Moods

[INTJMom]

My moods vary quite a bit.
I feel my feelings very strongly but don't usually feel safe to show them.
When I'm not depressed, I'm usually cheerful.

 

[Anja]

Oh boy, do I hear that!

It's amazing how many people start a confrontation with the phrase, "You're making me feel ____________."

It's such a statement of powerlessness when you think about it.

There are a lot of people who don't understand that the feelings come from them and belong to them.

And, yeah, it is their responsibility to deal with them!

Some people never get it and spend their lives with their mood state dependent on other people's behavior. Not a good place to be.

Edit: This post was in respnse to Wolfy's last post.

 

[heart]

It's amazing how many people start a confrontation with the phrase, "You're making me feel ____________."

It's such a statement of powerlessness when you think about it.

There are a lot of people who don't understand that the feelings come from them and belong to them.

And, yeah, it is their responsibility to deal with them!

Some people never get it and spend their lives with their mood state dependent on other people's behavior. Not a good place to be.

Edit: This post was in respnse to Wolfy's last post.

I only agree with this up to a point. If I am living with someone or being a co-worker and I am perpetually in a bad mood, venting anger, venting sadness or being constantly critical I will be affecting the people around me. To deny this is, is to be irresponsible and narcissistic.

Sure, they can distance themselves to some degree, but I am putting a heavy burden on their energy by expecting them to do so. No human is truly an island, no matter how much we might want to be at times.

 

[Anja]

What I said, heart.

 

[heart]

What I said, heart.

I read what you said and it sounds like you are saying individuals are always 100 percent responsible for how their environments make them feel, no matter how insane or toxic those environments are.

Ideally yes, but it can take a lot of emotional energy to constantly be overcoming someone else's emotionalism poured into our environment and how many of us are superhuman? Sure we should always strive to overcome our enviroment but we cannot escape the responsiblity of how of the environment we create around us affects others and simply tell others "It's not my fault my constant bad mood makes you feel awful."

There's a middle path in there.

 

[Anja]

Yes, there is.

And ultimately one can do little to change others.

 

[heart]

Yes, there is.

And ultimately one can do little to change others.

It's true that we can't change others, but it's also true that we're each responsible for what we put out in the atmosphere around us. Psychology mantras talk can't do anyway with the need and responsiblity for basic consideration.

 

[Anja]

At the risk of turning this into another heart/Anja show, I'll respond once again that you are repeating what I already said in another way.

Yes, yes, yes, I agree with you.

 

[heart]

At the risk of turning this into another heart/Anja show, I'll respond once again that you are repeating what I already said in another way.

Yes, yes, yes, I agree with you.

I didn't read it that way at all, but if you say now that was what you meant, then okay that was what you meant.

I don't get your "another heart/Anja show" comment except as some sort of passive aggressive dig because I've dared disagree with something you said and you're taking it personally. It's not personal.

The reason why I responded as I did is that I don't like "feel good" mantras that encourage emotional fakeness. I tend to think that most people who claim to be impervious to the moods of people around them are fooling themselves. Meanwhile inside, underneath they are being driven just as crazy and it comes out in underhanded, subconscious ways.

 

[ajblaise]

Uh oh, two INFP's going at each other?! I've never seen this in the wild before, goddammit where's my binocs?

 

[heart]

Uh oh, two INFP's going at each other?! I've never seen this in the wild before, goddammit where's my binocs?

Relax. It's happened before and it will happen again. :rolli:

 

[Jack Flak]

YES, RELAX. NOW.

 

[ajblaise]

I'll try to relax.... at least until Anja delivers her devastating counter punch.

 

[01011010]

Moody? Not really.

 

[wolfy]

Anja
There are a lot of people who don't understand that the feelings come from them and belong to them.
And, yeah, it is their responsibility to deal with them!
Some people never get it and spend their lives with their mood state dependent on other people's behavior. Not a good place to be.


heart
If I am living with someone or being a co-worker and I am perpetually in a bad mood, venting anger, venting sadness or being constantly critical I will be affecting the people around me. To deny this is, is to be irresponsible and narcissistic.


You both do seem to be saying the same thing. Your angles or point of focus are slightly different.

anja You are responsible for controlling your moods.

heart Irresponsibility in controlling your moods is wrong.

Am I right?

The middle way is the right way.

 

[nolla]

anja You are responsible for controlling your moods.

heart Irresponsibility in controlling your moods is wrong.

Am I right?

That's not all. There is something like a big principle here: Anja thinks that you alone are responsible for your feeling. I think like this sometimes when applying morals on myself (For example, it is pointless for me to blame other people for how my life is. I am the only one who can change it). Heart on the other hand says that you can't be responsible for your feelings completely, since there are people who poison the atmosphere. This also means that you are responsible for other people's feelings. I actually agree more with Heart's way of thinking since it would be silly of me (and probably harmful to me) to blame myself for feeling miserable if I was in a poisonous atmosphere. The thing I should blame myself about is that I don't leave, or do something to make the atmosphere better.

Somehow I think that both Anja and Heart have learned their attitude through experience, which means they are not easily convinced otherwise.

 

[Orangey]

My mood is pretty consistent. I have my moments (like in the morning, which is the time when I'm most likely to hate the world), but for the most part I stay in one mid-level mood range without deviating to extremes very often. It usually takes a very significant event to get me into a funk, and I rarely feel outright jubilant for more than a few seconds after experiencing something wonderful.

 

[wolfy]

That's not all. There is something like a big principle here: Anja thinks that you alone are responsible for your feeling. I think like this sometimes when applying morals on myself (For example, it is pointless for me to blame other people for how my life is. I am the only one who can change it). Heart on the other hand says that you can't be responsible for your feelings completely, since there are people who poison the atmosphere. This also means that you are responsible for other people's feelings. I actually agree more with Heart's way of thinking since it would be silly of me (and probably harmful to me) to blame myself for feeling miserable if I was in a poisonous atmosphere. The thing I should blame myself about is that I don't leave, or do something to make the atmosphere better.

Somehow I think that both Anja and Heart have learned their attitude through experience, which means they are not easily convinced otherwise.

It depends on how you look at the word responsible. Responsibility means the ability to respond to me. It's not whether or not the environment has affected the situation but my ability to respond.
Responsibility can be used to mean blame and accountability or the ability to take initiative.

I agree with both of them.

No matter how thin you slice it there's always two sides.

 

[INTJMom]

Anja
There are a lot of people who don't understand that the feelings come from them and belong to them.
And, yeah, it is their responsibility to deal with them!
Some people never get it and spend their lives with their mood state dependent on other people's behavior. Not a good place to be.


heart
If I am living with someone or being a co-worker and I am perpetually in a bad mood, venting anger, venting sadness or being constantly critical I will be affecting the people around me. To deny this is, is to be irresponsible and narcissistic.


You both do seem to be saying the same thing. Your angles or point of focus are slightly different.

anja You are responsible for controlling your moods.

heart Irresponsibility in controlling your moods is wrong.

Am I right?

The middle way is the right way.

I'm pretty sure what heart was saying is...... yeah I'm responsible for my own feelings, but sometimes a person I am with can be so toxic that they truly do make me feel bad, and it is their fault that I feel bad.

I agree with heart that such a thing can happen, especially if a person is an "F". I have an ENFJ son, and part of his profile reads that he will feel bad if other kids in the class get yelled at. If he's in an environment with negativity, it will affect him.

I've heard that stuff before for "taking responsibility for your own feelings". My mother is a perfect example of someone always blaming me for her feelings. Was she not the adult in charge?! Was she not the mature person in authority over me?! Was she not the only person who had real control and power?! Yet I am to blame for "making her mad"?! I don't think so. After I became I mother, I found out it is my responsibility to teach my kids to obey. Her bad mothering skills were not my fault.

Another fine example of blaming other people for your feelings is the way the stereotypical wife beater will say, "It's your fault I hit you because you made me mad." That's just wrong.

 

[violaine]

...If he's in an environment with negativity, it will affect him.

^I don't do well with that either. Especially if there's nothing I can do about it, it affects me physically ime. Yesterday I was trying to have a nice quiet lunch and I was seated near a mother and daughter having a very nasty argument, bleh, it actually took away my appetite.

I am not outwardly moody and my mood never really runs to outright anger much. But I think I inhabit a lot of feeling states during the day.... and I try to cultivate certain states too, (mostly the feeling of being happy to be alive and connected to the world.)