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Psychosis and... Me?

Oeufa

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Jan 5, 2010
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694
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Went into schuh but they don't stock the boots I wanted. I looked at some others but they were either ridiculously expensive or too narrow for my insanely wide feet :(


Anyway I'll go make the apt, then go start my essay. Office closes at 5 so I'm cutting it a bit close...
 

Oeufa

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Oh gawd. You guys are gonna roll your eyes at me on this one. I walked down to the far end of campus. I went into the student centre, up to the first floor past all the people eating at the sandwich bar who were watching me (there's only 1 thing on the 1st floor - the health centre). I got to the doors of the office but I chickened out. I ran away. Now I'm in the restaurant building back on the familiar end of campus... I feel so ashamed.
 

Red Herring

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url


Why am I not suprised? *sigh*

At least you are starting to notice that there is something very strong holding you back. That's already an advancement from "la, la, nothing to see here". Now muster up some courage and go back to that office. You'll feel so aliviated afterwards!
 

Oeufa

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Can't it at least be a roasted chicken? Or a garlic chicken? Nom.

Well they're on their lunch hour now... I'll try and go back later this afternoon. Still need to start this fucking essay. Dear lord.
 

Red Herring

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Can't it at least be a roasted chicken? Or a garlic chicken? Nom.

Well they're on their lunch hour now... I'll try and go back later this afternoon. Still need to start this fucking essay. Dear lord.

There you go:

url


Great, now I'm hungry! And you keep procrastinating the first step towards ending procrastinating. :biggrin:
 

Oeufa

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Ack those are piddly little veg on the plate. Where's me roast spuds and carrots and stuffing??? :( :laugh:


Yeah I know... Pathetic eh? *sigh*
 

Oeufa

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grilled-chicken-wings.jpg



Aactually having a family barbeque this evening. I've to play organ at the Holy Thursday vigil mass though so I get to skip the tedious socialising bit and just get the yummy food afterwards :D
 

Oeufa

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Ok, well, I went in again. It was the most mortifying experience of my life. I had to ask at the reception desk (which was smack bang in the middle of the GPs waiting room), and the woman behind it spoke to me in one of those whispers that carries around the room. There was people sitting not even a foot away from me :(. Anyway they got me to fill out a short form and then told me there'd be no slots available before the exam period (which runs from 3rd to 14th May). They'll ring or text me at some point though to give me a time.


What the hell am I doing? I thought I'd feel better now but I don't. I feel dirty and ashamed. I'm wasting people's time
 

Saslou

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Congratulations.

Don't ever think you are wasting people's time. This is the first step to the rest of your life and you're worth it.

Have a :hug:
 

Oeufa

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:shrug: It'll be weeks before I actually get to see anyone. I imagine all my anxiety will be gone by then since I'll be off for the summer at that stage.
 

Saslou

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Maybe your right and by that time you'll be in a better place but there is no harm keeping that option open should you require some assistance.

Just found this:
Actually, we have no problems -
we have opportunities for which we should give thanks…
An error we refuse to correct has many lives.
It takes courage to face one's own shortcomings,
and wisdom to do something about them ?
~ Edgar Cayce ~
 

Oeufa

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I'm neither brave nor wise then, it'd seem. I'll keep the apt as an option but I'll be done with college for a few months by then so it seems pointless. Why am I doing this again?


Hmmm 2 pints of cider shouldn't make me this tipsy... I'm such a lightweight lol
 

Oeufa

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Sorry to keep dragging this thread up but.... What do I do now? I mean, I still can't seem to work up the motivation to get anything done and I really can't afford (financially OR academically) to fail any more classes. At this rate I'll be broke with a degree worth SFA by the time I'm done :unsure:
 

Betty Blue

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Sorry to keep dragging this thread up but.... What do I do now? I mean, I still can't seem to work up the motivation to get anything done and I really can't afford (financially OR academically) to fail any more classes. At this rate I'll be broke with a degree worth SFA by the time I'm done :unsure:

Well firstly well done for going in and speaking to someone. It is a big step but just think, it's already done, you don't have to worry about doing that anymore.:smile:
Do you know anyone motivational that you could speak to in the meantime?
I actually think maybe speaking to your mother could help?
What are you studying? Whats the topic for the work you have to do?
Talk about it, makes it less daunting.
:hug:
 

Oeufa

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To be honest, I find motivational people tiresome. It seems too fake to me :laugh:

I'm doing a joint major in English and Music. I've exams in both as well as an elective in Greek Tragedy coming up in 2 weeks. Still got a few assignments hanging over me as well.
 

Qlip

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What do you do now? Start digging deep, think, understand. Think of when you were last motivated and what made you so.

Do you need a break from school? I get the impression that you don't have any personal connection to what you are doing in your life. It's hard to do things that you ultimately don't care about.
 

prplchknz

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talk to your professors and explain to them what's going on and they might be able to make suggestions on what to do. I'm in the process of medically withdrawing from at least one of my classes. Yes I feel like a failure but I'd rather have a w or an f.
 

Oeufa

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I can't take a break from school, and I can't withdraw from a few classes or else my full-time student status is in jeopardy (which I need because otherwise I'd have to pay full fees - that would effectively push me out of college). Just trust me when I say changing course or dropping out is not an option available to me.

No I don't enjoy my course. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life when I was leaving secondary school (still don't), so I chose to do English and Music cause I've a lot of musical training already and I enjoy literature. It seems university stomps out all interest in anything though :shock:.
 
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