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Promoting emotional Well Being, a different type of work out....

tinkerbell

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This thread is aimed at promoting self esteem and working on the building blocks of possitive esteem.

It's a big job more time than I have to spend on it......so it will require participants to help maintain the momentum and keep it going.

What is the requirment...

First thing you need to do is set yourself a reward... something you can have at the end of the week. Nothing to flash or expensive... ideally just a treat....
Instead of running to work with a carry out coffee, stay in the coffee shop and read a paper/do the cross word / ive yourself time to enjoy it

Or treat yourself to a manicure
Or treat yourself to flowers
Or treat yourself to a bubble bath with a nice magazine
Or a beer, or a magazine you wouldn't normally buy

Or something else that makes you feel like you are valuing yourself.

Ideally post this in order to share your experiences...

Second (which you don't have to do) is to try and break down how you have been feeling in the last few weeks...
I don't have classifications but you can invent some for yourself..
Happy 20%
excited 10%
gloomy 30%
anxious 30% etc

You can choose to post this/abstain, but it would be good for you to know...you may want to PM yourself... so at some point in the future you can see how you have progressed

Next comes your homework... your weight training for self esteem.....
 

tinkerbell

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Ok your weekly work out...

During the week ahead you need to find things you feel you did well. Stuff you notice that other people wouldn't nessesarily comment on.

For instance, rembering to pick up your dry cleaning, or take the garbage out on collection day, or making the earlier bus, squeezing into a tight parking space, or having patience with a diffcult situation, remembering to return your library books, not runnign out of milk or loo roll, etc etc...

Ideally clock things that are not BIG achievments but small things that just happen in day to day life... The things need to be ideally recognised by yourself and not things that other people are likely to see acheivements... but for you they are.

What we are doing is identfying tiny personal acheivements AND VALUING THEM!

If by next week you can identify 3 mini wins, you must give yourself that treat... make sure you unplug and relish the treat you are giving yourself....
 

tinkerbell

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For me:

My treat.... next weekend I'll buy myself some flowers if I clock up my wins...

This week I've been unusally anxious, unnnessesarily so because I started a new job (everyone is lovely but I'd talked myself into feeling up tight).

Happy 20%
Anxious 50%
Annoyed/Angry 10%
Calm 10%
Content 10%

This week I will look for mini wins one of which may be not bailing on catching up with someone for drinks.
 

BerberElla

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Thanks for making this thread Tinkerbell, I'm definately interested and excited to actually be trying out something that could help improve on my self esteem.

I do treat myself to the whole pampering thing sometimes, but never as a reward for actually doing something, and yet when I have managed to do something I had been putting off, I have felt better about me.

So, this week :

Happy 20%
Anxious 30%
Sad/unhappy 30%
Angry 20%

And if we were rating our self esteem level for the week 1 < > 10 (low being next to no self esteem and high being a good week) I would score my week as being pure 1.


Ok, so the idea is to report back at the end of the week with hopefully 3 mini wins for a reward? :)
 

tinkerbell

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Hey Berb,

What reward are you going to give yourself?

A biggie... you are not allowed to belittle your own mini wins the whole point is that other people might see them as being trivial but they are things you apprecaite.

Good luck on hitting the 3
as an FYI for a good few weeks we will be doing this
 

ergophobe

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Very cool idea. I'm with you in spirit, will come back when I've had a chance to get home, settle down and sort through feelings for the week. I'd like to work more on just being aware of feelings rather than self-esteem. Would that be okay and within the purview of the exercise? Thanks!
 

tinkerbell

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Very cool idea. I'm with you in spirit, will come back when I've had a chance to get home, settle down and sort through feelings for the week. I'd like to work more on just being aware of feelings rather than self-esteem. Would that be okay and within the purview of the exercise? Thanks!

Yes of course... it's all about promoting wider well being as well as self esteem, begining to recognise different emotional states can be as much part of it...
 

BerberElla

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Hey Berb,

What reward are you going to give yourself?

A biggie... you are not allowed to belittle your own mini wins the whole point is that other people might see them as being trivial but they are things you apprecaite.

Good luck on hitting the 3
as an FYI for a good few weeks we will be doing this

I hadn't actually thought that far ahead lol :blush: but I think I like the idea of sitting in a cafe with a crossword and a hot chocolate as my reward, since I never actually sit down, but just grab and run.

There is this nice cafe that opened up not so long ago, near where I live, I keep promising myself I'm going to go in there, so as a reward it would be perfect. :)
 

tinkerbell

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I hadn't actually thought that far ahead lol :blush: but I think I like the idea of sitting in a cafe with a crossword and a hot chocolate as my reward, since I never actually sit down, but just grab and run.

There is this nice cafe that opened up not so long ago, near where I live, I keep promising myself I'm going to go in there, so as a reward it would be perfect. :)

Perfect, really really perfect... you can now look forward to it :)
 

ergophobe

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Edited : Friday 16 October

This week:
Stressed/Anxious: 40%
Frustrated with myself: 20%
Happy: 10%
Excited: 10%
Calm/content: 20%

Reward: buy the wallet I've wanted if I:
1. finish revisions to paper
2. clean part of office
3. stick to bedtime routine



Broader goal - living more in the present.
 
Last edited:

tinkerbell

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check in for the week...

Most of the week I had pretty low anxiety... until yesterday then it went off the chart.

I was loved up on Thursday - which is exceptional for me... and insecure earlier in the week... so a week of highs and lows.

My three tiny wins...
I may a person fly in PowerPoint - yea me...
I manage to make it through the summer without working without serious financial screw ups (which is probably too big for here, but hey I was impressed).
I coped with weak two a work without any serious stuff up....

I got my reward, but kept it low key and got three stems of Lillies which are beutiful, low key because I don't know if I will be around next weekend.... they still need to open so I will enjoy them all next week :)

OK my week ahead...I thought about getting a manicure next weekend, but to be honest I always find the butcher my nails... so I need to dream one up and gt back to you.... hmmmm

How did you guys do?

Just to give you the big picture... we will be doing this every week for a good while and then be adding to it... but the main thing is getting you in the habit of valuing your contributions to your own life without belittling them.
 

runvardh

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Kind of still unclear on what a mini-win is...
 

ergophobe

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Tinkerbell - just following up without judgment. Did you go out for drinks? Will you be doing that sometime?

At my end:
1. Cleaned room. Feel so much better about my place. Yay!
2. Got quite a bit of work done yesterday which is an achievement given the mental and physical exhaustion I feel from travel and having my sleep cycle off.
3. Said no to something fun for Sunday because it would be two fun things that day which in my own view becomes a form of escapism and anxiety creating instead of enjoyable. Now I can work in the morning and take the evening off!

Tackling revisions tomorrow.
 

tinkerbell

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Kind of still unclear on what a mini-win is...

Well its what ever you think you did that you would normally forget or be bad at... bad habit breakers or things you would forget...

It could be remembering to pick up the dry cleaning or put out the garbage on the right day or at all... or pay a bill or something... not running out of milk etc...

I think mine were a bit bit for mini wins but I'v just started a new job so small stuff isn't a big focus... but hey I gave myself the flowers all the same...

Basically order for the week is to pick a reward... mine was buying flowers (could be a manicure, giving yourself 1/2 to drink the coffee in the coffee shop, go out for a long walk).... what ever the reward is you need to exprience it with a presnce of mind... so you get the most out of it...

Once you have your reward set, you come back next weekend and let us know if you can find three things you did well during the week (the smaller the thing the better). Basically we are trying to build the habit of valuing small achievements as part of your nomal life... it takes a while to get into it... some weeks you will be in a state of "I sulk" others it will be really easy, right now focus on winning your reward...

In a few weeks time once the habit starts we will make some headway into ways we block self esteem.... I'm no expert I'm just trying to build better self valument habits..
 

tinkerbell

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Tinkerbell - just following up without judgment. Did you go out for drinks? Will you be doing that sometime? At my end:
1. Cleaned room. Feel so much better about my place. Yay!
2. Got quite a bit of work done yesterday which is an achievement given the mental and physical exhaustion I feel from travel and having my sleep cycle off.
3. Said no to something fun for Sunday because it would be two fun things that day which in my own view becomes a form of escapism and anxiety creating instead of enjoyable. Now I can work in the morning and take the evening off!

Tackling revisions tomorrow.

No my reward wasn't a few drink, my reward was to buy myself some flowers... which yes I did and one of them opened this morning (you see flowers are a big treat because you get a mini reward every time a flower opens) :)


Now you have your 3 wins, what is your reward... nothing too big, we're trying to build good habits that don't require a change of life....

Also pick a reward for the week ahead....



The cycle - route map first few weeks
  • pick a reward
  • end of week - report 3 mini wins
  • reward yourself and pick next weeks reward
  • If you are OK about doing it publically report how you have been emotionally in the past week.


After we've begun building that into our normal life we will tackle blocks etc... so be adding to the cycle (not replacing it)... the cycle needs to become a personal habit. :)
 

ergophobe

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For me:

My treat.... next weekend I'll buy myself some flowers if I clock up my wins...

This week I will look for mini wins one of which may be not bailing on catching up with someone for drinks.

This is what I was referring to. You are such an ENP, my friend, forgetting what you wrote a few days ago :wink:

No my reward wasn't a few drink, my reward was to buy myself some flowers... which yes I did and one of them opened this morning (you see flowers are a big treat because you get a mini reward every time a flower opens) :)


Now you have your 3 wins, what is your reward... nothing too big, we're trying to build good habits that don't require a change of life....

Also pick a reward for the week ahead....



The cycle - route map first few weeks
  • pick a reward
  • end of week - report 3 mini wins
  • reward yourself and pick next weeks reward
  • If you are OK about doing it publically report how you have been emotionally in the past week.


After we've begun building that into our normal life we will tackle blocks etc... so be adding to the cycle (not replacing it)... the cycle needs to become a personal habit. :)

Will report tomorrow with reward and plan for next week.
 

avolkiteshvara

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Gotta include some negative conditioning for negative thoughts.

Both positive and negative Cog/Behavioral.
 

tinkerbell

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This is what I was referring to. You are such an ENP, my friend, forgetting what you wrote a few days ago :wink:



Will report tomorrow with reward and plan for next week.

Ah I thought you meant Slippy's comment, Ok no she cancelled on me...:) she wasn't well.... Actually we were suppose to go out today but we didn't do it either, and have opted to be spontaneous - she is an ENFP.... LOL

I need to think up a reward too..... hmmmm
 
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