How? It's a fluctuating state, at least to me. The way I mean that is it's more subjective than objective. (We can't all be blonde Californian girls with the perfect tan. Bleh. Not that I want to be something like that.) Being attractive doesn't have to be just physical. There can be mental traits found attractive as well.
I have no idea who I am. All I can say is let's rock hard.
Oh, mine's not the final word by any means. Keep on with the definitions if you think it's important to the discussion!
I just meant that the thread was about the fluctuation of people's perceived levels of attractiveness of themselves...and if it was, then it wouldn't matter that we have an objective definition of what counts as "attractive".
I tend to agree, with one caveat: if you go through a period in which your peers and friends do not reinforce feelings of attractiveness, and in fact go out of their way (not so much friends but other peers) to undermine them, the effects can be hard to get over even with a healthy support network as an adult. Add to that that it can become a self-fulfilling prophesy (in my case, being called fat when I wasn't all that fat led to emotional eating and low energy, and the problem snowballed until I really was fat) and the feedback loop is hard to break.
You have an important insight. I suspect that the reaction during childhood and adolescence are much more ingrained than what happens in adulthood. My deepest struggle hit around puberty and has subsided a bit, but it might just always be a part of me. I have an idea where it came from years earlier in childhood. As a teen I struggled with being thin and shapeless like 92lbs at 5'5". I also always struggled with hair that was thinner than I wanted and still breaks off after growing out a few inches, so that growing it long is not possible. I could kind of tell that my feelings of being grotesque weren't matching reality, but my worst frustration was that no matter what I thought or looked like, the feeling was the same. It's mostly an issue now when I'm tired. Sometimes I still see my reflection and feel surprised at how bad I look, but I think it has to do with feeling tired.
I agree with those posters who were talking about valuing your inner self and all that. I do think trying to accept external appearance for its own merits can be a lost cause if there is some kind of emotional hole that produces the lack of feeling attractive. Looking inside instead seems a good place to start, but it also helped me to not too much pressure on myself to think any particular way about appearance, but just try to feel comfortable in my own skin and to try to enjoy feeling good in the simplest ways.
The first man to raise a fist is the man who's run out of ideas. H.G. WELLS
The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. FEYNMAN If this is monkey pee, you're on your own.SCULLY
Yeah, I don't think that matters too much in the context of this thread.
Why not? I don't see how I can tell you how I think of myself in terms of attractiveness if I don't know what you mean by it... I'm pretty sure attractiveness is something that changes from culture to culture so I don't want to start off making a statement based off my own pre conceived notions of what I think it is.
There are some days when I don't think people will think I look that great. Others when I think they do. I can never know for sure because people are attracted to many different things. I don't want to say that "HAY I'M ATTRACTIVE" because I don't have enough information on what it takes to make that statement.