Basically you need oil, and slip, to control tangles and knots. you need the hair weighed down if you want to control frizz--and prevent breakage, which is what most frizz tends to be when it's individual strands vs the afro puff.
I originally went no-shampoo and that failed massively. tried Lush products and did not like the results. Went back to regular cheap products that drove my hair bananas. Started just shampooing with a natural shampoo bar and brushing my hair a lot and that went somewhere. Added vinegar to it and that went somewhere. Then all the silicone finally flaked out of my hair (it took about 8-10 weeks for it all to slough off! Gross. It looked extra dandruffy then.) Then the knots were INSANE. The shampoo made my hair feel incredibly soft and awesome--until it dried. Then it was knot city, and it was impossible to keep up with as I don't want to do my hair EVERY single day.
On a whim I decided to try african-american products, and I've never looked back.
I would recommend Soultanicals highly because that's what I use and it works for me, but similar/other afro products even for non-afro-haired ladies I recommend for anyone trying to go without silicone or trying to tame hair. The organic ones don't have silicone in them, but they provide a LOT of slip--essential for detangling hair and keeping it from knotting up. I'm pretty much as white as they get, so I only need tiny tiny amounts for hair even as long as mine (nearly waist length). Each bottle of product they have is lasting me somewhere around 10-12 months and they're only $10-14 a bottle. The only one that runs out fast is the daily spray, and that's because I use it all the time vs occasionally.
I don't have a suitable shampoo yet that I like, I'm still experimenting with those.. Currently I'm using Le Petit Marseillias almond for 'cheveux longs' .. A cheap french shampoo I still have a ton of, that isn't terrible. Buuut.
The fluffalicious curl nutritious moisturizer is a deeeeep deep conditioner. A tiny tiny amount I use 2-4 times a week to coat my ends to protect them, and I put it all through my hair about 2 times a month whenever I feel like it. If my scalp is dry I take tiny amounts and rub it directly onto my scalp. It smells great, the smell lasts, and my hair loves it and drinks it up.
I use the lemon head knot sauce for a conditioner in the shower. I wash my hair or treat my hair with ACV, rinse it out, apply this, and then go about my shower routine. When I'm done, I comb my hair gently and rinse it all out. It won't all rinse out, some remains in my hair, and as long as I don't use too much it gives a nice coat of nutrition to my hair.
I use henna in my hair every 3-6 months. I originally used it to condition my hair, but now I use it to add more red to my hair. My red is a subtle one, and looks brown in anything but direct sunlight, so now I get a nice red gleam to my hair while giving it a deep conditioner. Pain in the ASS, also expensive and smelly for weeks after, but it doesn't need to happen often and my hair loves it.
I also recently got an oil from soultanicals that I like a lot. It's a nice, great-smelling treatment. To turn it into a lazy hot-oil treatment, apply the oil liberally, wrap your head in saran wrap, and in 20-30 minutes your head heats it up plenty. Shampoo it out really good when done. I use this on my body too 3-5 minutes before I take a shower to loosen up dead skin and provide some light moisture without dealing with that oil feeling on the skin.
The kink drink spray is the daily one. I use it directly on my scalp and places sweat poured down my hair when I'm not washing my hair (most days of the week) to get rid of henna smell, body/sweat odor, and/or to smell nicer in general after working out.
I only wash my hair once every... 7 to 10 days. So these products I stick in my hair usually have days to drink it all in and saturate my hair. I'll notice if I've put too much in, and I have a hair brush with some microfiber bristles in it that soaks up and distributes excess product. I boil that once a month because it definitely gets icky.
The thing I'm currently experimenting with is ACV for dandruff. It definitely helped a LOT with itchy scalp, and other reviewers online have said it's helped with their dandruff. It's super smelly, but I don't mind it so I'm trying it. I'll let this place know how that pans out.