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  1. #1
    Senior Member Mal12345's Avatar
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    Default My Step-daughter Left Home Today

    My wife is upset because her daughter finally left home at the age of 24. She is not independent however, and never will be. She has just moved to another family home (which is a home for the disabled who can't care for themselves).

    I see it a bit differently than my wife.

    1. No more Borderline Personality in the house.
    2. No more Narcissistic Personality in the house.
    3. No more Executive Function Disorder in the house.
    4. No more noise, chaos, fighting, name calling, fucking bitch this and fucking bitch that, screaming, and calling the cops or the ambulance for no reason.
    5. Etc. (things I won't mention here).

    Unfortunately, it also means we won't be reimbursed by the state for caring for her (picking up after her, washing her hair, etc.)
    Now we are down to one income: mine. My wife says "we'll make it." Will we? I don't know. We've lost the state income plus my step-daughter's income (some of which she kept for herself, and some which she gave to us). This means we are less $2000 per month income.

    The future is always full of uncertainties.
    "If you try to build something that is idiot-proof, the universe will build a better idiot."
    I'm an extrovert trapped within an introverted soul.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Smilephantomhive's Avatar
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    Isn't the extra income supposed to go to caring for your step daughter anyway?
    "Avoid getting too preoccupied thinking about what you’re going to do, to actually do it."
    — Rachel Wolchin

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  3. #3
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    You're glad the kid is out but want her money. Class act all the way.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Mal12345's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Smilephantomhive View Post
    Isn't the extra income supposed to go to caring for your step daughter anyway?
    She doesn't cost $2000 a month to take care of. There is a mortgage to pay off. We bought this house and turned it into a family home. Now paying for it is going to become a nightmare. My wife doesn't want any more clients for the family home, something about not wanting to bring strangers into the house.
    "If you try to build something that is idiot-proof, the universe will build a better idiot."
    I'm an extrovert trapped within an introverted soul.
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  5. #5
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Default

    Life is full of trade-offs.

    But when it's your own kid (or parent, when your parents get old), it's more than just a transaction even when the relationship is stressful and/or demands a lot of energy. There's typically a level of commitment and connection there regardless, as well as a feeling of loss when they are gone even when you reach a conclusion that another facility can better care for them long-term. So no wonder your wife is struggling with that. Does she think it was for the best or is she feeling like you both made a mistake? The way you refer to it, it sounds like she is fine with the income loss but doubts the decision (or at least misses her) for reasons more regarding the relationship.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft
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  6. #6
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
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    Financial stress beats living with someone who has such a severe manifestation of Borderline Personality Disorder any day. Wife sounds like there may be some codependency issues she needs to work through to be okay with this. I'm merely guessing. Good luck.
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

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    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.
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  7. #7

    Default

    Can your wife work?

  8. #8
    Senior Member Mal12345's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Totenkindly View Post
    Life is full of trade-offs.

    But when it's your own kid (or parent, when your parents get old), it's more than just a transaction even when the relationship is stressful and/or demands a lot of energy. There's typically a level of commitment and connection there regardless, as well as a feeling of loss when they are gone even when you reach a conclusion that another facility can better care for them long-term. So no wonder your wife is struggling with that. Does she think it was for the best or is she feeling like you both made a mistake? The way you refer to it, it sounds like she is fine with the income loss but doubts the decision (or at least misses her) for reasons more regarding the relationship.
    My wife's emotions are of the sentimental type. She will actually miss the yelling and cursing for sentimental reasons. She knows that the quality of care will be better at the new home, because we are both getting too old and sick to put that much energy into her constant demands for this and that. She is 30 years younger than we are. There is also the factor of having to repress emotions over and over again which take its toll over time. So there is psychological damage that comes from caring for someone with her kind of disorders. I've read up on Borderline personality disorder, and those clients, from what I've read, are the most difficult. I predict that, if she doesn't end up coming back here, she will be moved from one family home to another until she ends up in a facility.
    "If you try to build something that is idiot-proof, the universe will build a better idiot."
    I'm an extrovert trapped within an introverted soul.

  9. #9
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mal12345 View Post
    Unfortunately, it also means we won't be reimbursed by the state for caring for her (picking up after her, washing her hair, etc.)
    Now we are down to one income: mine. My wife says "we'll make it." Will we? I don't know. We've lost the state income plus my step-daughter's income (some of which she kept for herself, and some which she gave to us). This means we are less $2000 per month income.
    Reimbursed by the state for caring for your own kid/stepkid?? After all the shit you have posted? Why do you think you were entitled to a dime? Suck it up and sell your house, get a second job, start pulling your own weight.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Mal12345's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    Reimbursed by the state for caring for your own kid/stepkid?? After all the shit you have posted? Why do you think you were entitled to a dime? Suck it up and sell your house, get a second job, start pulling your own weight.
    Practice being nice to strangers for a year or two. I will unplonk you around that time to check on your progress.
    "If you try to build something that is idiot-proof, the universe will build a better idiot."
    I'm an extrovert trapped within an introverted soul.

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