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View Poll Results: How often do you have suicidal thoughts?

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114. You may not vote on this poll
  • Once a week or more.

    15 13.16%
  • Once a month or more.

    17 14.91%
  • Once a year or more.

    13 11.40%
  • Once every few years.

    8 7.02%
  • Once or twice in my life.

    26 22.81%
  • Never.

    35 30.70%
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Results 191 to 200 of 203

  1. #191
    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
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    The idea has always sounded illogical to me.

    I have some intellectual curiosity though. Even read some websites about it.
    -----------------

    A man builds. A parasite asks 'Where is my share?'
    A man creates. A parasite says, 'What will the neighbors think?'
    A man invents. A parasite says, 'Watch out, or you might tread on the toes of God... '


    -----------------

  2. #192
    Glycerine
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    I am highly amused that this a public poll.

  3. #193
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Every few years or so, I'll remember that the possibility exists, then I'll consider it for five seconds or so, and then I'll remember what a shitty idea it is. Less shitty if I were utterly alone in the world, but it would hurt my friends and family so much that it wouldn't be worth it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Glycerine View Post
    I am highly amused that this a public poll.
    Yeah, I was pretty shocked by that! But I guess, if people didn't want others to know their answer, they wouldn't have answered... the public poll warning was there from the beginning.
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
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    want to ask me something? go for it!

  4. #194
    Retired Nicki's Avatar
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    Around 2 days every month, I consider suicide but then I realize that I have a lot to live for and if I really wanted to end my life, I should have fun while I'm at it, not down a couple of pills.

  5. #195
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
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    I voted "once or twice in my life." I guess I'd mark it as 2.5, actually.

    Once, when I was 17, recovering from anorexia nervosa, generally trying to break away from all the damaging things in my life. One could've called that disorder a slow, controlled suicide, in of itself. I recall blacking out in study hall when I stood up too fast, & being okay with the idea afterward, that I might not wake up. Through adolescence there was a strong will to try to find myself, & push past the self destructive programming, but the will to truly live only won out when I learned to begin to truly care for myself as a human being, separate from anyone else. I'd left the abusive hell I lived in for so long, & the transition into surviving on my own wasn't easy- and even on my own, I was still running. I got tired. The winter I was 17, I went to a remote area in the woods beyond the city I'd hidden in- and tried to take my own life with a straight razor to each wrist. Was just so tired. Empty. Surprising how heavily that can weigh on you.

    I can't say precisely what shifted, in those minutes, but as I sat, staring at the blood, feeling the chill in the air.. all I wanted was the warmth.
    Just a base, core instinct to just.. stop. And go.
    I tied socks around each wrist & hid them beneath my coat. Walked to a drugstore & bought a small First Aid kit.
    Butterfly closures, some gauze & tape over that.
    Went back to the apt I'd been staying, spoke to my roommates like nothing happened. Went to bed.

    Woke up feeling a lot lighter.
    Most of my friends from those days either still know nothing about it, or only recently noticed the scars, and inquired.


    January of last year- after experiencing several years of life on pause due to prolonged physical illness/being trapped in a toxic environment because of it- I'd developed a flu at the same time, & the thought passed my mind, that I'd be okay with not waking up. I was just too tired. But I had no desire to actually do anything to harm myself. I didn't even have the energy to think to do that.

    The only other occasion where I actually considered [but made no attempt/didn't even want to] suicide, was when I finally left to check out the apt I'm moving to, in October-November. I'd been under the impression in the months before, that my physical health was improving, steadily, but it declined again, just before I'd left, & continued to do so while I was there. The future right before me, I could touch it, taste it- and still couldn't take part. It was killing me. I didn't know if this would ever improve, enough to where I could actually take part. Without something to reach for, I don't have much of a reason to simply exist. That's not living, to me. At all. I felt like I was scraping away, trying to find anything to hold on to, within myself- and kept coming up empty-handed. The thought of ending my life actually pained me, but it was slowly feeling more and more like the only "real" solution. I'd wanted so much, for so long, just to fucking live. I grieved for a life I felt I'd never have the chance to explore. I felt like it wasn't even mine to grieve. This- pain and stagnation- was my life. Only this. Kept thinking, I can't do this anymore. Cry quietly in the bathroom until I couldn't even stand, sometimes.

    I broke down and reached out to friends. I swallowed any pride I'd always taken in not having to "need" someone. Bitter pill to swallow, but ey, at that point, things couldn't get much worse. Tried to tune out the guilt I felt, poisoning others' lives with my shit. It lingered there, but the voices of my friends, the love and support they were able to express, in only a few words- or none at all- was far louder. The volume caught me by surprise. The strength in that reminded me, & pulled me back down to earth. Reminded me, I can do this. Just keep moving. Reach. Step. Step.

    No regrets.
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.

  6. #196
    Senior Member Nicodemus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rasofy View Post
    The idea has always sounded illogical to me.
    How so?

  7. #197
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
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    Every odurr day.
    To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
    ~ Elbert Hubbard

    Music provides one of the clearest examples of a much deeper relation between mathematics and human experience.

  8. #198
    Glycerine
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    I used to mostly fantasize about my own suicide when I was a little kid.... but not so much anymore.

  9. #199
    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nicodemus View Post
    How so?
    To clarify, I meant illogical for me to do it.

    Chances are I'm gonna spend an eternity not living, so it only makes sense for me to enjoy the being alive part. Excluding a portion of humans, pretty much every living being seems to tacitly agree with me, so there's that.
    -----------------

    A man builds. A parasite asks 'Where is my share?'
    A man creates. A parasite says, 'What will the neighbors think?'
    A man invents. A parasite says, 'Watch out, or you might tread on the toes of God... '


    -----------------

  10. #200
    Senior Member swordpath's Avatar
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    Never. I've thought of what it would be like/the impact it would have (as I'm sure everyone has), but never in a way where I legitimately entertained the idea of doing it. I don't wish to die.

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