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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by raz View Post
    This is just so much to take in. It means the Bipolar has been sitting there my entire life, and it starts to explain a lot. I'm just still scared and not sure what to do at this point.

    I keep wanting to just sit and cry or drink alcohol.
    There's no reason to be scared. Lots of people have bipolar disorder. We live in a day and age where you can have a relatively normal, functional life with bipolar disorder. It's just up to you whether or not you want to choose to cooperate with your doctor and participate in your own healthcare. I find that the most successful people who suffer from mental illness are those who are empowered to take care of themselves, do what they need to stay stable, and not wallow in it. Because there's always going to be those people who won't take their meds, or even if they do, they take on a victim mentality and use their illness as an excuse to not do things with their life. Ultimately you're still you.

    Drinking alcohol is something you shouldn't be doing. It's not going to make things better, in fact it will make the symptoms of your illness worse.

  2. #22
    Senior Member burymecloser's Avatar
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    Go easy on the alcohol for a while. Alcohol is a social drug, and it's never wise -- for anybody -- to drink when you're upset. Alcohol makes that kind of problem worse, not better. I know that's hard to stick with sometimes, but you'll be glad you did.

    Quote Originally Posted by raz View Post
    I've been prescribed the Lithium for 2 weeks. After 4-5 days on it, I started to feel less compelled to follow impulses and make plans to go out spending money on hookers. I didn't want that feeling to end, so I saw I had 3 Prozac pills left, and took those for 3 days so that I could have another weekend of fun. Then I resumed the Lithium this weekend when I ran out of Prozac.
    This is probably the stupidest advice I have ever given on this forum, but you might want to check out the movie "Mr. Jones", with Richard Gere. Came out in the '90s, and it's not really that great, but it portrays a protagonist with Bipolar 1, and the one thing I think it shows really well is the appeal of the manic episode. You have to be ready to give that up -- and for bipolar 1 in particular the ups can be more devastating than the downs -- in order to get some control over your emotions and your life. Anyway, maybe the movie can help you understand a little about what you're dealing with.

    Also, Orobas and marm are right: be careful with your meds, and don't switch around or stop taking anything without consulting a doctor. Combining Prozac and lithium probably is not a good idea. Lithium works for some people, but it carries a heavy risk of side effects, so you need to be careful with it. Are you still seeing the same doctor who had you diagnosed with major depression for so long? Getting the right doctor is really important, and I don't have a lot of faith in the person who put you on Prozac.

    Quote Originally Posted by raz
    It's just....scary. The psychiatrist said he was 98% sure, but he looked at my blood work, and I said, "so, this confirms I'm bipolar?" he said, "Not really yet" It just seems as if there's doubt still, and I want to know what we have to do to erase the doubt and figure out what's really going on. They said it was Bipolar 1.
    No kidding. After your story about switching back to Prozac for one more crazy weekend, I wouldn't have had to ask. That definitely sounds like mania.

    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    - getting into a regular sleep pattern in which I get ~ 8 hours of sleep a night
    Yes! This is very good advice.

    from bipolar-lives.com

    The bipolar sleep connection is confirmed by a substantial body of research.

    Sleep loss can trigger mania AND is also a strong predictor of impending mania. Too much sleep is a frequent symptom in bipolar depression. People with bipolar disorder can greatly benefit from monitoring their sleep and making an effort to make sure they stay in a regular sleep routine. Sleep disturbances are a key symptom of both mania and depression, AND an excellent early warning system of a mood change.
    Regulating your sleep pattern should noticeably help to stabilize your mood. If that's difficult for you, it might make sense to speak with your doctor about drugs that can help regulate your sleeping schedule.

    I hope nothing I've written here makes you any more worried or freaked out than you already are. Being bipolar doesn't mean you're broken or flawed, and learning about this is going to help you live a happier life. Good luck with everything. I know it's a lot to take in and deal with.
    i just want to be a sweetheart

  3. #23
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    There's no reason to be scared. Lots of people have bipolar disorder. We live in a day and age where you can have a relatively normal, functional life with bipolar disorder. It's just up to you whether or not you want to choose to cooperate with your doctor and participate in your own healthcare. I find that the most successful people who suffer from mental illness are those who are empowered to take care of themselves, do what they need to stay stable, and not wallow in it. Because there's always going to be those people who won't take their meds, or even if they do, they take on a victim mentality and use their illness as an excuse to not do things with their life. Ultimately you're still you.

    Drinking alcohol is something you shouldn't be doing. It's not going to make things better, in fact it will make the symptoms of your illness worse.
    Exactly. Have you seen the list of famous people with Bipolar? The amount of people who have made a significant contribution in their field is staggering. It does take strength to overcome the difficulties and focus Bipolar's gifts into something productive, but its certainly not out of reach.

    Remember Raz, this diagnosis is not some harsh sentence in itself. You have always had this and your knowing about it provides you with the valuable self-insight you have previously lacked. Its an explanation of your past behaviour that can bring validation. You now know that you are not a bad or weak person; that there is a good reason for why you have acted and suffered as you have. You can see the heart of the problem now and, for the first time, have the opportunity to properly address it. There are real options that have opened up that weren't available to you prior to a diagnosis. This means you now have the chance to truly move forward and live a healthier, happier life, in ways you couldn't have possibly achieved in the past.

    I certainly do not mean to diminish the things you must be going through right now. I can't possibly imagine what you must be feeling. But I don't want you to think this is the end of your life. There are many people out there with Bipolar who live normal, happy lives - and you can too.

  4. #24
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    It's been rough the last few days, going over everything that's happened in the last 5 months. I thought I had the depression from several years ago under control and I was moving on from it, but for the past 2 years, I felt like there was still something wrong that I couldn't shake. I started feeling depressed again and it led to massive amounts of anxiety which started the antidepressants in December.

    When I talked to the doctor in December, he said we weren't treating another depression case, that it was mostly anxiety. I tried to believe him, but it felt like more. Now I'm just mad that he tried to disregard it as anxiety, and now we're treating bipolar. I thought about the errors in the diagnosis 5 months ago and 5 years ago, and it made me so mad that I wanted to punch a wall.

    My psychiatrist only wants to see me once a month, but I have to make an appointment with the therapist ASAP, because each day is very hard and I need help to make it through this. I just feel like everything is so confusing and going all over the place. I ended up getting a speeding ticket earlier this week, and then my 2nd open containers citation friday night.

    I know that the drinking has to end, but it's just so hard to stop it because everything is so hard right now and it provides some temporary relief. I'm trying to work on it. It's just difficult. Very difficult. I got written up at work Friday for telling too many details about the hookers to a coworker. After, I spent 15 minutes in the bathroom crying my eyes out, because I felt like I had broken such a vital personal rule. I wanted to just sit and die. It felt like a nightmare.

    I feel the mania coming to an end, but it's still slightly there and I'm starting to want it back badly. I still feel the urges at times, but then luckily, my normal judgment is returning and I'm telling myself, "this is a bad decision." Twice in the last week, I was able to actually say to myself, "This is not a good idea to spend that kind of money on a prostitute." and I stopped myself, and went to a strip club instead. I'm changing things...slowly.


  5. #25
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Try meditation. No seriously, it's better that it appears at first glance.

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    Try meditation. No seriously, it's better that it appears at first glance.
    Learning to simply observe one's thoughts and feelings, without acting...has been very beneficial for me. Seems meditation of the mindfulness variety is becoming more popular as an exploration within the field of psychology.

  7. #27
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    I fucked up again tonight. I took my meds yesterday morning, then my sister yelled at me for switching the time of day I took them again. So, I was waiting until tonight to take them again. By the time noon came around, I was walking around my store feeling sad, confused, angry and wanting to run away. I went outside, called my parents and they brought the Lithium to me immediately. Within 10 minutes, I felt better.

    Then the problem started at 5:30 as the store was closing. I suddenly got a burst of energy. I was planning on going to a restaurant next door, getting a salad and a pina colada, then heading home or out to dinner with my family. Instead, as closing time came closer, I started wanting to go to the strip club, or find another prostitute, or head out to a club downtown. I headed out, and got a beer and energy drink at a gas station.

    As soon as I got to a wifi spot, I went online and even though I had just over enough money for a hooker, I just said fuck it and went with it. After I got done with her, I started wanting money for fun, and I needed it badly. I instantly knew my bank had an overdraft protection allowing withdrawals over the limits or past the balance. So, I stopped at an ATM and even though I had next to no available cash on my credit and debit card, I was able to use the overdraft to take out $400. So, I went off to the strip club.

    A voice in the back of my head told me I was making a huge mistake, but I kept saying, "I don't care. my family will help me pick up the pieces, and in the meantime, I'm having a night on the town." I went in the strip club, getting dances, ordering drinks and food, acting like a king. I ordered the girls around like servants.

    I left a few hours later, and found another prostitute online. After I left her at midnight, I started to regret everything I had just done. I had torn my bank account to pieces and I began to feel like shit. I called my family and they talked to me at home, and just reassured that they were going to help me through everything and get the help I needed.


  8. #28
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    Raz - I think you're having a mixed episode. They're very dangerous. I wish you would tell someone. I feel that you need to be in better care right now and that it's irresponsible for your psychiatrist to be allowing you run around doing these things while you aren't stabilized. Have you told your psychiatrist what you're telling us?

  9. #29
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    i think i might re-take meds. i had been on zoloft from 17 to 25 ish. hated them. made me dry like spock. also made my ass big. tough business trying to maintain without them though.

  10. #30
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    I agree with marm here... sounds more like a mixed episode than mania, and those SUCK
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

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