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  1. #41
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I know two people who have had gastric bypasses and, though I am not super close to them, it seems like it's been a good thing for them both overall.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  2. #42
    Don't Judge Me! Haphazard's Avatar
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    If you can get her sick a lot, she's sure to lose weight. That's what happened to me, anyway.
    -Carefully taking sips from the Fire Hose of Knowledge

  3. #43
    loopy Ulaes's Avatar
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    I read over the OP and realised that it made thigns look worse than they actually, although i know now that i was still coming from an erroneous perspective. i don't send her out on marches by herself or anything like that. i've never tried to get her to exercise by herself. My behaviour is very much like what cafe said. I'm just full of attitude and frustration and it came out in the OP. I overplayed my forcefulness.

    Quote Originally Posted by Chaotic Harmony View Post
    Hmm... When I was uncomfortable with my weight... The last place I wanted to go was the gym. I was so self conscious around all the buff skinny people there... I felt like they were all laughing at me, even though they weren't even looking my way.
    she's very much like that. i think that is part of the reason why she has given up on going to the gym, another part is that she's just gotten out of the routine and it's too hard to go back. The class that we used to take was very strenuous and that's not her thing.

    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    Your intentions are good and I know it's really hard to watch someone you love self-destruct, but she really is the only one who can help herself and she might choose not to do that. It's too bad and it's horrible that her husband treats her that way (how depressing and demoralizing would that be?), but we all have to make our own choices. All others can do is try to be supportive, which is what you've tried to do. Just love her, enjoy her, try to keep yourself from getting too stressed out by all this. It truly isn't your responsibility.
    it is a big adjustment to accept that last bit, that it isn't my responsibilty. But i don't think i'm shedding it anytime soon. As i've had time to let all this settle, i've found that my resolve is still standing, i can't get away from the 'do nothing = she'll get worse. do something = she'll get better' mentality. Apathy looks like this big, black psychotic monster that'll kill her slowly and painfully. Granted though, i'm being more ginger with her feelings. Sometimes when she wouldn't come walking with me, i'd get frustrated with her and get pushy.

    Basically, you're in a kind of co-dependent situation and it's not good for you.
    it's why i'm so frustrated, i'm invested in her health.
    You may have to deal with it similarly to how a healthy family member of an alcoholic needs to deal with their situation. Al-Anon suggests a kind ofdetachment.
    nice, link. it pretty much described me. i'm still having trouble letting go. no one else in the family looks like they will either but I'm the major catalyst in this, so if i do, they will to. if there was only one person who needed to be addressed about this, it'd be me. I'm considering it and am slowly being changed.

    Quote Originally Posted by Unkindloving View Post
    Also, assess if she is beating herself up over it, even when she is trying. This is probably one of the biggest issues in attempting to lose weight. People think that being negative toward themselves is a great motivator, but it backfires more often than not. This causes people to give up quickly because they kill all of their self confidence and drive for betterment. It even affects the people who do make progress, as a lot of them can't feel satisfied with what they've accomplished.
    i don't know what's going on within. that's part of the reason why i started teh thread, i hoped someone would be able to debug the overweight person and the ISFJ for me.
    i think she tends to live in the past rather than beat herself up.

    Quote Originally Posted by Randomnity View Post
    -drastic lifestyle changes tend to fail. Small steps will be less stressful and therefore more successful (e.g. make 1 healthy meal a week instead of eating out 7 days)
    That's happening but the ENTJ is a negative influence. He's also supportive of her attempt at weight loss, he blew thousands of dollars on a home gym that she doesn't use.

    -I bet she'd like a community pilates/yoga/dance/whatever class, then she can get the social aspect she wants and it'll be encouragement to show up every week. especially if a family member will join with her (and come ON, I know perfectly well you aren't all in perfect health, there's no need to treat her like a charity project - do it for yourself too)
    yes that's a good idea.
    the group thing is both attractive and a repulsive thing to her. i don't think she's the type to go track running but prefers group things and softer things. but she is also self conscious. and besides, that is what the thing with the gym was about. i was fine just running and not having to pay gym fees but i knew if i didn't join with her she wouldn't go. it was a big step for her to start going to the gym.

    -if she's seeing that physical activity isn't a part of her family's lives, she's going to be discouraged and depressed that "nobody else has to". Once you're involved in active, fun things, invite her along. even for a nature walk or something. your posts imply to me that you're all treating it like a chore instead of an opportunity for family bonding and entertainment
    we're already on that route. we have fit members in the family and they've influenced the overall openess to fitness and health in everyone else. We're always making group fitness things like bike rides and walks. Sometimes she'll ask me to go on a long walk with her.
    It seems i gave the wrong impression. i've never even considered making her go out by herself on "chore" exercises.

    I think a key thing with her weight is stress and unhappiness. her workplace stresses her out greatly, often it brings her to tears. i think food is one area that brings her temporary happiness when she can't get it anywhere else. i feel like i need to give something good for her to hold to in one hand, before i take the destructive eating away from the other hand. Yoga may be really productive, it's meant to have a good mental affect isn't it? Even if yoga doesn't make her loose much weight, it'll strenghten her muscles and she needs muscle strength now. she back problems and if she falls down a few stairs i'm sure she'd be hospitalised.
    Also, as you guys picked up, ENTJ adds to the stress. It's also her lifestyle.
    Last edited by Ulaes; 10-23-2010 at 12:20 AM.

  4. #44
    loopy Ulaes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synapse View Post
    body types

    I would also try to determine her body type, you know soma types sort of, to determine how her metabolism reacts.

    Personalty I feel while much of what is said is well meaning, its the wrong approach.

    I've mentioned this before but you know the hypothalamus is our set point and regulates body shape right! Which means that exercise and diets are going to have a yoyo effect because her metabolism is poorly functioning and that has a lot to do with her endocrine system. If she were to remove processed sugar from her diet and grains such as wheat for 6 months...her whole body weight would shift unquestionably. Its just getting her to do that.

    Forget about the exercise, until she can regulate her metabolism her motivation to want to exercise won't be there. She'll just do it to please others not for herself. There is an emotional element natrually, but there is another element and I've probably mentioned this too, increase her iodine and magnesium levels so that she can have more energy, maybe try to remove fluoride from tap water too. And also I would definitely try to gain a naturopaths advice on what kind of diet to follow. Because I'm pretty sure if you correct her lymphatic system her weight would restore itself much more smoothly.
    do you have personal experience with this actually working? i think she's either a lymphatic type or an android type, a combo of the two perhaps. i think she's mesomorphic aswell. maybe endomorph.

  5. #45
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    I doubt she's a mesomorph if she doesn't like to exercise and most of her hobbies are sedentary. I'm not even a full mesomorph, I'm meso-endo, and I CANT NOT BE AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT ACTIVE. Mesos tend to be active or at least ambitious/assertive people, even if they aren't athletic or have a habit of overeating.

    Endomorphs are more inclined to enjoy being sedentary and aren't as bothered by feelings of lethargy as mesomorphic and ectomorphic types.

  6. #46
    loopy Ulaes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    I doubt she's a mesomorph if she doesn't like to exercise and most of her hobbies are sedentary. I'm not even a full mesomorph, I'm meso-endo, and I CANT NOT BE AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT ACTIVE. Mesos tend to be active or at least ambitious/assertive people, even if they aren't athletic or have a habit of overeating.

    Endomorphs are more inclined to enjoy being sedentary and aren't as bothered by feelings of lethargy as mesomorphic and ectomorphic types.
    i think in her younger days, she used to routinely walk. she has very toned, muscular legs despite her body fat %. remember that she has baggage about being seen by others. idk, she might be endomorph.
    is there anything genetic about body types?
    she mostly gains weight like the android type, she's top heavy more than all over but the lymp type is still visible. i guess that explains away the legs.
    Last edited by Ulaes; 10-23-2010 at 12:21 AM.

  7. #47
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    Yes, I'm top heavy too. So is my mother, who is a meso-endo as well.

    Thing is, even though she was quite athletic as a younger woman - cheerleader, then dancer, then gym rat - she has put on weight as she's gotten older and can't exercise as vigorously because of a physical disability. HOWEVER, she's still a "busy" person...she'll run around and clean the house and DO things ...I still see a certain need for activity in her although it's no longer as athletic. She also shows concern for her diet and works to incorporate healthy recipes into her diet...in fact a lot that I know about good nutrition I learned from her. I think if my mother was ever truly "sedentary" she'd lose her mind.

    So, I'm thinking your ISFJ might be an endomorph. Of course, I don't know this to be a fact - it's just my opinion based on the information given.

  8. #48
    Senior Member Synapse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Edge View Post
    do you have personal experience with this actually working? i think she's either a lymphatic type or an android type, a combo of the two perhaps. i think she's mesomorphic aswell. maybe endomorph.
    Yes. I was 115kg once, probably not that much in context to some people but it was considerable for me to return back to a weight range of 85kg. At the time I was restoring my lymphs and found out I was hypothyroid. Then When I did go on a diet where I excluded sugar and grains, I'm 75kg now, my healthy weight. I always wondered why I was unable to lose weight at the gym, I went full on for years and couldn't loose a thing then the weight just went. My folks kept buying cloths that didn't fit thinking I'd become heavier but its not happening. Whatever I eat I don't put weight back on. I've tried, I emotionally eat sometimes when I am stressed but my weight stays constant now. Of course I have had a recent bout of candida from stress so I had to stay on diet even more.

  9. #49
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    Not sure if this has been suggested but you could ask her to go on holiday with you. Maybe just the two of you as you seem so willing to help, and also so she dosn't feel ganged up on.
    You could go and stay in a cottage, or a self catering apartment as a cheaper option... just as long as it is fairly secluded.
    Take lots of healthy meal ingredients (and lots of recipies) and make sure you both have three square meals a day.
    You could go for one week or two depending on your availability.
    It might give her the boost she needs plus you get to spend quality time together, and you can go hiking, swimming or do some other exercise while you are there.
    I think if she is serious about wanting to loose weight she would oblige.
    In situations like this i believe it's good to take people out of their stressful daily grind and show them there is an alternative.
    Also just to be safe, has she has tests for things like overactive thyroid? It would be good to check if there is a medical reason for the weight gain, although it does seem it's more lifestyle related.
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

  10. #50
    Senior Member Blown Ghost's Avatar
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    The best thing you can do is forget her and keep your own physique in top shape.

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