I can't bring myself to exercise anymore.
It hurts too much. It really does. And hurting is the only way I know it's working but I don't want it to hurt because it hurts. I don't know how I stood it back when I was in gym class because every time I think back to that class I only remember it as being horrifically painful, in pain every single fucking day of my life and nothing ever getting any better.
I can't do this anymore. I know I need to work out or else I'll be diabetic in like five years so I need to exercise but I can't because I think it will be horrifically painful like it was back then.
And I know it will be, because that's the only way I know it will work.
And because I know it will be, my body tenses into pretzels and it hurts even worse.
I am so weak. Even if it's 100% mental my mind is so weak.