This is how it all went down
Director of the research facility steps into Dr. Zarrintan lab.
"Dr. Zarrintan, the company issued you half a million dollars for your hay fever research and it has been almost 6 months, yet there still haven't been any breakthroughs... not only that, you never even turned in the required bimonthly reports!"
"Well, it's been... uh, very busy here... very busy. There are uh, still things, that I am ... uh, you know, collating with my colleagues.."
"Why is your lab is in such disarray? There are empty beer cans, pizza boxes, all sorts of litter... discarded napkins... bottles of hand lotion.... bottles of hand lotion?!?!"
"Uh... no... well uh, you see"
"HAVE YOU BEEN MASTURBATING IN THE LAB, DR Zarrintan???!?!"
"Actually, now that you mention it, it was all part of the research. I will have a report ready for you first thing tomorrow."