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  1. #11
    Senior Member Oeufa's Avatar
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    Is there a possibility I'm actually perfectly fine and just freaking out and making rather elaborate excuses over being a lazy bum?
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  2. #12
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    just leech the money off your parents, im sure they wont mind. you need something more than some school psychologist, but you could start there, he would most likely guide you to some psychiatrist(if he knows anything about what he should be doing). i would suggest talking to some good psychologist before going to a psychiatrist, because its pretty common for a psychiatrist just to give you meds and send you home to get better, psychologist will try to get you better instead just medicating the symptoms. there are good psychiatrists too, but generally they exist just to give you drugs. i cant be sure if you would also need some medication, but you really need to talk to someone about it and dont be too anti-drug, they might help you alot, just remember to be anti-healingwithonlydrugs.

    trust me it would even be better to take a loan that you would pay for 10 years after you get a job to get your head fixed, than ending up with schizophrenia and possibly ruining the rest of your life. this sort of things do develop to something more serious pretty often over time if they arent treated. my best friend had some panic attacks from smoking weed, he didnt get any help and hid it from his parents, stopped smoking weed, and like 1.5 years later he got much worse just in few days and ended up with schizophrenic ocd. this sort of stuff wont never go away, but the stuff that you have now, you can get rid of.
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  3. #13
    Senior Member Oeufa's Avatar
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    The anti-drugs thing is my feeling towards pretty much every type of pill. I really think that as a society we've become over dependent on magic solutions. Women popping codeine (fucking CODEINE) for mild period pain is a mega pet peeve of mine - a hot water bottle and a walk is much better (this is from someone who gets pretty severe cramps too). My younger brother has been drugged up to his eyeballs on anti-seizure and ADHD meds since the age of 5 and you can tell it's had a severe impact on brain development. These so-called behavorial correctors are the symptom of lazy parents who don't want to properly discipline their spawn (I mean, come on, is even a 3rd of kids diagnosed with these disorders actually mentally ill??? Seems unlikely). [/rant] Sorry, it's just something that really bothers me. Unless absolutely necessary I wouldn't be taking meds.

    I guess I could make an appointment with the uni counselor and take it from there. If nothing else, it's cheaper than a GP visit at €40.
    Ti>Ne>Si>Te>Fi>Ni>Se=Fe

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  4. #14
    Starcrossed Seafarer Aquarelle's Avatar
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    Most universities have free counseling... is there someone at your school you could meet with? They could evaluate you and that way you could decide if you need to spend the money to go to a psychiatrist.

    EDIT: I read closer and see that you already thought of that idea. But even if they are "only" psychologists, I think it would be a good starting point for you.
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  5. #15
    Senior Member Oeufa's Avatar
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    No it's not free in our university. All doctor/nurse and counselor visits used to be, but 2 years ago they brought in charges. They're cheaper on campus then they normally would be, but no longer free unless you're a medical card holder. Which I'm not.

    I mean nothing against psychologists. I only made that "just" comment because AFAIK one can only be officially diagnosed with disorders by an MD (aka a psychiatrist?). Am I correct?
    Ti>Ne>Si>Te>Fi>Ni>Se=Fe

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  6. #16
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    @gempop that bolded part is a symptom of some sort of psychotic thought pattern.

    It all started one night when I was lying in bed, and the thought "Fuck God" randomly popped into my head. Since then, I was convinced God hated me, that he was going to punish me horribly, that Satan would claim me as his own. I feared the dark and what might be lurking in it. I was afraid to sleep in case he killed me during the night. Even the mere thought of the word "god" when I was alone was enough to send me into blind panic and ocassionally tears. On the other side of the coin, I was also half convinced either god or satan would impregnate me and I'd give birth to some demon spawn. None of it made any sense and I recognised that but still couldn't shake it.
    that sort of having an idea(or seeing something) and making totally ridiculous deductions about it is pretty much what schizophrenia is about, but naturally its way worse because with schizophrenia this sort of delusional thought patterns happen all the time and feel more stronger, so strong that you might need to act on them. like for example if some schizophrenic(who is in really bad shape and doesent take any drugs) sees a red car and there is a short haired guy in it, and he saw earlier that week a bank robbery on news where the robber killed several people and escaped with a red car and had a short hair. he might be 100% sure that this guy he just saw is going to kill him, because he is a murderer from the bank, its obvious to him, he has a short hair and a red car, also he seems to look at you funny and he seems to drive recklessly(and that reckless driving might not be anything more than going bit too fast on a roundabout). but the biggest thing that this type of sick thoughts have no room for logic and any sort of logic against the sick thought will be rationalized somehow. if the bank robber got killed by cops, cops might had killed the wrong person, or the robber might have came back from the dead to punish you for watching him on tv, if the robber got caught, he obviously escaped from jail etc etc.

    like with the quote, there is a random thought, that has nothing to do with anything, but its connected to something totally unrelated and unrealistic and it has only little to even do with the original thought. oh and its also pretty common that someone(like my friend i talked about) can see that the thoughts arent real, but still cant drop them and they keep on haunting you, i think its more common after people get on meds after getting seriously ill, or maybe if it havent gone so bad yet.

    you clearly have(or have had, doesent make any difference on whether you should get treatment or not, because they can come back any time, especially if you get depressed or stuff like that) some sort of ill thought patterns, and you need to get rid of them or make sure you wont be getting them in the future(or just talk about them to someone so that they can diagnose them and if they go worse later, you already have someone who it is easy to go to). your previous symptoms show that you have high risk or developing something way way serious, since you have tendency for psychotic thoughts. it might only take one of the same sort of thoughts that you get stuck on(than what you had two years ago) to trigger something like schizophrenia. because that sort of thoughts are something like neurologically wrong in your brains and if you train these faulty thought patterns they get stronger and new faulty thought patterns can occur from them that can get stronger etc etc and then you can end up with your mind totally lost.

    but dont get too scared from this post, i doubt it wont happen soon since it didnt happen till now and might never happen, so just contact some doctor(a good one, bad one might just make things worse or might not be any help at all) and TELL YOUR PARENTS! no matter how hard it is. write a note that you hand to them if you cant open your mouth
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  7. #17
    Superwoman Red Herring's Avatar
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    Is or was your family very religious? That would explain some part of the two years you mentioned. Not in the sense that it's their fault or anything but why your fears would take a religious shape.

    Anyway, you should really see somebody. A GP would be best and seems warranted (you can use the lack of energy and general fatigue as a foot in the door bbut for god's sake DO mention the rest, a list is fine, but therapists actually have you fill in a form with lots of questions covering all sorts of areas the first time you walk in, for all I know), but if you want to avoid that, go see one of those university councelors. Every university has some kind of psychological service, right?

    If you want my impromtu layman analysis: This sounds like some form of clinical depression (don't know how severe, but definitely worth looking into!). That sounds very likely from what information you have given. As to the causes, that remains to be seen and you are the only one who can answer that. But I will venture a guess just from the few posts in this thread (let's see how far off I am):

    - parents under a lot of pressure, this rubs off on you, you don't want to be a burden
    - middle child with an older brother already at the university (pressure to perform) and a younger brother at home who is epileptic, which probably means he needs special attention from your parents, which means less for you (that's nothing to be ashamed of)
    - you are 19, living with your parents and just starting 3rd level education, that is leaving one world behind you and entering a new one, probably without knowing exactly what you want to do with your life and where you want to go
    - on top of that and despite your lack of energy, you do extracurricular activities like piano classes (assuming that's not what you study, which your background doesn't suggest), hopefully because you enjoy them, not because you are expected to take them...and you almost break down under the burden of them because you perceive them as just more perssure to perform.
    - you want to function, take pressure off your environment, not bother anybody and not be a burden to your loved ones (who would very, very likely get you to get f'cking help if they knew what is going on inside you!!!) and over all that, you forget to take care of yourself

    You mentioned the possibility of making an appointment with the councelor. Do that. First thing in the morning. It will take a good part of that weight off your shoulders, show you where you stand and give you some useful information. Knowing is always better, right? *gives Oefa an INTP sister nudge*
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  8. #18
    Senior Member Oeufa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Red Herring View Post
    Is or was your family very religious? That would explain some part of the two years you mentioned. Not in the sense that it's their fault or anything but why your fears would take a religious shape.
    Not so my father and older brother, but yes my mother is a very devout catholic and I was raised to be an active member of the church. I can't begin to describe the anger I felt for it after I became atheist for causing me to experience utter terror of something that never existed. More annoyed with myself though for being so silly.

    Quote Originally Posted by Red Herring
    - parents under a lot of pressure, this rubs off on you, you don't want to be a burden
    - middle child with an older brother already at the university (pressure to perform) and a younger brother at home who is epileptic, which probably means he needs special attention from your parents, which means less for you (that's nothing to be ashamed of)
    - you are 19, living with your parents and just starting 3rd level education, that is leaving one world behind you and entering a new one, probably without knowing exactly what you want to do with your life and where you want to go
    - on top of that and despite your lack of energy, you do extracurricular activities like piano classes (assuming that's not what you study, which your background doesn't suggest), hopefully because you enjoy them, not because you are expected to take them...and you almost break down under the burden of them because you perceive them as just more perssure to perform.
    - you want to function, take pressure off your environment, not bother anybody and not be a burden to your loved ones (who would very, very likely get you to get f'cking help if they knew what is going on inside you!!!) and over all that, you forget to take care of yourself
    Some hitting the mark, others not . But yeah, suffice to say there's lots of stress coming at me from various different parts of my life (for more details you can see an anon thread I started here a few days ago. And I'm not normally one who gets stressed... over anything .

    Thanks for the well wished though. I think I'll pop into the counselor's office tomorrow and see if I can make an appointment, though there might be a very long waiting list. Then again, this is the last week of class this semester so perhaps not.



    But no one thinks I'm perfectly fine, no?

    Ti>Ne>Si>Te>Fi>Ni>Se=Fe

    And yes, there are such things as INTPs who overuse emoticons

  9. #19
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    @gempop that bolded part is a symptom of some sort of psychotic thought pattern.
    Well i'm not so sure, i went through similar thought patterns... i don't think i was psychotic but i did get (and need) help.
    I believe a lot of people go through what could be described as psychotic thought patterns but often these people are able to talk to others so it does not get out of hand.
    Meds did not help me personally, either numbed me to a point i was out of touch with reality or made me feel more depressed/neurotic. I also had great difficulty talking to my parents in my teens.
    Sometimes our thoughts can escalate and isolating ones self will only help them escalate further.
    My point regarding talking to somebody trustworthy and grounded, was just so he/she can have an alternative (and trusted) perspective. One that is grounded.
    I think therapy would probably work out best but i suggested it as an option, with the thought in mind, that therapy were not possible.
    Not everyone can access therapy, personally i had to wait 14 months to get free therapy. They said they were not an emergency service and for emergencies i needed to go to the emergency centre for mental health. Theres no middle ground for crisis, it is lacking here.
    I also think that if there is help available from family members or trusted friends that this should be accessed immediately.
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  10. #20
    Senior Member guesswho's Avatar
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    You need to go to a doctor, and stop reading online stuff about mental illnesses you might have....because you seem like an anxious person, and reading that stuff might just fuel your anxiety.

    Also, thoughts popping in your head at night, just before going to sleep is normal, however the interpretation of the thought is abnormal.

    I don't know...don't overanalyze the thing and just go to a doctor.


    Quote Originally Posted by GemPOPGem View Post
    It sounds like depression more than anything else,
    yeah..

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