Manifestations of Anxiety

[locke]

I'd like to start by saying I'm planning on changing my MBTI best-fit type to INFJ. Otherwise my observations would be moot.

Because Edahn asked that there be no type talk in his thread, I'm starting a separate one.

I figured out that the reason I don't like not feeling good about people is that I think I'm supposed to, and that not feeling good is a sign of anxiety, and that in my mind I force myself to fix that instantaneously.

This could correspond to Fe.

Even if I haven't consciously thought about them projecting on me, I have done this also. For me it feels like, if I don't keep myself in check, no one will and it's going chaotic. Sometimes it might seem like I don't care, but it is just me trying to maintain at least some level of prudence.

This could correspond to Te.

When I'm concerned about people liking me I tend to want to be exciting, witty and spontaneous. I usually end up failing at this, embarassing myself and offending others, or focusing so intently on this that I make myself a nervous wreck and still can't think of anything to say. I guess if I could pinpoint my anxiety it's that I'm afraid I'm boring.

This could correspond to Se.

***

When you look at the overall picture of wanting to be liked, to be welcomed and accepted as a part of the group is definitely a function of the Fe process as mentioned in the other thread. But the way we describe our anxieties tends to point towards our inferior function, so it's more than just Fe involved here. I'm not sure why, but it seems for some reason we feel we need to use our weakest function to be accepted. I'm also not sure if this stems from the anxiety or causes it. I have no experience with psychology, so if anyone who's actually studied this stuff in depth would like to step in?

 

[Totenkindly]

I tend to see it as also involving a weak Ego (as per Freud), which I would think corresponded partly with weak Fi since Fi is concerned about doing what is right for oneself and others on the individual level.

People with strong Fi have a strong sense of self and that imprints morality on all their acts; they can do things that others might not like because they hold values that includes the self as legitimate and not selfish.

Yet one interesting thing is that INFPs seem to be susceptible when younger to self-doubt and NOT being able to stick up for the self. So I think there are probably alternate pathways to being able to assert oneself in relationships, and I think Te people might have it a little easier (their self-legitimacy comes through their efficacy, for example, not really an exploration of the validity of the self-image), and Fi people are vulnerable early on because they are driven straight into thinking in terms of self-identity from the start. But once they work through it, they become very strong and can push back adequately to maintain a sense of legitimate self.

 

[EJCC]

I think Te people might have it a little easier (their self-legitimacy comes through their efficacy, for example, not really an exploration of the validity of the self-image), and Fi people are vulnerable early on because they are driven straight into thinking in terms of self-identity from the start. But once they work through it, they become very strong and can push back adequately to maintain a sense of legitimate self.

Do you mean "Te people" as in people with a dominant Te function? Or are you sticking with the idea in the OP about a person's weakest function dominating? Because I'm not sure which of these two descriptions applies to me.

Either way, I don't really get anxious about wanting people to like me (i.e. worrying "Do they like me or not?"). I'm an independent person, and as long as I have my friends, I'm fine.

I do, however, get very anxious when I know people don't like me. I feel uncomfortable, and later I feel acutely sad (and brood in my own memories/thoughts about my inadequacy as a person and as a friend), and I'm not very good at dealing with these feelings, so I usually either 1. try my best to ignore the person and then forget about it, or 2. get away from the person as soon as possible and then forget about it.

I also can be very focused on my appearance; I kind of obsess about looking good sometimes. But it's not to impress others. I'm a worse critic than my peers, most of the time - but, contrary to descriptions of my type, I am very critical of myself as well as of others.

Edit: This last bit is certainly related to being an SJ, but the rest, I suppose, is related to being a T. Not sure what's related to being a dominant Te vs. weak (4th) Fi.

 

[amorali]

Comment in the middle is like me. Though keeping myself in check in more kneejerk than attempted.
Informative post. Thanks.

 

[locke]

Comment in the middle is like me. Though keeping myself in check in more kneejerk than attempted.
Informative post. Thanks.

Mind if I ask how you determined your MBTI type?