How aware are you of your own thinking?
On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being rather cerebellic, automatic body functions like breathing and heartrate, 10 being the able to sense and manipulate your thinking like you would your hand.
ever since i can remember ive had a strange awareness of my own thought patterns, and like learning to walk, i learned to control it like i would an appendage; to the point where consciousness is more like putty, allowing the user to form it into whatever tool and perspective necessary.
but with control comes power, and with power comes responsibility, this can lead one to distrust themselves and their own thinking, and often times others' (which is due to projection)... because people are in control of themselves and thus selfish. without the ability to act "naturally", there is an illusion that not only is a person that is in control of their mind and body completely responsible for it, but also that they are in control of what occurs to them and even their surrounding environment. it was 4 years ago, when i reached a peak, that i realized it was unhealthy.
it was this inability to know what was real and what was merely a selfish mental creation that drove me to find objectivity, and my degree of mental control that allowed me to use it for good and, finally, learn to let go of it. i dont think it is something i will ever be completely free of, but i can at least reach a point where i can identify most objective framework and isolate where where my choices are being made and why.