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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by FineLine View Post
    Actually, I think anything (trait, fault, etc.) is at least negotiable. Even if I can't deliver precisely what my wife wants from me, I might be able to give her something else. You never know the relative value of things until you sit down and dicker a bit.
    I just want to add:

    Sometimes problems arise because the romance has drained out of the marriage a bit. We're more forgiving early in the relationship when we're still fresh and new to each other, and more critical of each other in the later years.

    Many problems can be solved by simply heading out in town, going dancing, and courting each other a bit again. A little romancing goes a long way. If we've gotten out of the habit and it feels silly or awkward to act like love-struck kids again, then we make a game of it. But one way or the other, it's always good to make that effort and get back in the habit of really liking each other's company.

    FL

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Natrushka View Post
    I thought about this today, mainly because I had to deal with it today. Stress is a killer for me and right now I'm stressed at work with a nasty deadline that's been looming for 6 or 7 weeks. Between that stress, having my in-laws over yesterday and skipping a dose of meds / hormones, I was a basket case last night - panic attack time.

    I should have known it was coming; I've known deep down that I've been hanging on by a thread for a few days now. I do the denial thing. Pretend it's OK so no one gets worried or upset and hope it will be OK.

    I keep it in around my husband (Ironically, SJ) because I think know he doesn't understand half the time what's wrong. I swear he thinks I'm just being difficult on purpose. So I feel a tad guilty about not letting him know how I'm feeling - especially when he'll tell me how he's feeling before he tells himself. So we discussed that today as well.

    I'm also insensitive a lot of the time - his exact words to me yesterday. This is something we've discussed at length. I'm not a fan of his immediate family, at least not on some days and I'm not really good with groups of people to beging with. So I try harder with them, because I know he's right, I can be incredibly insensitive, and I know it matters to him that I'm not with his sister and BIL. Of course he'd like me to be sensitive and caring to the mailman, hence the discussion and laying down of just who gets the extra special effort.

    MB is something that's of interest to me because I need to know how other people think and why they do what they do. I've explained that to him as well; he's said to me recently "Oh you're just using that to rationalize bad behaviour" which kind of shocked me. I'm using to better understand why we don't see eye to eye on things and where problems errupt so I can not get upset with him and so I can modify my behaviour so it doesn't make him so crazy.
    I understand. I have found that when an INTJ is under pressure, all hell breaks loose. When your balance is off; everything is off. INTJs are such high achievers and are constantly striving for excellence that it is easy for them to get burned out. My advice (for what it's worth) is to get a less stressful job that lets you work autonomously. Live a modest lifestyle and you will be much happier.

  3. #33
    Pareo cattus Natrushka's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Economica View Post
    Any INXJs out there who have overcome this problem want to recount how they did it?
    Detachement helps. Remembering to be detached is also a bonus

    This signature left intentionally blank.

    Really.

  4. #34
    Pareo cattus Natrushka's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zhash View Post
    I understand. I have found that when an INTJ is under pressure, all hell breaks loose. When your balance is off; everything is off. INTJs are such high achievers and are constantly striving for excellence that it is easy for them to get burned out. My advice (for what it's worth) is to get a less stressful job that lets you work autonomously. Live a modest lifestyle and you will be much happier.
    I'm ready to retire; that would help

    My job has periods of incredible stress, like this one. However there hasn't been a stretch like it in about 18 months.

    Your advice is well taken, though. In future, there will be a 'no-socializing zone' set up around such releases.

    This signature left intentionally blank.

    Really.

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