idea. I think there are secular options out there, but even if there are not, reading books on the subject may be an option. You could create a meeting yourself through things like this.

I read an article that I loved on the subject.

http://www.cracked.com/article_18824_5-things-nobody-tells-you-about-quitting-drinking.html

 

[miss fortune]

I actually DID lose most of my friends when I quit drinking... and since that used to be my primary form of socialization (my hobbies are solitary) I really haven't replaced them... and that's who I've been out with lately for birthday celebrations. A good number of them are alcoholics and they don't see any problems with their drinking in the least and think that I'm being uptight by having quit. That is something that most people don't really consider before stopping... friendlessness. (and that they weren't really your friends in the first place )

it's hard to say no with any excuse except for "I quit drinking you fuckhead!" at these people since they've usually booked cabs and are generous with their money

I'm thinking that some outside form of accountability would be a good thing, since disappointing others scares me more than disappointing myself

... and that article wasn't entirely untrue

 

[prplchknz]

if i lived there i'd be your friend, and we can be miserable and sober together

 

[miss fortune]

if i lived there i'd be your friend, and we can be miserable and sober together

or we could sit at the end of the table and make snarky comments about everyone!

seriously... I was reading xkcd comics at a bar the other night instead of drinking and being merry... and drinking coffee

 

[kyuuei]

I actually DID lose most of my friends when I quit drinking... and since that used to be my primary form of socialization (my hobbies are solitary) I really haven't replaced them... and that's who I've been out with lately for birthday celebrations. A good number of them are alcoholics and they don't see any problems with their drinking in the least and think that I'm being uptight by having quit. That is something that most people don't really consider before stopping... friendlessness. (and that they weren't really your friends in the first place )

it's hard to say no with any excuse except for "I quit drinking you fuckhead!" at these people since they've usually booked cabs and are generous with their money

I'm thinking that some outside form of accountability would be a good thing, since disappointing others scares me more than disappointing myself

... and that article wasn't entirely untrue

I definitely suggest going to meetings regularly. I know they're out there, secular people DO exist in the Bible Belt I swear!! But more importantly, alcohol is truly just a medication for THE problem.. alcohol itself isn't the problem, it is your brain's wiring and the way you feel and react to alcohol. So meetings and being held accountable will end up being required, simply because you'll never "quit" officially. You'll just "pause" until the day you die. It's like if a person is prone to procrastination.. it is something you work on not doing on a daily basis, and just when you get comfortable with it is when you realize you have to work even harder. It's just one more thing to do and be aware of.. but it is better than not being aware.

I'm lucky in that I'm a total geek.. I can easily indulge in geeky hobbies and still socialize with people. Magic The Gathering, video games that are multiplayer, board games and role-playing games like DnD give my social fixes more than I'll ever need So maybe looking at what hobbies you DO enjoy would be a great start!

 

[miss fortune]

I definitely suggest going to meetings regularly. I know they're out there, secular people DO exist in the Bible Belt I swear!! But more importantly, alcohol is truly just a medication for THE problem.. alcohol itself isn't the problem, it is your brain's wiring and the way you feel and react to alcohol. So meetings and being held accountable will end up being required, simply because you'll never "quit" officially. You'll just "pause" until the day you die. It's like if a person is prone to procrastination.. it is something you work on not doing on a daily basis, and just when you get comfortable with it is when you realize you have to work even harder. It's just one more thing to do and be aware of.. but it is better than not being aware.

I'm lucky in that I'm a total geek.. I can easily indulge in geeky hobbies and still socialize with people. Magic The Gathering, video games that are multiplayer, board games and role-playing games like DnD give my social fixes more than I'll ever need So maybe looking at what hobbies you DO enjoy would be a great start!

I'm jealous, I really am... I wish that I had normal or geeky hobbies! I come from a long line of alcoholics on both sides of the family though, so my stupidity kind of doomed me there I know, that genetically speaking, I'm always going to have that void there that other people don't have...

and yes, there are secular groups around... my horror at admitting to everything I've done, and worse, how I FEEL about that, is kind of scary

 

[kyuuei]

I'm jealous, I really am... I wish that I had normal or geeky hobbies! I come from a long line of alcoholics on both sides of the family though, so my stupidity kind of doomed me there I know, that genetically speaking, I'm always going to have that void there that other people don't have...

and yes, there are secular groups around... my horror at admitting to everything I've done, and worse, how I FEEL about that, is kind of scary

It is hard.. But luckily you do have friends and family. You'll be okay. ^_^b

 

[Rail Tracer]

I don't drink much.

What I notice is that I have scenarios in whether I will or will not sip a drink. In other words, a unwritten list of do and do-not.

Most of the time, I only drink when the occasion is special (maybe a wedding or someone's birthday.)

I only drink at night... don't think I have token a sip of wine/beer before in the morning/afternoon. At least, night time when I am winding down, so I'm more willing to drink a bit... as opposed to right at the break of dawn or the afternoon when most things are happening

I don't drink when there is something I have to do the next day that require me to wake up in the morning.

----------------
I think, it is ok to drink maybe a few times a month... just not excessively as if it was going out of style.

 

[Sanctus Iacobus]

The problem is not with alcohol but your relationship with it. When you believe that getting juiced is a part of who you are, you subconsciously believe you need it, like food or oxygen. If you study how other "normal" people (and the truth is, you are normal) drink alcohol you will see it is just one of many things they do, not who they are. Their relationship to the drink is not heavily involved. It's more like a friendly acquaintance than a painful ex... and you already know how to deal with those. It's time to break up, for good. Coming from someone who has struggled with alcohol 'ab-use'.

Oh, and Noah was a drunk.

 

[onemoretime]

In heaven, there is no beer. That's why we drink it here.

Seriously, the god talk is about one thing alone: you are not god of your own world. You are not capable of fixing yourself. You're going to have to willingly surrender yourself to the assistance of something you have no control over. It's tough, I know. I'm pulling for you.

 

[miss fortune]

looking through various options today (since I was stuck out with my old drinking buddies yesterday night... and the man, who fortunatly is understanding and works as my alcohol cock-block, but is one of those lucky bastards who can cut back to being an occasional light social drinker from his heavy drinking past... I'm so jealous! )... there's WAY too many options out there to choose from, and for someone who works in a very social field, I feel incredibly socially awkward when joining a new group... even online

not sure I even want to go through with being social about things when more thought is put into it... I'm the person who has always failed at playing chess because there are too many decisions involved

 

[Tiger Owl]

The reason God is in all the meetings is because with an addiction as strong as alcohol decades of experience have shown that the meetings work best when God is at the center of the recovery process. Best of luck to you.