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  1. #51
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    I'm very image focused. It's kind of a pain in the ass. I have to be perfect, and since I'm usually not, it angers me. I'm angered, more than saddened, because all of the stuff I hate about my body is beyond my control. I'll save your time by not naming each thing specifically, but it's way more than the average dude would want to admit to.

    I've never worried about it in terms of finding women. I've never once in my life lacked the confidence or the looks to get chicks. It's a non-issue in that arena. In fact, a lot of people think I'm attractive. Cute is probably a more accurate description. (Cute is better than ugly, right?)

    I know people will love me and accept me. That's always been my experience and it just makes sense on top of that. I have a good personality and a lot to offer. And that's what I like in other people, too. There's no formula for what kind of women I might be attracted to physically. Any color, any size, etc... Personality is important, of course. I wouldn't fall in love with someone based on their looks alone. (Although it's a great bonus!)

    The thing that pisses me off is that I want both! I don't want to make up for my lack of physical awesomeness with my personality and confidence. I freaking want both of them to be amazing. I feel like I've gotten the short end of the stick, I guess, and I'm a bit bitter about it. (At least it's not a total loss, right?)

    I don't want to compensate for my weaknesses. I simply just do not want weaknesses at all. I could forget about it, and that would probably be wise, but even if I managed to not think about it, I'd still look the same. It would feel a bit like denial to me. As long as it angers me, it hasn't beat me. More than anything, I hate submission.

    How retarded my thought process is. My problem. I'll fix it eventually. I'm never self-conscious about it when I'm with other people. It's only when I'm alone that I think about it.
    "When a resolute young fellow steps up the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find that it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

  2. #52
    Senior Member LindseyLadybug's Avatar
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    Unfortunately, I have a very confused self-image at the moment. In the past year and a half, I have lost 70 pounds. I was overweight my whole life and was a loner...so I got made fun of a lot. Now...I don't know what to think. I feel like I'm in a stranger's body. I feel like an imposter in the average-size world. Being fat had been so ingrained in my identity that I feel like a piece of me is missing. People will say cruel jokes about a fat person to me and I just freeze. It's like living in a different world. I still have trouble socially because I just don't seem to "fit in" (no pun intended) with my peers. People my age (not all) can be so rude and hurtful. Sometimes I get so frustrated because I don't want to be like everyone else, I want to just be accepted for who I am. Does anyone else have this dilemma?

  3. #53
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    This same experience is shared by a close female friend of mine. In some ways, I think she will always carry this experience of being "fat" and struggles to feel beautiful sometimes, although she most certainly is. I tend to think that on some level you just have to learn to be okay with yourself on the inside and not worry about the outside so much except to try to stay healthy, clean, and well-dressed without obsessing over it or what it MEANS about who you are inside.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  4. #54
    Senior Member LindseyLadybug's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    This same experience is shared by a close female friend of mine. In some ways, I think she will always carry this experience of being "fat" and struggles to feel beautiful sometimes, although she most certainly is. I tend to think that on some level you just have to learn to be okay with yourself on the inside and not worry about the outside so much except to try to stay healthy, clean, and well-dressed without obsessing over it or what it MEANS about who you are inside.
    Good point. I hate how American society is sooooo obsessed with looks! It's so pointless, superficial, and disturbing. I think my main problem is now that the fat is gone, I have nothing to hide behind. For example, if someone doesn't like me, it's not because I'm fat...it's because there's something about ME they don't like. That's hard to face.

  5. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by LindseyLadybug View Post
    Good point. I hate how American society is sooooo obsessed with looks! It's so pointless, superficial, and disturbing. I think my main problem is now that the fat is gone, I have nothing to hide behind. For example, if someone doesn't like me, it's not because I'm fat...it's because there's something about ME they don't like. That's hard to face.
    That's such an incredible idea. I'll be thinking about that for a while. Thank you.

    It dovetails in with this idea of working on YOU first. Becoming healthy inside and letting this reflect outwardly rather than obsessing with the outside first. It also makes me think about how we sabotage ourselves so easily with the little messages we repeat to ourselves in our minds. Negative thoughts and habits can get lodged like poisoned darts. Yet, we must acknowledge them and try to dig them out.

    Oh, also. Sometimes when people don't like us, it has nothing to do with us.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  6. #56
    Senior Member LindseyLadybug's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    That's such an incredible idea. I'll be thinking about that for a while. Thank you.

    It dovetails in with this idea of working on YOU first. Becoming healthy inside and letting this reflect outwardly rather than obsessing with the outside first. It also makes me think about how we sabotage ourselves so easily with the little messages we repeat to ourselves in our minds. Negative thoughts and habits can get lodged like poisoned darts. Yet, we must acknowledge them and try to dig them out.

    Oh, also. Sometimes when people don't like us, it has nothing to do with us.
    You're welcome! That's just what I've experienced.

    Yes, definitely. I had to battle major depression for 6 years and gain confidence before I could even begin to start eating healthy! Of course, I'm still not 100% confident. I experience rejection and it kills me inside because then I have flashbacks...and I don't want to remember those times. I think I've come so far and everything's great so I say hi to someone and then BAM!!!....their apathetic, arrogant glare shoots me back down....but not completely down! My current strategy is self-talk. That is helpful. Also, not trying to be extraverted but rather just quietly earning the respect of those around me. It's just the process that's so painful...but so worth it. Anyway, it's complicated but I'm getting there.

  7. #57
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LindseyLadybug View Post
    It's just the process that's so painful...but so worth it. Anyway, it's complicated but I'm getting there.
    Growth comes with a price, but it is worth it. Nothing worth doing is easy.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  8. #58
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    Quote Originally Posted by booyalab View Post
    I think so. I've come to the conclusion that Kansans are filthy nasty people with terrible hygiene habits. I guess it's part of the mating ritual.

    HAHA. I agree, and being from kansas, i have has thus dropped even lower in the 10 scale presented above.

    I find it amazing how it all flips around, usually dependent upon mood, but I go from not giving the slightest damn about myself, sometimes being amazed that I actually exist in the physical world at all-- to trying to decide if the person I see in the mirror should really allow myself outside the confides of my house, but somehow I still manage to find scary men calling me at me from drity pick up trucks on a fairly regular basis.
    Conclusion is not to try nor think of anything related, it's all too demeaning no matter how good of mood you are in...

  9. #59
    Babylon Candle Venom's Avatar
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    working out is my favorite coping mechanism. thus i feel best after I work out and am all pumped up. I also spend copious amounts of time in front of the mirror. I spend 90% of my leisure time with my shirt off.

    the problem is that now i only look good in t-shirts. "fitted" tight t-shirts make me like like a Guido and a polo makes me look like a tool. It makes me look like im trying too hard. When I put on a suit or a button down shirt I just look "big" because all of the "taper" effect is lost. To really translate the physical qualities to looking good at more dressed up occasions I would have to have some special made stuff...

    I generally see myself who takes up space in a positive sense, my presence is felt.

  10. #60
    nevermore lane777's Avatar
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    If I've had my head in a style/teen magazine for awhile and look in the mirror afterwards, I feel fugly. But if I avoid those dreaded things which I do now, I'm content with my appearance.
    To die would be an awfully big adventure - Peter Pan

    INFJ ~ 4w5 sp/sx ~ RLOAI ~ Inclusion e/w=1/0 (Melancholy Compulsive) Control: e/w=0/6 (Supine) Affection: e/w=4/0 (Phlegmatic Melancholy)

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