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  1. #31
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    I don't have the type of shell that was initially described, at least I no longer have it. My own shell is more of a privacy thing. You know : a line in my mind over what type of tones, words, emotions, issues, things I'm comfortable expressing with xxx in xxx situation. The usual, but I'll be using the first described one in the following:

    I started initially coming out of my shell after joining a small theatre group around 12 y/o. I'd had some bullying & friend issues etc. before that which had made me withdraw into my shell some more. The theatre group was a warm and comfy setting in which I didn't feel pressured into anything (well except the occational group performances), so I started opening up slowly and engaging more. Chatting with people, expressing ideas. I managed to form friendships with three people from the group that have lasted about 8 years now.

    The second thing that affected me was when I got a job from a supermarket cashier/clerk, part time for a 1½ and full time for a year. That was extremely taxing, no private space (except inside my head), new people all the time, blah. But I've noticed it's helped me in dealing with complete strangers and iniating, and also bossing people around.


    The funny thing is, I have a cousin & her mother who are very extroverted and view introverson as a bad thing, still pressure me into more activity or whatever and giving advice on where I should go, what I should say, what I should say. Not helping. Idiots, good meaning idiots. After that I normally need a while to clear up my head out of all the stuff they've been feeding me, the standards etc. I normally go walking alone to the downtown, and start feeling better after that. Aka braking their advice right away.

  2. #32
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    why do I repeatly read the title of this thread as "Bringing you to your hell" is it my subconscious telling me to fully expose myself would be a mistake or that I feel that way unknowingly? that I'm not as out of my shell as I think?
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  3. #33
    Senior Member LostInNerSpace's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    why do I repeatly read the title of this thread as "Bringing you to your hell" is it my subconscious telling me to fully expose myself would be a mistake or that I feel that way unknowingly? that I'm not as out of my shell as I think?
    Just a wild guess might be that somehow mirror neurons in your Amyglada are wired up to anger somewhere in your sub/unconcious. Are you an angry person?

  4. #34
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LostInNerSpace View Post
    Just a wild guess might be that somehow mirror neurons in your Amyglada are wired up to anger somewhere in your sub/unconcious. Are you an angry person?
    not really. unless I'm stuck with people for longer then planned. and that's more annoyance then actual anger.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  5. #35
    Feline Member kelric's Avatar
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    Sometimes I think that my shell isn't strong enough to *force* me to break through or abandon it, yet too strong to really allow me any sense of comfort at all in interacting with people socially - particularly when it comes to meeting new people in social situations. It's not even so much that I put a lot of effort into avoiding social situations (although I will, sometimes) - it's that I'm so rarely in a position to even *have* to. On the rare occasions when it comes up, I'm very easily overwhelmed and find myself leaving the situation.

    For oh, the last 15-20 years or so, the vast majority of my friendships have been the "one of a group" types of things - classmates in college and grad school, my volleyball team(s), etc. While they lasted, they were great - but people's lives have changed, and they've largely moved on. The friendships are still there, and they're still important, but instead of seeing them 2-3 times a week, I see them 2-3 times a year... at best. I was pretty happy socially being "one of the pack" - but now that the packs are gone I'm somewhat lost, and the "shell" has become more of an issue. I'm pretty much a hermit these days.

    I don't have trouble at work, or in other situations where I'm involved in some sort of activity (I don't get nervous going grocery shopping in a crowd, etc.), but I'm all business - I do my thing, then I leave. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've never had anyone really tell me that I needed to "get out of my shell" - but social anxiety, a shell, whatever, I wish I had a better way of trying to get out from underneath it.

  6. #36
    señor member colmena's Avatar
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    I think life's conventions are my shell. Everything everyone does and is supposed to do feel unnatural to me. It's cyclically suppressing.

    Idealism is very claustrophobic when you don't have skills.
    http://badges.mypersonality.info/badge/0/6/68764.png
    Ti Ne Fi Ni

    -How beautiful, this pale Endymion hour.
    -What are you talking about?
    -Endymion, my dear. A beautiful youth possessed by the moon.
    -Well, forget about him and get to bed.
    -Yes, my dear.

  7. #37
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    yeah it's pretty difficult for adults to make friends anyway at least in urban Britain. Most people have their family, their friends they've known since school/college and then people they work with. If you move to a new town where you've no family or other connections and then you either don't work or have a solitary job, the only other place I can think of to meet people is church, and only about 6% of people in the UK go to church anyway so there you're stuck with people several generations older than you and they're often very cliquish and closed off to outsiders.

    The pub culture is also dying (round these parts anyway), and whereas people used to spend many an evening playing darts or taking part in a pub quiz and socializing, flexi-hours has pretty much put paid to that and even when they're not working they're too tired to go out and tend to slump in front of the TV. Neighbours don't talk to each other either.

    So all the traditional avenues for coming out of one's shell seem to be eroding away and it takes a very extraverted, very determined and very confident person indeed to build a social life here from nothing, as a stranger in town.

    Even not as a stranger, as kelric mentioned, your old friends from school and stuff tend to also move on and become absorbed in life pursuits and you see less and less of them.

    It's a lonely old world, innit?
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  8. #38
    señor member colmena's Avatar
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    My vision of outside my shell has very little to do with social banter, intellectual discussion, or anything the similar.

    I think it's a case of mismatched culture.
    http://badges.mypersonality.info/badge/0/6/68764.png
    Ti Ne Fi Ni

    -How beautiful, this pale Endymion hour.
    -What are you talking about?
    -Endymion, my dear. A beautiful youth possessed by the moon.
    -Well, forget about him and get to bed.
    -Yes, my dear.

  9. #39
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    I've never gotten those people who can make friends with out trying. I'm like do you have some hypnotic power?
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  10. #40
    now! in shell form INA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by colmena View Post
    I think it's a case of mismatched culture.
    Should you be rollicking with the pygmies or something?

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